A very dark poem for the evening. comments and critics have at it.?

Question

walls of sanity

Why would you twist my words that way,
So that answers become bad questions.
I cannot explain images of bleak torture,
I'm on the edge of my own suicide.

I can't reveal my horrible fear,
I can't even reveal my pain.
Breaking the rules of this morbid game,
It becomes artificial relief.

I dugged myself with alcohol,
Cut myself with a razor blade.
The burning pain inside me is real,
Please help me to face the truth.

I feel my life going down the drain,
The end of my life drawing near.
No purpose, no goal, no destiny,
A solution just cannot be found.

Climbing the walls of sanity,
I can't take it too much longer.
Why are you pointing and judging me,
How can I end all his misery.

Answer 1

This poem seems to be aimed at the grey crowds, who don't see anything but the superficial side of a person. Yes, they can judge you, but you'll still be a valuable poet in spite of their mean words.

Answer 2

I'm happy that you've continued to step away from rhyming, as this gives you a freer range of expressing yourself. This is strong and evocative, definitely hellacious. I liked the split in the last line from first person to second as it indicated a detachement, potentially different direction for the narrator. My quibble: Stanza 1, line 4, "outside my own suicide" or "edge of my own murder" might be stronger. Other than that, very nice!

Answer 3

poets of ur status ought to easily share and advise novices like me wish u will help me while,................. while………. while my coronary heart throb stops, and my coronary heart falls from its cage, will you carry it please. once you're crossing the line, and my eyes come out, will you catch them for me. while my respiratory fails and that i want mouth to mouth resuscitation , will you come back my breath for me. nicely if I fall and my neck breaks, will you purely carry it there right this moment, Will you please. while i'm in a shiver and my physique does quiver, will then you come nearer to me, As by way of fact of your heat temperature My fever is not greater an anguish. while………………… A visions innovative and prescient UP interior the MOUNTAIN Up interior the mountain I climb to make certain Many a birds and a large number of a bee, some butterflies additionally bypass fly, yet no longer often one sees, without sigh. Up interior the mountains i'm getting clean air, And none at me does stare. Up interior the sky like a lark, I roam freely even while it’s darkish. Up interior the heavens i desire to locate a silence I in no way have discovered ever. a feeling of solace and peace up interior the sky i locate actual convenience i don't be attentive to why. i could desire to have silence and entire peace, no person does my strategies then fleece. As i bypass the completed course up so lonely, I to myself can talk so easily freely. Up interior the mountain who am I to fulfill, None different than myself, do I greet. The murmur of the woodland and quietude, help stumble on strategies befitting my flair. Then I return back to the mundane, and start up afresh, throughout and as quickly as back. A VISIONS’ innovative and prescient

Answer 4

You certainly have a way of describing mental hell that's for sure. What a way with words! Very STRONG imagery.
Excellent work indeed.
But I'm so glad I'm not climbing those walls of sanity! :O))

Answer 5

This is a heart wrenching poem that gets to the very soul; ; and affects me deep in my heart,You have a great way with your words; as you make the poetry ;come alive.,.,.,

Answer 6

A cry in the wilderness, looking for ears with a heart.

Answer 7

Your last two have been powerful. This one really drives home the point. Very nice.

Answer 8

a few more Guinness usually works for me

not into that other stuff

if he is 21, try that maybe

Answer 9

I Loved it i give u a 10. GOD BLESS