Hard-working husband trying to keep family together, HELP!!?

Question

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot recently. Usually, it's over little stuff. But now, it's like we can't even be in each other's company. We have a daughter together and I don't want her to see us like this. I'm trying my best to fight for our marriage, but it's like I'm fighting a losing battle. The sad part is, we've been married for under a year. I know, it's crazy, but my wife changed after we got hitched. She went from this hard-working woman who was determined in making things happen to now a woman who stays at home, yet doesn't help out around the house. Help!!!

Answer 1

FIrst i must say i give you alot of respect for trying so hard and coming on y/a to find solutions.. its not easy for a MAN to do this. Ive been married for 4 years and id say the first 2 at least are the hardest the main reason is finances. the number one reason for divorce is due to not enough money or just money issues. Sounds like your wife needs to get motivated back into life and she will need your help even though you are doing your very best. you two are a team and this is the begining to your end tell her this, Maybe after having your baby she has suffered from esteem but with every problem there is a solution and maybe you should sit her down when your daughter is sleeping start off by reminising on when you two first met and the sparks will come from her.. mention all her possitives and your dream withher like when you married her you dream of you two working as a team working smart and hard to have it all in the end.. ask her what her goals are and you share your goals and then you can assist her in ideas on how she can obtain these goals. this will help get her back on track. i know that women can suffer post partum depression even if your daughter is a year old talk to her without judgment im sure yu have but just try this last time and if this doesnt work id say go to counseling. You cant make someone want success and it doesnt just knock at your door either it has to be earned and maybe she doesnt understand this! I respect you for trying to create a loving enviroment for your daughter marriage takes everyday commitment but the rewards later are endless.
my grandparents have been married 64 years and i got alot advice from them when i started slacking once ihad my son.
I wish you two the brightest days ahead of you!
ps. My husband preferes me to stay at home i quite my career of 7 years and i stay home but i just got a new career that i start in november. but i have dinner on the table before my husband comes in the door from work (he is a police officer) so he works a lot, i make breakfast everymorning and manage two very active boys, i get up early before they wake up to work out then i make brkfst and i go go go from 530 am -11pm I do everything for my husband and it is harder than working out of the home but its more gratifying because im old fashioned but realisticly i need to work so we can get ahead!

Answer 2

I went through the same thing with my husband. We have two kids together after getting married he spent a lot of time at the bar and he'd come home and we'd fight. It got to the point we couldn't look at each other with out yelling. Finally we sat down and said we can't do this anymore and we got devorced. Weird thing is he's my best friend now. We're not together but we're still a family. Some people just make better friends then lovers.

Answer 3

ouch!! that's a tough one. ok, so pinpoint the root of your fights. for example, if you feel that she is just lazy and the house isn't being cleaned, solve the problem. realize that you can't force her to do it (and you shouldn't try). so, instead of beating your head against a wall, budget to have a cleaner come in once a week or every other week to clean. remember, the goal is a clean house. period. not that your wife do the cleaning. now, in accomplishing this, present it this way.

"honey, i know you're busy during the day taking care of susie. so, instead of you trying to manage the household all by yourself, i think we should consider hiring a cleaning service to come in twice a month. it should only cost about $75 each time. we might have to cut a few corners to still make ends meet though. so, what do you think we can cut back on?"

here's why this is bound to work in your favor. if she agrees to the cleaning service, then you get a clean house, a happy wife, and a happy daugher. if she disagrees to cut back financially to afford the cleaner, then you can say, "honey, i thought this would help us all be more relaxed around the house." this will make you seem very supportive, understanding, and sweet. she will likely soften and start cleaning or will agree to the cleaner. again, either way, the house gets cleaned. focus on what your goal is...clean house. not how it gets done.

perhaps her work ethic has changed since you got married, but all people change as their lives change. so don't assume this is unique to her.

Answer 4

Hell, are we married to the same man? HA! My husband has done the same thing pretty much. Difference is, I haven't filed. Although our youngest son (5months) is in the hospital right now. I am here with him and we have been here since Wednesday, my husband hasn't been. Wow...that hurts! So I spent the last two nights up drawing up a petition and decree for the two of us. I am pursuing my law degree so the same day we split up I made him sign a Marital Agreement with mandatory temporary orders. The divorce should be very simple. It's his birthday today and I am thinking about going to the clerk's office and filing. I know that I can't bring myself to do that yet. So I don't really know what to tell you. I will tell you this, (keep in mind my husband hates dr's and therapists), I am considering requesting that the judge order counseling. In Texas, we have to wait 60 days to go to court after the orig. petiton is filed. So I think therapy once or twice a week for the duration of the 60 days may help. He would hate me for "making him go", but it would be the only way to. If he refuses, he would be held in contempt of court. So...that's my idea....for me. Good Luck

Answer 5

Most couples, prior to marriage, fail to realize that, eventually, all relationships become routine. They get so used to being with the other that they lose track of what their role in the relationship is even supposed to be. We all go through phases. Short of abuse or cheating, there is no logical reason for divorce. You have to take the good with the bad. At times, the bad might seem to outweigh the good. Most times, the good will outweigh the bad. The hardest part to marriage, in my opinion, is ensuring that both parties understand that they have to put their needs second to their spouse's. My advice to you is try not to concentrate on what she isn't doing. Instead, concentrate on what she is. If you strive to put a smile on her face, then one will definitely come to your's. We all need to feel a since of worth and appreciation. Give her the sense of worth and appreciation she needs. If you can do this, then the feeling will most likely be returned. You can't just simply "tell" her you want it to work. You have to show her. She may be going through some difficult times that she may not want you to know about. It is our duty, as a spouse, to be supportive of her in those time whether you know what the problem is or not. Just work on making her happy. If the love and marital bond is truly there, then the favor will be returned.

Answer 6

She wants to be a kept woman! And probly planned to do this. She sees the marriage as her way out of having to work and can be lazy on top of it. My husband's x was like that and he left her because of it. In today's world it takes 2. She has to be there FOR you and WITH you and do her part, it's not fair to dump everything on you. Was there any signs of her planning to become like this before you got married? You should have made sure she knew you were not gonna be having her do that BEFORE you said "I do." I have never done that because I would feel terribly guilty. I allways have felt guilty being off when I had my kids and was off for maternity leave and went right back to work as soon as possible plus I wanted to be somewhat indendent making my own money. These kind of woman seem to think this: "Well I am married now, so he is resposible for me and has to take care of me now." But there is a chance because of how us wonderful woman are now adays that she will realize that she has lost her Independence and she will get back on track. But there are some men that still feel the woman should be home once they are married, but not sit on the couch with their Bon Bons. Life does not stop or get any easier when you are married ladies. And in my opinion, for a marriage to work out it has to be a partnership, which is Marriage and working together is the best thing to do. Get her off her butt or get rid of her. It will never work out if she does not want to do her part and be a partner and all you will do is continue fighting. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Well, you have to remember that marriage is a two way street. The problem doesn't lie with just one person, and the solution can't either. Have you sat down and (quietly!) talked this over? Are you doing things that bug her? Does she know how you feel? Are there other reasons she has changed? (depression?) Have you talked to a religious leader or marriage counselor or someone that might be able to help you work through these issues?

Answer 8

my husband and i were together for almost six years by the time we got married, and we already had a daughter who was almost three. so, imagine my surprise when after the wedding our fights were horrendous. it lasted for like the first year. when we fought we were mean, and everything was always blown way out of proportion. i have no idea what happened. and after the first year, it just stopped. i don't know if it was like we realized that now we were completely tied together as a unit, and now we were stuck.... i don't know what it was. but we never argued like that before we got married, and we haven't argued like that since just shortly before our first anniversary. so, hopefully, if you just hold on for a while, maybe it'll stop. There may be an end in sight.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Wow, less then a year and so much going on. Communication, communication, communication. Get someone to watch your daughter and take your wife away for the weekend. Talk out what it is you both want from this marriage. A marriage is a lifetime commitment but both have to be committed to making it work. A stay at home mom is a good thing but she has to pull her weight and do what it takes to keep a nice home, a good environment for her daughter and be an example because a child watches everything you do. My husband worked hard to we were married at 18 & 20, he was an E 2 in the Navy, talk about no money but he worked and we managed. When the children came along I was a stay at home mom and I took that as the most important job I could do, I was a cook, housekeeper, teacher, nurse, homemaker, problem solver, and I could stretch a dollar. My husband went to school nights and worked days, he obtained his Associates, Bachelors, Masters and then his PhD and I was his biggest support. We could not have done it with out supporting each other, realizing that each of us was doing not only an important job but that it was being done for our children because after all we were raising future adults and what they contributed to society would in part come from the way they were raised.

You and you wife need to put marriage and family first. Respect one another, talk often about your hopes dreams as well as what is bothering you. Getting married is easy, staying married is hard work that takes total commitment. My husband and I married with one thought in mind it was forever, divorce is not an option. When we fell out of love we worked at falling back into love. After about 12 years we even went so far as to stay in seperate bedrooms and we dated all over again and that brought the romance back into our lives. You see after 3 children and life getting in the way we tend to forget why we loved each other in the first place. So over the years its ok to fall in love over and over again, you just have to make sure it is always with the same person, "your spouse." Good luck to you both." We just celebrated our 37th anniversary and may I wish you the same. Here's a secret I am more in love with him today then I was 37 years ago, yes love grow's big time, if you nurture it and work hard at it. People who divorce for silly reason's find themselve's trading their problems for a different set of problems with someone else. So instead of trading problems love each other enough to work on the one's you have and that in itself will help bring you closer together

Answer 10

Why does she stay at home? The daughter? Eh, if she just recently had your daughter, maybe it's post partum depression. Depression can come out as being irritable and personality changes, such as no longer being hard working. Depression can also be the result of not having a job anymore. She may feel like a big part of her role in society and personality has been taken away because she is no longer working.