My daughter and her best friend(who are 13) have spent practically every day the last year together. This last few months she feels her friend is starting to pull away and want to be with others without her. I understand this because I would get tired of being with one person everyday. They do spend time in groups together but they are both there. My daughter is worried that her friend will find another "best" friend. I try to tell her if that is the kind of friend she is then she deserves better. I am thinking I should never have allowed them to spend sooo much time together. Any advice?
2007-10-20 17:35:00 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tell her that this is cutting into more important things and she just needs to limit it
2007-10-20 17:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Too late to be sorry for the past. This situation is very normal, and telling your daughter that her best friend isn't a good friend if she moves on is giving your daughter the wrong message. Even adults have relationships that are of a different strength; some friends we want around all of the time, and some just for certain activities. None of this is a reflection on the adult or the friend. This is a perfect time to teach your daughter that there are necessary losses in our lives; some people pass through and others stay. But all are important while in your life.
In her next choice of a friend (and when this one comes back, as she will do if no pressure is put on her), be sure your daughter's focus is on many things. Is she interested in sports, dancing, or ?? They were together all of the time because it was comfort and security; your daughter can find these qualities in others and in activities.
Please don't put the blame on the other girl. Just suggest another activity for your daughter, without much negative responding. Even a class the two of you do, such as One Stroke Painting (offered by Michaels's, a local art supply store.) Be creative with ideas, but limit your daughter's time with anyone until she finds out who she is. Best friends can and do break our hearts. The more emotion invested, the more pain.
Congratulations on wanting the best for your daughter. She is blessed to have a caring mom.
2007-10-20 17:45:31 · answer #2 · answered by dutchlady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow so me when I was 13 lol. And I dont even remember who my BFF was back then because friends change in life soo much!!
So just let her experience the ups and downs of teenhood and high school. She will be ok. Let them grow apart a bit. I'm guessing if they spent so much time together, they just want a little break, a chance to meet new friends. They just need some space! If they really are that close, let them have their space, and they'll realize how much they need each other OR they'll realize they're fine without each other and move on.
Nothing bad will come of this. Let your daughter experience life and the anguishes of being 13.
2007-10-20 17:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't do anything wrong. But you are correct in that they get tired of spending every minute with the same person. At some point, one has to pull away and be with someone else for a while. Just like eating the same food day after day.
Your daughter, who has just become a teenager, which is the same as drama queen, brain damaged, etc., will adjust. She will understand as soon as she starts hanging out with someone else. Try to explain to her that she should start seeing other people and making new friends. She will appreciate the variety.
2007-10-20 17:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by David L 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest a little mother/daughter time. Maybe go get a pedicure together or see a movie. She may not welcome the idea at first like most teenagers but Im sure she would enjoy it. I went through this with 2 girlfriends when I was a teenager. Seemed like the end of the world then, can barely remember anything about it now! I have never understood why teenage girls expecially are so territorial over their friends but that passes with age and maturity as Im sure you know well.
2007-10-20 18:44:11 · answer #5 · answered by rumrunner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..... spending every day with your best friend can get pretty annoying because you guys are always seeing each other and talking and everything so then later on it gets boring and you have nothing to talk about...... so i think that your daughters best friend just got a little annoyed and she wanted to start hanging out with other people too..... so just tell your daughter not to worry about her friend that much because well she just wants to spend time with other people not just her and your daughter should be doing the same thing instead of thinking about her best friend
2007-10-20 18:04:24 · answer #6 · answered by KeepCool 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the worst thing you can do is try to step into and meddle in her social life with her best friend. Especially when she's already having a tough time. If you try to restrict their time together, you may only make matters worse.
She's only thirteen, and still developing a social life and making new friends.
Let her live her life. Just be there for her when she asks for your help (or requires it, without asking...)
I say... Just step aside and give her guidance when she asks about it. Keeping them apart is a very bad idea.
2007-10-20 17:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by Mary S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it isnt your fault. You didnt know that would happen. Let her go her own way. Let her figure this out on her own. Shes getting to the point when she can make her own desitions. If her friend does leave her and she does get upset tell her you has a shoulder to cry on and then talk and then tell her that no friend last forever not even a pet. Thats what my mom does.
2007-10-20 17:43:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and get your daughter involved in some sort of outside of school activity where her friend will not be so she can start to find her way without her friend. She needs to be able to cope without the best friend because as you say she may be wanting to expand her friendship group and it is important to have more than one friend.
2007-10-20 17:39:17 · answer #9 · answered by auburn 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the reason she spent that all that time with the friend was because she had nothing else to do. Kids have a short attention span. Keep her busy by getting her into other activities where she can meet other friends and in time forget how close she was to her "bf" It's too late to rehash what you should have done deal with what is. whatever you do don't forbid her because that will make her want to see her bf more.
2007-10-20 17:39:52 · answer #10 · answered by autoprt 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i understand this situation.this happened to me.my friend and i spent every waking moment together since we were 4.I'm thirteen and just last year she started hanging out out with this one particular ''click''.she eventually left me for them.i would tell your daughter to take some time away from her friend.maybe a couple Of days where they didnt communicate with each other in person.eventually her friend will start to miss her.
i hope this helped.
good luck
:)
2007-10-20 17:43:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋