I work with a married man who's been wanting an affair with me. After much thought and hesitation, I have decided to move forward. Now that I've given him my decision, yes, he's turned cold toward me? Why?
2007-10-20 17:46:15 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I say "move forward", I mean I said "yes" to the affair with him.
2007-10-20 17:55:36 · update #1
chuck: I really appreciate your answer. I know I'm a "slut" in many ppls eyes...and I deserve all the comments. But the choice I made was not easy. He pursued me for a year and making me feel guilty. We were friends or so I thought. I'm not saying I was right in eventually agreeing...but it was not an easy decision. Regardless...thank you for your answer, it's made me feel a little bit better tonight and giving me somewhere to go from here. Thank you.
2007-10-20 18:03:40 · update #2
Sharon...I didn't commit a crime, as I didn't do anything with him. Thx for the reality check. I'll save it for next time.
2007-10-20 18:13:00 · update #3
I was horrified when I read your question, and relieved when I read its ending.
Please don't contribute to breaking up others' relationships. It absolutely does not matter what reasons you or the other person have. I shouldn't have to explain it. Sexual infidelity is a terrible thing for people to deal with. And with a coworker? Lotta fun that's going to be dealing with him for the next how-many years.
Now to answer your question. He changed his mind because: (a) it was more important for him to know that he was desirable, than to actually have an affair with you--knowing he was wanted stroked his ego, and that was enough. That should give you some insight into the narcissistic, game-playing mindset of your typical philanderer; and/or (b) he had a moment or two of sanity and realized what a terrible thing he was about to do, and backed out.
I suggest you make a move to put a lid on this once and for all. Go to him and apologize. Tell him that you think it would be a really bad idea for you to have an affair. It doesn't matter that he has clammed up--go to him, and in 30 seconds, just tell him that, then resume your normal activities.
And then adopt a blanket policy of rejecting all advances from married men.
2007-10-20 17:58:49 · answer #1 · answered by chuck 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this guy had his cake and ate too!
Marriage wrecker-you WONDER why he is cold towards you? Would you prefer he invite you over for Sunday dinner and cozy-up next to his wife?
In some states he can be sued for infidelity and the mistress can also be sued. Happened here recently in Arizona based on an old law on the books. The husband AND the s l u t he was banging both were sentenced to a small jail term and paid a fine, but more importantly it was the old "Scarlet Letter" of humiliation.
How do you REALLY feel about what you did now that you broadcast your 'crime' on the Internet?
2007-10-20 18:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He just wanted to see if he could get you. Don't throw your respect and your sense of who you are away with an affair. Why would you even consider it? the question should not be why has he turned cold toward you, but why would you lower yourself to someone who already is committed to someone else? You won't have anything but heartache. I really don't believe the sentence "after much thought"...! Much thought would show you how pointless and destructive this will be for you in the long run. Do you really want someone who cheats?
2007-10-20 17:51:40 · answer #3 · answered by dutchlady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some men did this because they wanted to prove that they are still desirable.
Some men did this as a way to exit their marriage, when the marriage is over, so is the affair.
Trust me, most men do not know what they want, when the affair gets out of control, you will be the one living in your own misery.
2007-10-20 18:20:33 · answer #4 · answered by Rebornie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea what "move forward" means but take this advice:
Stay away from this man. Nothing good will come from an affair with him - these always end badly.
2007-10-20 17:51:08 · answer #5 · answered by banana6464 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously the fool got wise to the fact you're a nasty piece of work and not worth the consequences of going through a divorce.
For now, at least his wife isn't at risk of catching some nasty STD you might have passed on had her husband went through with the affair.
2007-10-20 18:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by Infernal Disaster 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you didn't "commit a crime" or "do anything with him"...but the point is you would have.
Who cares why he turned cold toward you. I hope it was because he came to his senses. Now...why don't you come to yours and quit thinking about it.
2007-10-20 20:33:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This piece of slime was playing games with you. And you played into his hands like a fool. This piece of S.... has a contract, signed, with his wife, to love honor and Cherish her, forsaking all other. If he would break this written bond with his wife, what do you think he would do to you? Put some distance between you and this piece of trash. And if he approaches you again, report him to his supervisor. They may set this garbage out by the curb!
2007-10-20 17:57:34 · answer #8 · answered by gerald M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sound lke he was just looking to see if he could get what he
want when he want it, and the fact that you took your time to
deal with it for what ever the reason that you decided to go
'with the program, he look else where. sound llike you might
have made a bad choice that turn out good at the end. he
was looking for something on his term when he want it. he]
wont to CONTROL THE SITUAITON IS WHAT HE WANTED
GOOD RIDDEN.
2007-10-20 17:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you make the decision to be some guy's whore? He turned cold to you because he doesn't respect you. All he wants from you is sex and he'll be nice to you when he wants it. Otherwise, he'll pretend like you don't exist. If that's what you want, you need some counseling.
2007-10-20 17:54:07 · answer #10 · answered by ncgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋