Let me start off by stating that I am not religious, so please skip dogmatic answers that offer no tangible help. My behavior may be shallow, and I may be a dog, but I seek a real answer to my question. With this, I will fill in the details: I began a purely sexual relationship with a woman two years ago. She is ten years my senior. As time progressed, I did indeed fall in love with her (or as close as I can personally come to being in love). As the time period for chemical release waned, though, I've found my sexual appitites wandering once more. While I have remained faithful, but I am subject to temptations. I know a relationship can be built on more than physical attraction, and that looks matter less as we age. I'm 34, and she's 43, and I've become "bored." I care about her, and don't wish to hurt her. Is it possible to overcome these failures on my part over time, or am I simply dilluding myself?
2007-10-20 10:21:14 · 25 answers · asked by voidedlives 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your not in love with her. You haven't met the right one. That may sound stupid or corny but its true. I've been married twice and lived with someone for a while but it always seemed to come up short or we got bored. I'm now married to a wonderful man, who matches me on almost every aspect. Our sex life is never boring, we are always doing and trying new things. When you find the right one it just clicks.
2007-10-20 10:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by Girly1 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
In one part, you said you did indeed fall in love with her.
In another part, you say that you care about her.
Could it be that you "love her" .. but are not "in-love" with her? Sometimes, it is difficult to distnguish between the 2 loves. Sometimes, it takes TIME to know the difference.
Lots of people, when a relationship grows older & 'boreder' .. the need for something new manifests. Temptations comes into the picture. Often, not being satisfied will follow. Then .. giving in to temptations mature.
Not always - but often.
People can have sex anywhere .. but relationships is another thing. Not everyone can have a true relationship with true feelings.
Even though you don't wish to hurt her - your own desires may over-rule. It all depends on the person. Each person has to make their own decisions.
It is possible to over the failures. It is also possible that you may be dilluting yourself. No one knows for sure. The answer is inside of you. You will have to get to know yoursefl very well.
Sometimes, a person does not miss the water, until the well goes dry. Meaning, you may just be bored .. and if you lost her - it could rock your world .. or not rock your world.
Time would tell. The decisions we put in our lives, determines our lives.
2007-10-20 18:14:31 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The temptations may be that the two of you have fallen into a routine in your day to day life and that carries over into the sexual aspect of the relationship as well. Try to do other things together which may stop you from being bored - take a vacation together somewhere different perhaps in another country, take up a sport together you would both enjoy, perhaps even try skydiving. A person can not be bored and having an enjoyable time at the same time, so ting of ways to have fun together and try that.
2007-10-20 17:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
People fall in and out of love. It happens. And people do get bored. Maybe she isn't offering everything that you need, and want? Relationships that are started for purely sexual reasons, burn really bright in the beginning, these relationships are hot and intense at first. Then as time goes by, it becomes less and less of that. And if your bored, really there is nothing that you can do about that. There isn't a cure or a hope for this. She just isn't the " one " becasue if she was, then you would be still be in love with her, want her, want this relationship to grow and be more of what is should be. You wouldn't be subjected to other temptations, there wouldn't be a single woman in the world who could tempt you. Your 34. Sure you care about her, and don't want to hurt her, but you are bored of her. As much as it is going to hurt, if you break it off with her, its going to hurt but in the long run, she will look back and be very thankful that you ended things because it will give her the chance to find a man who deserves her.
As for you, the longer you stay in this relationship, the worse it is going to be for you to break it off and the worse its going to be for her, becasue you aren't being true.
2007-10-20 17:37:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Most romantic relationships start as a sexual or chemical attraction. Most marriages start similar to your experience. In a committed relationship a person makes the decision to work at making the relationship work for both people as the exciting sexual experience wanes. This is the only way a mature fulfilling relationship can ever be achieved.
You can walk out if you wish but you will find your next relationship will be similar to this one unless you and your partner will committ to sticking it out. Until you are willing to make committments and your partner the same you will probably continue what you have now.
2007-10-20 18:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by stedyedy 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
We all have temptations. She does too. Who's to say she isn't bored too? And don't think she hasn't picked up on your "boredom". She maybe rethinking the relationship and may not be in love as you are. After two years you are bored - well in relationships there are times of dissatisfaction and times when everything is going great. Are you willing to work on this relationship to make it better? Are you willing to put in the effort? Or when times are bad are you on to the next conquest?
2007-10-20 18:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Either way you look at it someone is getting hurt that is always a given when things go wrong in relationships. I would suggest mutually getting out of the relationship, although that is hard at times. If you have a wondering eye and feel eventually you will cheat, spare everyone the grief and heartache... just tell her how you are feeling. That is an important part of being "with" someone. Communication is key and you should be open with her. Sometime we start things out one way and they end up become something much more then we expected. Have enough respect for her to let her know your feelings. You could at times overcome feelings, but at that point I think you are just FAKING IT! You owe her and yourself more then faking a relationship... It's time to move on.
2007-10-20 17:54:42 · answer #7 · answered by bluebutterflylauran 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You have to allow yourself to be you without judging yourself too harshly, while still living in reality. The reality of the situation is that you a 34 year old adult male with less that quality attributes. You have to make the decision to be better and do better and grow as a person, or don't and still try to grow from there. Growing is the key. It sounds like hurting her is inevitable so it's best just to be honest and upfront about your feelings, don't try to get a reaction out of her, just tell her the truth. As you get older and mature more you will want to be in a comfortable, committed relationship, it's just how life works for the most part, if you're not ready now, you're not ready...
2007-10-20 17:37:23 · answer #8 · answered by Christian F 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Honestly...I would move on and keep from hurting her more. Talk to her about your feelings...you may find that she's feeling the same way.
There is a possibility that you can get those feelings back for her. Has there been issues or changes in the relationship? Has the sex fizzled out??? Look at those things. If you want to continue the relationship there may be things you two can do to re-kindle those old feelings of lust and love.
If it's just the fact that you don't want to be with her then I would end it now. Everyone faces temptations...it just depends on how we react to them.
2007-10-20 17:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by Tina 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
the thing u mentioned about chemical release, i'm not real sure what u mean, but it sounds like u might have doing some nose candy. well right theres why u wanted some side action. stay away from that stuff.
2007-10-20 20:14:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋