My husband and I love each other, but I don't think we're IN love anymore. We've been married for 2½ years, we're 25 and we have a one year old. We just seem to have grown apart, and after some counseling and hours and hours of talking, we realize that we're just drifting apart.. we don't even have sex anymore, yet I can't stand the thought of my son growing up without his parents together. I know that it's not going to be any more beneficial to him for us to fight all the time, either. So, we're thinking about living together, and just sort of being friends. We're not considering an open marriage, I couldn't do that, but I just don't know what to do/expect. We want to raise our son together, he's only one, and neither of us can stand the thought of missing even a single day with him. Has anyone else been in this situation and had a decent outcome? I just don't know what to do anymore.. I feel like he's my roomate already, might as well stop pretending, right
2007-10-20 18:17:26 · 21 answers · asked by ... 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In order to stay in love, you both have to work at it by doing nice things for each other and contantly telling each other how you feel about one another and keeping sex and your life interesting. Having a baby can change a marriage, but you just have to work around it and find interesting things to do that involve the child or get a babysitter and get some alone time. Don't give up if there is no abuse going on.
2007-10-20 18:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by jennniferlea 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This happens to many people. It can be OK. I have not been intimate with my husband for 11 years. We still live together from time to time. It amounts to 2 or 3 months a year. In the last few years and is going down to about 6 weeks for 2008.
We have different circles of friends. We have very different interests. We are considerate of each other. His girlfriends are always nice. They do not stay over when I am in the house. It is all very civil and civilizing. We never fight anymore as we are not dependent on each other for emotional support.
Some of our friends think it is an irregular arrangement. And it may be. We like the way it is working out. We are good friends.
2007-10-21 01:39:17 · answer #2 · answered by juice 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The "in love" feeling is the lust of expectation. As you are in a relationship love grows in different ways. Children change the dynamics of a relationship. It takes work to keep a relationship going. Everyday we change. Our environment changes us. To keep a relationship going you have to continue to make an effort to stay connected. So many times we let all the outside forces keep us from committing any time to our spouse. We then feel disconnected.
If you haven't tried dating your husband again, talking and setting aside time just the two of you, you may want to try this first.
If you have already drifted apart after only 2 1/2 years, you will probably bring the same ideas into your next relationship.
It isn't easy keeping a relationship going.
Good luck!
2007-10-21 01:38:50 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by seeing that fighting gets you nowhere... but marriage is soooooooo hard those first few years.. you and your husband should go to a counselor or therapist. Marriage is hard, it is easy to put no effort into it.. then it will die out. Couples have to try every single day. I say don't give up yet... also an open marriage is a way, way bad idea..
2007-10-21 01:22:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
my opinion...divorce and move on. you can stay friends, that's good. your son is 1, not 10..12..or 14. he will only know what you teach him. he has not had the unfortunate knowledge of fighting and arguing and unhappiness. always work together for your son, regardless of how you feel about each other. good luck to you and your soon to be extended family. work together, be respectful of each others lives. you both created him. don't ever let him feel like a mistake. Go into any possible relationship with that in mind. make sure the "other" knows of the commitment with the ex.
2007-10-21 01:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your son deserves his parents to work on their marriage.
Marriage isn't based on feelings. In the beginning it is and its an attraction thing as well, but those feelings come and go. But your marriage committment stays. You guys will have ups and downs for seasons at a time, but that doesn't mean you give up. Anyways, who says ya can't be "friends" with your spouse? Your decision on intimacy is yours alone to discuss, but remember, he has needs and so do you. If you wanna be friends, so be it, incase you haven't noticed, we treat our friends much better than our own spouses! So, if we treated our spouses as well as we do our friends, there would be less fights and more enjoyment.
Hang in there.
2007-10-21 01:43:53 · answer #6 · answered by ellen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Geeze, when I started reading this, I thought you two were in your 50s. Anyway, you don't have to live together to give all to your son. I am divorced myself (and for worse reasons than yours), but he's a good father and loves his son. We both share our son equally. He was 1 1/2 when we divorced, so this custody arrangement is all he has known...he's 5 now. We work together, talk together, help each other all for the benefit of our son. My son loves us both and hasn't shown any problems because of this arrangement. You just have to be mature enough to handle it and make sure your son is at the top of this list.
Honestly, if you two have tried everything, in the end you two stay together, you son is going to have a bad view of what love and marriage is all about just by living with you two.
2007-10-21 01:23:58 · answer #7 · answered by CC 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You didn't just drift apart. You either set a course for apart or you neglect the helm. Sounds like a little of both. Either rebuild a real marriage, or split up. Just being friends will WRECK your childs upbringing. Do you want him to grow up and marry someone who just falls out of love with him out of the blue? :/
2007-10-21 02:25:21 · answer #8 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you are considering an open marriage. A better thing to do would be to divorce. You could find living arrangements close so both of you could be parents. But at 1 year old, it would be better to part as friends and both make sure he is cared for as he grows up. This would be normal for him since he is so young rather than wait till he is 6 or 7 and one of you find someone you really love and want to be with. Divorce now while he is still young. You parents can still be friends.
2007-10-21 01:24:23 · answer #9 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
So you married a guy and you are giving up after 2 1/2 years? Quit being a wimp. You are married..it's supposed to last a lifetime....as in for the next 70+ years. You can either stay married and work it out, and it takes work, hard work. Or you can get divorced so he can go out and find someone else. You can't stay married and live together. It doesn't work. He will be going out with other women. If you don't "put out" he will find someone who will, if he hasn't already.
2007-10-21 01:22:14 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋