why is it wrong to let your infant "cry it out"??

Question

ive never seen anything wrong with it as long as you check on him every 5-10 min. my son is 1 month and i let him "cry it out" if i have to at night. they need to know the difference. but i alsodont make him sleep the whole night he wakes up every 3-4 hours on his own to eat. why is this so wrong??

Answer 1

At one month old your baby is helpless and needs to feel love and care from you. He needs to learn that you will always be there and that he can trust you.
Letting him cry it out is the worst thing you can do for your child at this age. You are right that he doesn't know any different but it is his only way of communicating that something is wrong!

Answer 2

i didn't let my son cry it out till about 6 mos and it lasted one night. i live 6 hours away from my parents and when kayden was a babe we went to visit for 6 weeks and you can imagine how much he was held. but all babies need alone time. and because he cannot speak or express his fusration he cries and screams. as a mom you know which is which. and they need comfort as well. i would leave him for 2 minutes go in and say it's okay a quick hug and back he would go lasted maybe 30 minutes and he calmed down. he's 2 now and sometimes i still have to do the same due he's over stimulated at times with so many things going on in his little world. only you know your baby best and try it out when you feel he's ready. and i was a lucky mom my son slept well but around 6 mos he decided to change his sleeping pattern after he started daycare i would make him stay up later and stimulate him a little more and have smaller naps through the day like 2 little ones instead of a big one. then he caught on and still does he has a small nap in the afternoon and then 12 hours at night but he loves sleep as well. and the afternoon is when we do activites to tire him out a little and now he's all good. your in control and let him stay up a little longer and wake him up he may be miserable for a few days but eventually he will catch up. but some babies dont sleep through the night until later.

Answer 3

There's letting the baby cry it out and going in and comforting the child every few minutes, making sure it's needs are met, not letting the child get hysterical, and then there's letting the baby get hysterical, releasing the nasty stress hormones that can cause damage and teaching them that they can't trust their caregiver to respond to their needs. What will happen is they will just stop trying and while you wind up with a very meek and "well behaved" child will lead to issues later in life with how they relate to other children and to other people in their life.

Yes I let my boy cry, for a minute or two, if I already know that everything he needs has been taken care of and he is crying because he doesn't want to go to sleep or he's tired and grumpy. However it never gets past mild crying before I go and check on him, comfort him, ect... If he's been quiet or sleeping and it's a sudden cry then I am there in a flash to soothe him.

Does your "checking on him" mean comforting him until he stops crying and making sure his diaper is still clean, his tummy is full, he's burped and he's not too warm or cold, he has his suckie (if he uses one), his music is on/off, etc... and then leaving him to fall asleep again, or staying with him until he does if you have to go check on him every 5 minutes for more than a half an hour then it all sounds good! However this is just what I do with my boy, remember you are the Mommy and you follow your instincts.

Answer 4

Wait until your baby is physically and emotionally ready to sleep through the night, usually between 4 and 6 months of age. Ferber doesn't designate a precise age at which to begin his technique, since it can vary so much depending on the child.

If you're not sure whether your baby's ready, you can always give it a try. If you encounter too much resistance, wait a few weeks and try again.

Step 1
Put your baby in his crib when he's sleepy but still awake.

Step 2
Say goodnight to your child and leave the room. If he cries when you leave, let him cry for a predetermined amount of time. (See "How long should I leave my child alone?" below.)

Step 3
Go back into the room for no more than a minute or two to pat and reassure your baby. Leave the light off and keep your voice quiet and soothing. Don't pick him up. Leave again while he's still awake, even if he's crying.

Step 4
Stay out of the room for a little bit longer than the first time and follow the same routine, staying out of the room for gradually longer intervals, each time returning for only a minute or two to pat and reassure him, and leaving while he's still awake.

Step 5
Follow this routine until your child falls asleep when you're out of the room.

Step 6
If your child wakes up again later, follow the same routine, beginning with the minimum waiting time for that night and gradually increasing the intervals between visits until you reach the maximum for that night.

Step 7
Increase the amount of time between visits to the nursery each night. In most cases, according to Ferber, your baby will be going to sleep on his own by the third or fourth night — a week at the most. If your child is very resistant after several nights of trying, wait a few weeks and then try again.

How long should I leave my child alone?
In his book, Ferber suggests these intervals:

First night: Leave for three minutes the first time, five minutes the second time, and ten minutes for the third and all subsequent waiting periods.

Second night: Leave for five minutes, then ten minutes, then 12 minutes.

Make the intervals longer on each subsequent night.

Keep in mind that there's nothing magical about these waiting periods. You can choose any length of time you feel comfortable with.

Answer 5

He's a little small to cry it out. This is the time to teach him that when he needs you, you'll be there. Letting him cry once in a while is fine, but I would make a habit of responding immediately to him most of the time. He is stressed by crying (see earlier answer on cortisol). Stress does not help him grow or learn.

Babies are born with instincts. They're the same instincts that newborns have had for centuries. They know that it's dangerous to wake up alone. So put him closer to you at night, and you might find he cries less. Yes, it's ok for him to sleep next to you as long as you don't smoke and you're not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol (drugs including sleep aids).

Look into some research done by Dr. James McKenna (google his name) or read more about sleeping near your baby on askdrsears.com.

Answer 6

Our ped told us to start the whole "cry it out" around 3 -4 months. At 1 month there is really no cognitive ability for the child to think, "well, shes not coming back so I might as well go to bed." Sometimes it is the sense of touch for the child to know that someone is there - the heart beat sound, the warmth....the comfort.

I am not sure what you are doing - if you are still feeding every three to four hours, and the baby is gaining and you are not ignoring - what is the child crying out? If you need a break - maybe you could pump before you go to bed and a spouse/partner could do one of the late night feedings?

1 month is a tough age. I was at my wits end. I feel for you - but I promise - it gets better. At three months, it was like a light went off in his head and he was thinking, "OK, I love her but she needs to sleep. Momma is not looking so hot." Good luck. :)

Answer 7

Only 1 month old and you're letting him cry it out already!? That's way too young to be starting! Your son needs to know you're available and be secure in the factthat you are there. PLUS, at one month old, if he is waking up in the middle of the night, it's normal because he's probably hungry!
I'm still appalled that you let a 1 month old cry it out! They don't understand until about 6 months old!
I personally have never let my son "cry it out" because he doesn't cry unless something is wrong. Unless we're on the way home in the car and he's crying, there's nothing I can do. But at home, the moment he's crying, I'm right there finding out why.

EDIT*** I just read "Amanda's" post and she hit the nail on the head! I'm with her all the way. What you are doing is heartbreaking to a 4 week old. I almost want to cry thinking about your little one month old crying it out!

Answer 8

ok the ferber cry it out method is suggested for a bit later in infancy like 4 months at least i believe. 1 month is not recommended. a 4 wk old has no clue that he should sleep b/c u say so. he is still getting acclimated to the world. the 1st year of life deals with trust vs. mistrust. a baby learns that his needs will be met by his parents when he cries for help. all he can do is cry for something he cant get up and say hey mom my diapers wet or i think i need some food. babies also need skin to skin contact not just an object to stop crying. in other words every time they cry it may not be for food, diaper or something material. they need holding and cuddling and feeling secure. he just came out 4 wks ago from a cozy warm place. now its bright out here and colder and a "scary" place. please if u want to do this method give baby a bit more time to get accustomed to things. xoxo

Answer 9

He is too young still to be crying it out. At a month he still needs you every time he cries. He is telling you something. They don't know the difference a month of age. Maybe at 6 - 8 months they do. He is still a newborn and newborns need a lot at this stage. Read more information on child rearing, you may need it.

Answer 10

They say you should not let your baby cry it out until they are a bit older. When they are younger than 6 months you are establishing that trust. They need to know you are there. You are to meet their needs. They are crying because they have a need. When the baby gets older you can let them cry it out if you like but for newborns it is not recommended.

congrats on your baby!!

also this is off the point and I am not being offensive it's just something I have always wondered...why is your screen name suicide? I'm just curious. Just something I have seen and didn't have enough guts to ask.......

Answer 11

When your baby cries it is because they NEED something. They may just need to be held.

One good reason not to let them cry it out is so they feel more secure about themselves and the relationship they have with you.

Try to remember that the baby is not crying to intentionally keep you up at night. Babies that young are not having tantrums. They are too young too understand what it is. In fact it will at least another year before they can really pitch a tantrum.

The more secure your baby feels about you the more secure and happy and mentally healthy your baby will be. Hold your child. Please. There is no reason not too.

I know it can be frustrating to having a crying baby, but whoever told you it would be OK to let them cry it is wrong. My Mother In Law kept trying to make us do that.