I'm 26, is it weird I've only kissed one person in my life because I'm affraid of herpes?

Question

When I was in middleschool, they taught us you could get herpes just from kissing. So I stayed away from kissing.
When I was in college, I met many people with herpes, and sores on around their mouths, so I really stayed away from kissing.

I've had sex with 8 different people, but I never kiss them in the mouth.
I find preventing AIDS is easier because you can just wear a condom. Whereas herpes, you just can't kiss or have oral.


I had a GF for 2 years, I had her tested for herpes before we started kissing. She's the only person I've ever gotten oral sex from.

I'm starting to date someone new. She's weirded out how am I so 0K with having sex, but I just won't even give her a peck on the lips.


Is is too much asking someone to get tested for herpes just to give her one kiss?

Answer 1

its your body u dont need to be another statistic if she's really a woman and love and respect u she needs to be checked and tell her, and u said u rather to have sex cause its easily prevented u can get herpes because the condom only cover ur penis and no where else, and you can also get " pubic lice" called " crabs" so be carefull let every1 who u have sex with and kiss let them be tested.

Answer 2

First of all, if she doesn't have a cold sore or then the chances of you getting the herpes virus is almost zero. It's not zero but it's pretty darn close. My mother gets cold sores and she gave me lots of kisses when I was a kid and I do not have the virus and I am now 23.

Also, ask them if they've ever had a cold sore. If the answer is yes then they have the virus. If the answer is no, then then they probably don't because by your age, a cold sore would have broken out already.

Now if you are questioning their honesty then you have much larger problems with your relationship than a simple test of herpes. I do not think it is too much to ask someone to get done but to say "Hi, I'm so and so and I'd like to date you. First you must get tested for herpes" might turn off a lot of girls so I suggest you find a subtle way to ask them. Hope this helps, stay healthy.

Answer 3

while your fears do have some validity, not everyone with sores on their mouth has herpes and even if you were to get a cold sore or something it could be a lot worse. You have already spent most of your life worrying about something that should happen almost as naturally as a handshake and I dont think you should have to make your girlfriend get tested for herpes just to give her a kiss. Ask her if she thinks she has ever gotten it and take her word for it. If you were worried about something a little more serious like HIV then you should both go in and get tested together.

Answer 4

It's not *weird* -- I can understand why you feel that way -- but it's definitely interfering with a normal lifestyle. I suspect that in school they gave you that horrible "this could happen to you" style of sex ed. and it's scarred you.

You could at least tell your GF why you have a problem with kissing, and hopefully she'll be understanding of your fear. To meet her halfway, if she assured you that she didn't have herpes, you could accept that answer without requiring a test. Showing trust is very important.

Meanwhile, you might read some current literature on herpes, to get a more sensible and less terrifying perspective on the subject. Though it still isn't curable, these days it's usually quite treatable, and is nothing more than a moderate nuisance.


...Waitaminit -- you've had sex with eight different people without kissing them? I don't think I've even *kissed* eight people. Oh, MAN, I need a drink.

Answer 5

Yes it is weird and way over the top - you have a 'phobia' my friend - an irrational fear. Sure, HSV (Herpes) is real but your fear is disproportionate to the threat. Medical Institutions estimate that between 50 - 80% of the general population carries the HSV. The reason we are not all symptomatic is that a healthy immune system suppresses it. Get educated about it and begin putting it in perspective - or the only girlfriends you are gonna have is 'Madam Palm and her Five Lovely Daughters'. You are missing out on some serious pleasure by not playing 'tonsil tennis' with your girlfriend. Your school's advice sounds more like some Catholic guilt trip than genuine health advice. .

Answer 6

Okay, you can get herpes just from skin to skin contact with someone who has the virus, condom or not (the condom doesn't cover everything. Herpes isn't only spread by kissing and oral sex. Don't know where you got that idea. You are being a bit nuts about it--herpes causes occasional sores, but it isn't going to kill you.

Answer 7

Funny that, you see I have the virus that causes cold sores, hsv-1, genitally... so though you couldn't catch herpes from kissing me or me giving you oral sex, you could catch it through genital sex with me.

Condoms actually provide very little protection for a man having sex with a woman with genital herpes. You see, it is passed by skin to skin contact, and while condoms cover a a good part of the male genitals, most women have outbreaks on the external genitalia where the condom does not cover. I have heard of several men who have caught herpes while using a condom. The standard answer is they provide around 50% protection against herpes and warts, but that figure is much lower for a man.

Thing is, one in four women have genital herpes, so you have probably had sex with one or two already, even if they didn't own up to it or didn't know. Herpes, wherever it is, is generally a very mild virus and not a big deal.

I am about the same age as you, I caught genital herpes from receiving oral sex from my long term boyfriend, who has got cold sores since he was a child, although he did not have one when he gave me herpes - there is still a chance of passing it between outbreaks. My sister also caught genital herpes through receiving oral sex from her second partner. Again, he was one of the many people who get cold sores - 8 out of 10 are infected with oral herpes.

You see, oral herpes or cold sores may not seem very pleasant to you, but it protects you from getting hsv-1 genitally through oral sex at a later date, and gives you some protection against catching genital hsv-2.

Since none of my family have cold sores, and neither my sister nor I therefore had oral herpes, we were both at a much higher risk of catching genital herpes than someone who already got cold sores.

If I had caught cold sores asa child or teenager, I wouldn't have genital herpes now. And although both are very minor physically, they really aren't a big deal, the stigma of having genital herpes rather than oral herpes is not wonderful. I really wish I could have caught cold sores as a child or teenager instead.

So altogether, having oral herpes isn't that big a deal. Daft question, but did you get yourself tested for both hsv-1 and hsv-2? Because even if you never ever remember having a cold sore, you may still be infected. The majority of people who are infected are infected by the time they leave nursery, and 8 out of 10 people who are infected don't know, because the virus causes no symptoms.

You aren't going to get genital herpes from kissing, only cold sores. So personally, the only thing I'd be wary of is receiving oral sex, and having intercourse, even with condoms, if you have such a herpes phobia. But then again having herpes is just a risk you take in life, if you want to actually live it.

So what would you do if she tests positive? I wouldn't settle down with a man who wouldn't have a full physical relationship with me, or one that was frightened to kiss me.

Answer 8

I find it funny that you make people test their mouths, yet you don't make them test for STDS.

Condoms aren't 100% safe you know!


And HOW the hell did you get 8 women to sleep with you without kissing them?! Jeeez.


Take a risk. Life is too short.

I've kissed well over a 100 people, and i've never had a cold sore in my life. I don't have herpes. The risk is very, very, very small.

Answer 9

Yes. That's going too far. The mouth herpes is a less serious form of herpes. Actually, I read that 95 percent of people will contract herpes of the mouth in their lifetime. It should be nothing to worry about, even if you do catch it. Genital Herpes is the stuff you gotta worry about.

Answer 10

It's a little much actually dude! Instead of them going to see the herpes doctor, you should go and see a shrink! No offence, but your problem is way bigger than someone who has a cold sore. Hope you find some relief as I believe this may bother you significantly enough to really limit your happiness. Look at Howie Mandell... lives like a scared cat...!