First off this was not my fault. I was recently raped while coming home from my friends house. If that wasn't bad enough with the cops and not even being able to find him i realized i missed three periods. I am only 17 and i do not believe in abortion. I would like to know someones opinion on whether i should keep my baby or if i should give my baby up for adoption.. I dont want to give my baby up but i cant take care of him. I do work and get good enough money to support myself but i just dont know if i should take on my child or give the baby up to someone who can take better care of the baby than i can.
2007-10-20 09:05:32 · 22 answers · asked by worriedvictim 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
If it were me I'd have an abortion. However you don't believe in doing that. And I congratulate you on that. I read a story the other night about a woman who got pregnant through rape. She decided to have and keep her baby. She was in her teens at the time she wrote her story she was in her 30's. Not only was she rapped by someone she knew he threatened her life and when he found out she was pregnant with his kid he had a buddy go rape her again (this is while she was still pregnant). Now her belief, and personally I love this belief although I couldn't keep it as my own belief, was that the fetus inside her wasn't his child but HERS. She said that it wasn't the babies fault that she'd gotten rapped and that she loved it just as much as the kids she had later on in life with her husband because it was HERS, not his. As far as she was concerned he didn't even exist. I thought you might get something out of that story. No one, not even your parents can tell you if you should keep your baby or give him or her up for adoption. Be brave and don't be afraid of the right decision for you. Good Luck.
2007-10-20 09:26:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I completly understand not wanting to get an abortion (i don't believe in it either) however, I do think you should give it up to adoption. First, I'm not saying that you can't handle a baby, I have a 15 year old cousin who is a great mother, but you would have to take on so much. The cost of diapers, health insurance, daycare, and formula is a whole lot, not to mention all the rest of the stuff you will need to take care of the little one. Then, I have this feeling that you will find it weird having a baby that you were raped to have. I'm not saying you won't love him/her but what if unconciously everytime you look at this baby it brings back memories..do you really want that? But, in the end, you know yourself better than anyone on this answering device, so do what you want to do, and good luck!
2007-10-21 03:27:48 · answer #2 · answered by christy s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Place the baby up for adoption. Adoption has really changed recently and there are many different types. You can have a closed adoption where you don't have any contact to an open adoption where you get regular updates and can visit the baby. There is so much to taking care of a child that makes it difficult for even the most prepared person. I've been a single mom for 10 years and I have a college education and it has not been easy!
2007-10-20 09:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by sclmarm 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey! My heart goes out to you for being in a situation that no one should ever have to face! First of all, you need to talk to a professional counselor who can help you through this! Go to www.itsaboutlove.org for more info and an 800# to call to talk to someone confidentially about your options for free. Adoption is a beautiful thing that requires a lot of courage. There are so many childless couples waiting to adopt -- you could give the baby a loving family and the family the child that they want desperately! My husband and I just adopted a beautiful baby girl and it has been the most amazing experience!! We have a very open relationship with the birth mother so she sill gets to be a part of her baby's life and know how she's doing. You are so young and have so much of life ahead! Placing the baby for adoption would give you the chance to graduate and do more with your life so that someday when you are ready to be a parent you will be able to support your child and be all that your child needs you to be! E-mail me if you want to talk, ok? adoptionlove@hotmail.com
2007-10-20 16:24:31 · answer #4 · answered by Amy B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't ask us that question, you should ask yourself. The baby is still half of you too, but it shouldn't have to be your burden to bear forever. Still have your life ahead of you, need to live a normal life too as before. If you're absolutely sure and prepared that your decision won't cause you anguish and regret(you need to think about this)later in life, then if you should have no means to support a baby you can then give it up for adoption. It's not forever goodbye, you can still see him or he'll find you. I suppose adoption is the only option if you have no way to care for the baby but don't want to have an abortion. There's alot of couples out there who would want to adopt and the baby will be loved and be well supported. The question is, are you prepared for that?
Then ask your parents. Can they be able or anyone else be able to take care of and/or support the baby while you finish school? See what your counselors can think of too.
My heart goes out to you...
2007-10-20 09:52:11 · answer #5 · answered by jm7 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt make any rash decisions. I am 18 and have 2 children. I dont work and manage ok. I had my first at 16 which was planned, but then at 17 I fell pregnant on the pill and was shocked. I dont believe in abortions either but considered it because I didnt no how I would cope but as soon as I held him when he was born, I was so glad I didnt get an abortion. Money can be tight alot of the time but me and my partner manage and make the most of what we do have. I would rather be pennyless than be with out my kids.
Maybe your family could help you out from time to time with money and babysitting so you can still have a bit of a life. I think there are enough kids in care because of one thing or another. It's your body, your baby and your choice but I think you will cope physically, mentally and financially better than you think.
2007-10-20 11:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by Natz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right it isn't your fault. And since you are against abortions and you feel you can't take care of a child then put him/her up for adoption. It reads like you would like to keep your baby. If you decide later that you want to keep him/her make sure you have dealt with your rape issue. I know you may hate that it happen, but it's pass you now and it wasn't the baby's fault either. If you can get pass blaming and you carry a baby for 9 mos. honey I think it's worth giving it a go to keep him/her so that he/she will know their mom. People don't realize that when women carry children in their womb the children will want their mom and dad's too. Why do you think children that have been adopted usually go looking for their biological parents even though they aren't trying to hurt the parents that raised them. It's natural. It's love. Relax and realize and do what you need to do but never regret your choices. Be good to you and your unborn child and be happy.
2007-10-20 09:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by IWTK 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok I would never say this if you made the choice to have sex, but you yourself said that you can't support a baby. That is the most mature thing you could say to yourself. They have an aportion pill now, called RU486. It costs about $200. You take 2 pills, and the baby is gone. You have to take it before 8 weeks of being pregnant. You are 17 and have your whole life ahead of you. You can make tons of babies later on in life with the man you love. I am 22 years old, just finished college and am 4 months pregnant with the man I love. You deserve to have a great life. With a baby, how will you go to college to get a good job to support your baby. I wish you the best of luck. But don't forget, you admitted that you aren't ready for a baby.
2007-10-20 10:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by Karla 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm sooo sorry for what happened to you! God's watching over you. As much as you want to keep the baby, it would be more responsible to give it up for adoption. If you keep the baby, both you and him will be miserable. And there's only so much your parents can do for you. I hope you want your baby's life to be as wonderful as possible, and if you choose to raise him he won't get the same education he would if he was with a family who could fully support him. You're still young, and you need to enjoy your life. Not that you wouldn't without your son, but you both would have a better life apart. God will make sure he goes with with a wonderful family. Your time will come when you meet a wonderful guy and you have a family. God will be watching over you always. Good luck and i hope you make a good choice!
2007-10-20 09:37:08 · answer #9 · answered by Chelsea Pong 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
an extremely difficult position.
i am sincerely sorry to learn of a difficult and puzzling problem.
it sounds like your parents are not aware of your pregnancy. they need to know.
i note you sate you didn't notice you missed your period for three months. that adds to the problem, because generally women become very sick when they become pregnant. it called morning sickness and it is a system designed in the body to tell the mother she is pregnant and there needs to change her lifestyle. for example eat more friuts and vegetables and drink more milk. this is when the pregnant woman get urges that can't be supressed. she must satisfy that urge for certain kinds of food.
did you report the crime to the police?
do you know the person who raped you?
if you know the boy or man who raped you, you can sue that boy and his parents for child support support. they can also go to jail.
if you did not report it you should report it now. if you live in california, you could be compensated from the state victim's fund for your suffering.
at 17 it will be difficult to work and take care of a child. will you have parental support?
do you have folks in your family who might want to adopt the child?
your best solution is if you live at home with your parents.
when a person is raped and it is reported, you are taken to the hospital and they apply procedures to ensure the victim does not become pregnant.
if the same thing happens again, go to the hospital for needed care and report it to the police.
2007-10-20 09:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋