Women Should Know Better?

Question

I caught an episode of Oprah of the other day. They were talking about the other women. They had a few women come on talking about their experinces as that. Most of them were remorseful. One women had wrote a letter to her husbands mistress. She had never met, never seen. She explained in her letter how she didn't undestand how another women can do that to another women. Knowing he was married with children. Help distroy and family. Some kind of unspoken female bond was broken I guess?

Pretty passionate letter. She made it sound like as a women she know better. With kids involved and all that. She should have known better. Her husband she knew was wrong from the get-go! Not much else she could say to him.

Is this something other women share? Is there a harder disappoitment when an other women hurts you like that? A stranger?

WOW, SOME OF THESE ANWSERS SURE DO SURPRISE ME.

KEEP EM' COMING THOUGH.

Answer 1

Quite simply the disappointment would be with my husband. The "other woman" did not make a commitment to me.She did not need to show any respect or consideration for me or my family. Who knows what he told her to keep the attraction or encourage the attraction.It doesn't really matter.My husband on the other hand would have made a conscious choice to cheat and ultimately betray everything once held sacred. Trust gone,marriage over.

Answer 2

i am not sure but i saw that episode of oprah too and i thought the villian here is the husband. Not to take away blame from the other woman, but the wife had a contract with the husband, not the other woman and he knows her and knows that he is hurting her so he really is the person she should be talking to. The other woman could have been ANY woman, including a prostitute. If the man decides to cheat, he can find a way and blaming or harrassing the other woman, though it may give the wife some temporary comfort is really misplaced anger. That is my personal opinion.

I also saw the part about the woman who sued the other woman and won because the other woman actively pursued her husband and she couldn't sue her husband. I think that again, this is misplaced blame. I will hold my significant other responsible if he cheats even if it was in response to a naked woman offering herself up to him. That is the meaning of trust. The woman said suing the other woman was a source of empowerment etc which is all well and good but i feel its just misplaced blame because the husband is who the marriage contract was with, not the other woman

Answer 3

I would like to think that I would not blame the other woman if my husband cheated. Like others have said, he is the one that made a commitment to the relationship and he is the one that should be invested in the welfare of his pre-existing relationship and family, not some outside party.

Sure, it would be nice if we lived in a world where no one was knowingly willing to sleep with someone who was married/in a committed relationship, but people aren't perfect. I think being in a relationship like that is a punishment in itself for the "other woman" because this "other woman" is probably destined to end up either alone or with a guy who has a history of cheating.

To me there is not a "harder disappointment" when a woman hurts me vs a man doing it. I don't expect women to be better than men or vice versa...I don't think there is any unspoken code of honor amoung all females. I think all humans have their faults, regardless of their sex.

Answer 4

I've been the other woman twice - but both guys did not have kids. One was a famous hockey player actually - gorgeous - fake teeth and all. ;-)

I was young - in my early twenties - and even then I would not get involved with a man with children. I agree - it does take two to tango, and I'm just curious where the man was in all this conversation.

But to answer your question - when I was growing up, in my country, there was an unspoken rule between us girls - we'd never go after each other's boyfriend or a guy who was taken. We called that being honorable... I hope it makes sense.

Answer 5

If a married woman seek a relationship outside marriage, the primary assumption is that the husband was abusive or not caring enough or not satisfying her emotional needs or not satisfying her sexual needs.

It is well known fact that apart from ogling etc., all God given qualities like better looks of another woman have not much effect on a male, married with children to venture in to outside marriage for sex and relationship and love.

Noboy seems to ask why and how could the wife make her husband want to have a relationship out side of marriage, destroying family and a married life with kids.

It is more of wife's fault than that of mistress or the husband. In my humble opinion she should write 7 letters addressed to herself for every letter she writes to the other woman.

Answer 6

My thinking is that she thought that the other woman would have a bit of empathy and was disappointed that the other woman wouldn't think about what she (the cheated-on party) would be going through.

She has to realize that empathy goes out the window when selfishness enters the picture. People who screw around with other people's spouses--they don't care, they're just thinking about what THEY want.

Answer 7

Q: 'Is there a harder disappoitment when an other women hurts you like that? A stranger?'

A: Naah! The philandering husband is a grown-up and responsible for his own choices. We can't control other people's behavior - we can only control our own.

Answer 8

As a human being she should have known better. I would never knowingly have an affair with a man in a committed relationship. It's just rude and I could never do something like that. I can stand women that would knowingly do that either.

Answer 9

I've never cheated on my husband (and to my knowledge he's never cheated on me), but it's something I could never, ever comprehend doing. It's against my feminist principles to treat another woman so badly. I could also never comprehend mocking my marriage vows, insulting my children, or insulting another man's children or marriage.

Any man or woman who knowingly cheats with another person's spouse deserves to be taken down hard. And the cheating spouse deserves to lose the most precious thing there is - their family.

Answer 10

All three parties are to blame: The mistress for moving in on a married man, the husband for letting her, and the wife for not working through whatever issues existed in her marriage that drove him to infidelity.