At what age should I let my daughter wax, perm her hair, wear high heels, pierce her ears, wear make-up, etc?

Question

My daughter thinks I am being unreasonable with her, as she thinks I am refusing to allow her do anything that shows she is growing up. On my side of the coin, I don’t want to give her free reign to do whatever she wants as I don’t want her to become an out of control tearaway.

I accept that at least part of the problem is that I simply have no idea what it is like to be a girl. I am from a family of boys. Girls only became ‘of interest’ when I was about 15. I am now single parent of a 10 year old.

She has given me a list of things she wants to do, and I have told her I’ll get back to her with an age for each request.

She wants:
- to wax/shave her legs
- to pluck/wax her eyebrows
- to perm her hair
- to dye her hair
- to wear high heels
- to pierce her ears
- to wear make-up
- to curl her eyelashes
- to get contact lenses
- to wear ‘belly tops'

What is a reasonable age to permit her do these things?

Answer 1

shes 10? ok wow. she sounds like shes headed in the wrong direction

she should definitly be allowed to shave her legs now, thats when I was starting to be allowed. shes heading towards puberty and is becoming more and more concerned with how she looks. you should let her get her eyebrows professionaly waxed only if she needs it.

i think she should be able to get contact lenses if she's worn glasses for at least 2 months, also talk to her eye-doctor.

allow her to wear make-up in middle school, same with eyelash curling. but dont let her wear more than 3 things when she first starts. mascara eyeliner and lip gloss is fine. let her wear concealer if she needs it, though.

she should also be able to get her ears pierced, no more than twice though.

as for dying, wait until at least 13. for perming, wait until 14 or 15. if she hates her curly/wavy hair, let her straighten it with a high-quality straightener. and if she decides to dye her hair at 13, dont let her go more than 3 shades beyond her natural color, otherwise it looks tacky.

it sounds like shes being influenced by someone. belly shirts at 10? please! does she have an older sister or an older cousin who does all of this? or someone she sees on TV?

maybe she needs some insight from someone older.

tell her that a 12-year old 7th grader said this :

if she wears belly tops, she will get introuble at school, and she will look ridiculous and people will talk bad things about her. and if she wears high heels for anything other than a special occasion, she will be made fun of, and she'll look ridiculous. im in middle school and NO ONE wears high heels except for special events, and the people that wear it on a normal day get made fun of. girl, you really dont want to do these things yet.

oh, one more thing. for high-heels on special occasions, until shes 13, no more than 2 inches.

good luck!

Answer 2

Ok this is a touchy subject i am a female and i did not get to start doing the whole plucking of the eyebrows thing until i was 11 or 12. But i do work at a middle school and the kids are very diffrent now then they were when i was there. They are dressing more like adults and shaving they are even getting sexual so you have to be careful. I do not see much of a problem letting her pluck her eyebrows as long as someone shows her how. Dont let her dye or perm her hair it ruins it; i dont think belly shirts and high heels are a good idea she is a little young. Piercing her ears is not bad at all most girls have that done by the time they are around 6. And she may be a little young for contacts and make-up but they are not too bad and shaving her legs i would not let her do that unless she needs to. I hope I was a little helpful.

Answer 3

ok... waxing and shaving her legs is really not a big deal my youngest daughter started shaving her legs at 8 because her older sister was doing it. Both my girls had there ears pierced by the time they were 5 as did I. The rest is more grown up stuff so I am limiting my children from doing that until they are atleast 15 or 16. The bellytop shirts are cute if worn the right way and for the right reason. I let my kids wear makeup in the house or on weekends but not to school. Unless its just mascara then I let it slide. I told my kids when they can pay for all the other stuff like hair dying and perms then they could do it and they like to spend money so they will never save enough to do it! But these are my guidelines... everyone has there own... but I hope I helped a little... and by the way, my girls are almost 14 and 11. Good luck!

Answer 4

I m 15 and my parents aren't strict at all,but most of the things that your daughter are unreasonable even for a girl my age.
I started waxing my legs at 12,and I don't think she really has a big problem with hair at that age.
As for the eyebrow shaping,she could have it now,but only by a professional
Perm her hair???No,no,no wait until she's at least 14
Dye her hair??? the same with the perm,because all these chemicals destroy the texture of the hair,and if she dyes her hair or perms she 'll need to get it done more than once.
As for the high heels I definitely say no.Her body is still growing and high heels will cause her back pains,etc.Also she would definitely look like a ****.Sorry!!!
I think she could pierce her ears ,but only one or two piercings
As for the make up I really say no,It's not her age to do so,I think that it'd look so not normal,not herself.If she insists on the make up,let her wear some lip gloss
Lash curling destroys the lashes and every girl,not only your daughter should avoid it.Some mascara could do the same thing.
Doctors don't allow contact lenses at that young age because the eyes aren't fully developed.I got mine at 14
Belly tops???So passe!And s****y.
I don't think I m being unreasonable.I think we should live the different phases of you life the way they should be and not to haste to grow before we are supposed to.But that's only me!The final decision is yours!Good luck and congrats for being a responsible parent

Answer 5

Where are her friends at? A lot of kids are growing up faster than they were before. If her legs are hairy and she wears shorts, then she will be teased. So if she has dark dark hair, then she should shave them. Same goes with the eyebrows, if she has bushy unibrows, then plucking them might be a good idea. Find out why she wants to do these things - are the kids making fun of her? or does she feel self concious? or does she want boys to like her?

My parents told me I couldn't get contacts until I was 13 because my eyes were still growing. I believed it.

If she wants to do the make up thing, take her for a makeover. Try somewhere like "Clinique" where they go for more 'natural things'. I started wearing makeup early, but it was because I enjoyed playing with it. The make up artist will make her look pretty, as the parent just tell the artist that you want her to look natural. Maybe suggest that she doesn't need foundation, just eyeshadow, lip gloss and mascara.

Hair dying doesn't have an age restriction, so if you're comfortable with it, let her dye her hair. She'll only come home with it dyed by her friend if you deny her now.

The heels and belly tops are where I draw the line. Most school forbid these. She doesn't need to show off her tummy. As her parent make sure she is covered up for school.

Answer 6

Okay well im a 15 year old girl! My mum is quite strict and trust me im an average girl not a geek and not a tart! Heres when i was/am going to be alowed to do this stuff:
- to wax/shave her legs 12
- to pluck/wax her eyebrows 12
- to perm her hair 16
- to dye her hair 16
- to wear high heels (stilleto 16 normal boots 13)
- to pierce her ears had mine done at 7 so 10 is fine!
- to wear make-up 11
- to curl her eyelashes 11
- to get contact lenses 16
- to wear ‘belly tops' god noes! probs 16 or 18 seeing as it will be my choice then :)

Hope ive helped!! xx

Answer 7

to wax/shave her legs: wax-15 shave-whenever she wants
to pluck/wax her eyebrows: 12/13 or whenever she becomes self consious of them
to perm her hair: 15
to dye her hair: 15
to wear high heels: I don't know why she wants to! Only for special events, and no other time than that ever. If you did allow her though, I'm sure she'd hate them.
to pierce her ears: Whenever she can take care of them herself
to wear make-up: Lip gloss- whenever, start her on that. Foundation, a little blush, at 12. Add on a little mascara at 13. Eyeliner, eyeshadow, and more heavy duty stuff when she enters high school.
to curl her eyelashes: 13/14
to get contact lenses: Whenever she can take care of them herself
to wear ‘belly tops': 15, and I doubt she'll even want to wear them at this age.

I'm a single mother to a 13 year old daughter and I would never allow her to do some of these things. You are not being unreasonable at all! She souldn't be allowed to do any of these things at her age. Although my daughter isn't much of a girly girl, she still has never wanted to do many of these things.

Good luck with speaking to her!

Answer 8

- to wax/shave her legs: When they start to get hairy and she starts to feel uncomfortable wearing shorts because of it. this usually happens at age 11.

- to pluck/wax her eyebrows: Again, if she's starting to get a unibrow, let the poor girl do something about it! I would say 10 or 11.

- to perm her hair: Perming can be extremely bad for your hair, I personally wouldn't let her do it at all. But if I had to pick an age, I would say 15.

- to dye her hair: My mom let me dye my hair when I was 12 and my dad had no problem with it. I think 12 is a good age.

- to wear high heels: As long as they're not slutty or 5 inch stilletos, 13.

- to pierce her ears: I got mine done when I was 5. I feel that's a little young. Girls should be about 7 or 8 when they get it done. Earrings are so much fun, don't deprive your daughter the fun of getting earrings=)

- to wear make-up: Well...my mom works for a makeup/skincare company, so I could wear makeup when I was in 3rd grade (9 and 10). I would say 12 is a good age. If she has acne, though, let her wear coverup and buy her some good acne medication.

- to curl her eyelashes: Same as makeup--age 12.

- to get contact lenses: Whenever she feels she's ready for them and you feel you're ready to pay for them. That can be any age, but if you want a specific I would say 12 or 13.

- to wear ‘belly tops': Belly tops don't really send a good message. Don't let her wear them PERIOD unless its at home or at the beach

Answer 9

In my opinion, there is a different age for each of these things.

I was allowed to shave my legs when I was in fifth grade. If she's interested in waxing, let her know that she's going to have to get it re-done and re-done, and that the results will look absolutely horrendous for a few days because your eyebrows get red and puffy afterwards. I don't think you should let her wax her eyebrows until she is at least 14 - that's old enough to make *most* of her own decisions.

If she wants a perm, I'd say sixteen. Those require a lot of care and you have to be really careful with water. Sixteen works for dyed hair, too, I'd say.

I was allowed my first pair of heels at fourteen, and also got my ears pierced at fourteen. Getting your ears pierced can be a very big deal because you have to sanitize your ears three times daily for the first six weeks, and you also have to rotate the earrings twice a day. You have to wear studs for the first six months CONSTANTLY. After one year, you can wear dangling earrings.

I wore makeup when I was thirteen. I'd never think about curling my eyelashes or wearing contact lenses. I myself wear glasses and can't imagine having to change contacts every night and morning. Gross!

And belly tops are an absolute no-no at ANY age!

Answer 10

DO NOT LET HER DYE HER HAIR!!! I made that mistake when I was in the fourth grade I am now 14 and have to spend all my extra money on hair dye it sucks! the high heels,belly tops probably should be a no for now. I wear heels to nice occasions and that's it. The make up, should be about 11. That's when I started wearing it. Contact lenses, the eyebrows, the perm, the eylashes, in my opinion are suitable at ten. She shouldn't have to start shaving her legs until she's 11, that's when the hormones start to kick in.

Answer 11

First of all, it really depends on the child? Do you think your daughter is mature enough to handle these things? Besides, YOU are the parent here. She is your daughter, and she has to listen to what you say. She may hate your rules, but it's for the best.
Wax/Shave legs- I really don't think she needs to do that at age 10. Maybe around 12 or 13, but when she does get around to shaving/waxing, I recommend waxing because it is a lot less harmful and the hair grows back way later.
Pluck/Wax Eyebrows- I really don't think she needs this. Occasionally my mom lets the beauty people clean up some stray hairs around my eyebrows, but that's about it. I would say 14 at the absolute youngest, but I really don't think that it's that big of a deal.
Perm Hair- Are you kidding me? Why does your daughter want to perm her hair? She can fix her hairstyle however she wants, and maybe look at some magazines? Just buy her some cute accessories that go in her hair, and that should be it. However, highlites are okay I guess, but not at 10. Maybe around 15/16
Dye Hair- That's just ridiculous. If I ever have a daughter she can dye her hair when she pays her own taxes or moves out. You should only dye your hair if it goes gray or something, and even then it's not that big of a deal. You're born with that color, stick with that color. Jeez.
Wear High Heels- Not casually, at least. If you're going to a fancy party, like a wedding, maybe those would be okay, but I've tried them and I have to say I hated them. Ballet flats are still 'in' I believe, and those would look perfectly fine. Whatever age you feel is right for her, but I defintely would only buy one pair and tell her they are only for formal dinners/parties.
Pierce her ears- My mom had mine pierced when I was around 5, I guess it's part of our culture. I don't see anything wrong with that, but multiple piercings just freak me out. As long as she doesn't wear any ridiculously long earings, then I think that would be fine. Studs and short ones are okay in my opinion though.
Wear Make-up- Maybe a bit of eyeliner when she's 13/14, or a tiny bit of powder to cover the occasional blemish at 14/15. As long as it looks like she's not wearing lipstick or really dark eyeliner or really red blush, I think it's fine. But remember, you are the parent and you make decisions. These are just my personal opinions.
Curl Eyelashes- Same as makeup, though it really hurts and she can pull our her eyelashes easily. I wouldn't let her do it, because it's really not necessary.
Contact lenses- Does she wear glasses? If so, then I would buy her some maybe at 13. If she just wants colored ones to change her eye color, then that's not necessary and I think she's fine the way she is.
Wear Belly tops- Are you kidding me? I think those are just plain trashy and slutty. The only way I would let my daughter wear those would be because I would be dead.