My wife has been diagnosed with bpd?

Question

She is very likely having an affair now and has designated me as the enemy. I would like to save the marriage - there are also children involved. She is going to counseling - but is not ready to accept a bpd diagnosis. Is there any hope that she removes me from "enemy" status? I have removed all conflict and disagreement - yet I am still viewed as an enemy, cannot do anything right - and she does not love me anymore and does not think she ever can. Should I walk away and try to seek full custody of our kids or should I hang in there as long as she is participating in counseling?

Answer 1

I must say that if she is having an affair that changes things. Even if you are working with the bipolar disorder the affair puts a new ball in the court. You need to decide if you love her - take the kids out of the equation. You don't want your kids growing up thinking that this is how marrage is.

Make a list of reasons to stay and a list of reasons to go. Then you can make a better decision

Good luck, and God bless

Answer 2

People with BPD have a very dismal cure rate. Not only that, but children raised with a BPD parent oftentimes turn out that way themselves. Usually it manifests around the early 20's, late teens in those cases.

Please, get out now and get the kids out too. She will never be cured of this. In the past, therapists would refuse to even see people with BPD because there is just no cure for it, but in the past few years they've decided it's more financially lucrative to put BPD's on meds and keep them coming back. Which doesn't help them at all.

So for the kids' sake, I'd get out, and not allow them to be around her either, unless supervised visitation.

And for those who don't know, BPD is not bipolar disorder, which DOES have a good treatment rate. BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder. Most BPD's are actually incapable of even feeling love, unless it relates to their own sense of survival, they learn how to mimic emotion by watching other people, and are EXTREMELY manipulative. Many cult leaders are BPD, for instance. Until the people around them actually learn that the BPD is INCAPABLE of loving others, they will lead miserable lives trying to please the BPD when it can never be done. Everything revolves around the BPD and his or her own needs and survival is the only thing that ever matters to the BPD, even though they learn how to fake caring for others - it's not real.

Answer 3

Ultimately, you must decide whether to stay or go, but if you do go, definitely seek custody. If your wife has bpd, just counseling isn't going to help. It's a chemical imbalance and must be carefully controlled with medication. Unfortunately, many bpd don't like the way they feel on meds (you no longer have the "high" of the manic phase). The fact that she isn't accepting the diagnosis isn't a very good sign.

Answer 4

Are you in counseling with her? Or at least seeking some on your own (with her same counselor?). Has 'organic' diseases been ruled out (pituitary disorders, thyroid, a full blood work and MRI, etc), or did they just throw her on pills? My son had BPD and yes, I became the enemy. You need to seek counseling for now only yourself but perhaps the kids (you didn't say what age), as this will affect them, maybe not now, but it may be genetic. This is scary to her, so please understand this. Just explain to her you're trying to help her best you can. Divorce and custody is just another log on the fire, so don't make any moves without first seeking some couseling for yourself.... {{{Empress Hug}}}

Answer 5

I would hang in there if you think the counseling is doing any good at all until the point where you feel there is no reason to do that and study what you can about the problem - I included one link below - but you also have to be prepared if necessary to walk away and get custody of the kids if need be. you can urge her to seek medical help for that as well if she is not doing that now and perhaps that may help as well since some are able to live with that but she has to acknowledge that she has the problem and seek help or nothing you can do will help her and divorce then is the only option. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 6

I have bpd, yes it is difficult, but not impossible.
We can love and know how to handle and care for our families and children. I have been married for 31 years, two children 23 and 26, one graduated
from college in BIOLOGICAL ENGEREERING and the other is still in college for FINANCE. so
therefore, my kids and family are fine, yes we have
problems just like any family does. I have been
BIPOLOR FOR 18 YEARS...NOW... take my meds and two times in those 18 years I have had problems. Yes, we have difficult days. I own and
operate a dry cleaning business for 8 years now.
Stress can cause any one to lose their mind, not
just bpd people...Many men and women have affairs, not just bpd people...I want you to know that Christoper Columbus, Estiestien, and Thomas
Eddison among other GENIUS were all Bipolar
back then people thought they were all crazy...
Think really hard about this, your family should be
the most important thing to you, in sickness...
I suggest that you forgive yourself, she was not in her right mind when she had an affair or what..because that could really be an important issue to you and her. The mind is so powerful that
no one knows how powerful is really is until you
walk in that persons shoes..Would she leave you if
you were in her shoes with this mental illiness...
Leaving her now (SHE NEEDS YOU THE MOST)
could really be devistating thing for her. give her
time to heal and time for you to heal before jumping into separttion ....I know...I've been there
if it were not for my loving and caring husband I really believe I would have been in a mental instiution all my life....one day at a time....love and
support...its not going to be easy however,
what marragie is easy...life is not easy

Answer 7

If you really love her and want to save your marriage, yes, perhaps waiting for a while to see if the counseling helps would be good, but she has to accept her problem and be on medication, if that doesn't happen, then I am sorry, there is no hope. I know of someone who went through the same thing with his wife, she really went over the edge, he has full custody of all six of his children, wow, I commend him and she has seriously turned to drugs and is totally messed up. He chose to get his kids and move on, that's all he could do, he hung in there as long as he could. I'm sorry your having to go through this, I hope the counseling helps, but like I said, it is going to take more than that. Good luck. Hugs to you and your children.

Answer 8

she may be taking it out on you that she found out th bpd. she knows how she developed it. but if she blames you and makes you look like the guilty party, then she doesn't have to take any of that blame on to her self. if you love her and you want your marriage to succeed, i would stick by her. i know it's hard. but if you don't call it quits, then when she is ready to stop playing the blame game then she will realize you have stuck by her through everything. just take it one day at a time, and keep praying. i wouldn't try to seek full custody of the children unless she is. because that will only tear your children apart. if a divorce is the only option left, try to be strong try not to hate her, for the sake of peice of mind and your children. we are adult and will forgive and/or forget and move on. what happens next can effect your children for the rest of your lives. i speak from experience. the child's experience. take care, good luck, you both will be in my prayers.

Answer 9

I am assuming you mean bi polar disorder right? I think once she has been going to counseling for awhile she will come to accept her diagnosis and things will probably get better. If you still love her,try and just hang in there. Divorce is never good for kids. It causes internal conflicts and low self esteem. If she isn't doing them any harm, don't try and take her kids away from her. That will only cause the manic spirals harder on her. If you are determined to divorce her, try to make it as fluid and peaceful as possible. I think once she comes to grip with being diagnosed and realizes that it isn't the end of the world, she will realize that she still loves you. A lot of the time the disease makes people push away those they love for fear of hurting them. good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

i'am sorry you and you family are going through this. I really feel you need to do what is best for the kids. there already going through a lot seeing there mom like this, protect them put them first. keep them safe the fact that she is in counseling doesn't mean that she doesn't have the chance of lossing it.hope things get better for you and your little ones