I have what most people would say a good husband, but I find it very hard to stay true to him. I have had several affairs all of which he knows about. He has stayed with me through these times. I have tried to stay faithful but for some reason can't. I am currently having a 4 year affair with a man whom I love . What do you do in this case
2007-10-20 09:12:59 · 29 answers · asked by rehab_diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a tough one. Is the man you are having an affair with married? If he is not married and you love him you should then divorce your husband immediately. Now, if you love your husband and you want your marriage to work you seriously need HELP. Are you going to therapy? If not you really should seek help. I am not a doctor; so, it's hard to say why you can't be faithful. Maybe, its your up bringing, maybe, your addicted to sex, maybe, you have low self esteem or maybe, you get a thrill of doing something behind your husbands back. No matter the reason your behavior is not normal. Not only are you hurting your husband, the other men, the families, but most importantly you are hurting yourself. If you don't love your husband please set him free. There is still plenty of time for him to find a woman that will love him and only him. I also want to say congratulations for noticing that you have an issue and by writing in is definetly a step in the right direction...keep seeking help!!!!! Good Luck to you and please stop hurting people including yourself.
2007-10-20 09:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason you cheat is within YOU. It is not your husband's or anyone else's fault. It's not that you can't, as you always have had a choice. You choose to cheat. You need to look within yourself to see what you lack within yourself, what you are looking for with these multiple affairs. Do you have a low self esteem? Are you looking for affirmation from all these men?
Look into getting counseling to figure out your inner problems and work on making yourself a stronger person. Do you have a sexual addiction, or other problems that lead you to need all this attention?
Does your husband know that you are having an ongoing affair? If not, you are forcing him to live a lie and that is just not fair to him. You say your husband is 'good', but you do not mention love for him, but you do when it comes to your affair partner. But, your affair partner is not supporting or providing for you like your husband. So, you are treating your husband with disrespect. I'm sure he stayed with you after discovery of your other affairs under the understanding that you would change. But, you continue to lie to him. He deserves better.
If you will not be true to your husband, then let it be his choice whether or not he wants to live this life with you. Be honest, tell him about your ongoing affair and let it be your Husband's choice as to whether he will stay with you or not. Let it be his choice if he is willing to be hurt by your self indulgent actions.
Your going to continue this pattern with other men and have lots of heartache. Stay single if you want to have multiple partners. Don't drag someone else into this unless they want it also.
2007-10-20 09:29:34 · answer #2 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really sad. I can't believe your husband puts up with this, how can he live with someone who he can't trust? I hope you haven't put his health at risk or that their is any children involved. Were you like this before you got married? Perhaps you are a sex addict and you love the thrill of knowing your doing something wrong and possibly getting caught. As for your question, "What do you do in this case?" You should see a doctor and seek counseling, some kind of professional help, because you have a problem. Either way, this is not healthy, your not being fair to your husband who you promised to be with and only love him for life. You have to stop, your only hurting yourself and those who love you.
2007-10-20 09:21:29 · answer #3 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have answered your own question.
You say you are having a 4 year affair with a man that you love. Have you ever cheated on this man? If you have never cheated on this man - then this may be exactly what you needed .. him? !
Maybe you simply are not IN LOVE with your husband. You could LOVE you husband .. but not be IN LOVE with your husband. There is a great big difference between the 2 types of love.
If you do not love your husband in the right way, the way a woman truly loves a man -- then it could cause you to always search & hunt for that type of love .. thus, that man you want to really be in love with.
Have you been loyal to the man you are currently in love with? If you have been loyal - then this could be your answer.
If you have never been loyal, then you may never be loyal to anyone.
Every person has their own Christian beliefs, their own morals to uphold, and their own integrity to answer to. So you will have to decide what to do about cheating on your husband according to your own beliefs.
You must decide what is right .. and what is wrong. Also, consider your husband and what he has endured for you. Combine thoughts of future years in these considerations.
Every person in this world has desires that they really want to do. But this does not mean they do them. You do not have to cheat. You can stop yourself by simply not allowing yourself to cheat. If may make you unhappy not to cheat, but you can stop yourself, if you want to.
.
2007-10-20 09:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband and see if you can turn your relationship into a polyamorous relationship. Just be honest w/ your husband, you're not the type of person to be faithful to only one. You wish you could be, but it's not who you are. Some people just shouldn't be monogamous.
If everyone involved is okay with it, you can still love your husband and have other partners too. (it would only be fair if your husband could have other partners as well though)
2007-10-20 09:29:17 · answer #5 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People like you should just stay single. Why bother with marriage?
Maybe you are addicted to the newness of relationships. That great in love can't get enough of each other feeling you get when you start a new relationship before you become comfortable with each other.
2007-10-20 10:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by jennniferlea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to get a divorce, eh? You're not ready to be married, and you're only hurting the man who apparently really DOES love you. Do you enjoy hurting him?
It's too bad you are throwing away a chance to have a happy life with someone who loves you. That's a rare thing these days. But, if you don't love him (and you don't, or you would rather die yourself than do anything to hurt him), then you should set him free so he can find someone who will love him as he deserves to be loved.
2007-10-20 09:24:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a good husband and he forfull your needs than why do you cheat is their something missing in your marriage thats causing you to go out and cheat on him, my question to you is that are you in love with your husband are you just there for security. you stated that your in love with this other man so why are you still there with your husband. Either way someone is going to get hurt.
best of luck
2007-10-20 09:22:49 · answer #8 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some women are missing good morals and family values. You should try to go back to when you were a child and see if something in your childhood affected your attitude towards sexuality??? Maybe you have a spite towards men? Maybe subconsciously your rebelling from something that happened to you???
Maybe its not you. Maybe you love your husband but your not in love with him. Do you prefer sex with your lover?
I believe that if a woman truly loves her husband, she would let him go before breaking his heart.
Be very careful because what goes around comes around.
2007-10-20 09:47:00 · answer #9 · answered by SmartSexyWifey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are weak and have no self control. Some people cheat, some people over eat and some possess other compulsions. There is no real reason but you will try to think of one as a way to justify the behavior. Just STOP.
2007-10-20 09:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋