Question for Moms...Please.....?

Question

I am 15 and my stepmom and i are having a huge fault. I know that it is my fault, i just wanna know what to do to make it better with her.
My stepmom has been in my life since i was two. I dont remember life without her, she adopted me when i was four, i even call her Mama. I have a half sister that is hers and my dads, but she treats us no differently. She has always made it clear that she is both of us's mom. Somehow, she found out that my boyfriend and i have been thinking about going all the way. She confronted me about it, and wanted to know why i thought that i had to have sex with him. I asked how she knew, and she said that she knows everything that i do, b/c it is her job to know. I told her, and i regret saying this, and have NEVER spoken to her this way..'Its none of your f*c*king business! Your not even my real mom!' She looked at me and i knew that i hurt her. She then slapped me across the face, something that SHE has NEVER done, b/c she dont believe in it....

She couldnt beleive that she did it either, and we were both crying. She said that she was sorry, then she said that didnt change the fact that i was in the wrong. She said that if i EVER talk to her again like that, that she will wash my mouth out with soap and then ground me for the rest of my life. She said that she had to go think about some things, then she would come talk to me about it, b/c some of the choices i was making were not good choices. how in the world do i make this better?

I tried to tell her that i was sorry that i was bad, and she looked at me and said, 'honey, 'bad' is when a five year old acts up, you are not five anymore, you know how to act, what you did was immature and i need to think about it' then she went to her bedroom.

Answer 1

If I was to guess, you were hurt because she somehow invaded your privacy and your initial reaction was to lash out and do something that you know would hurt her as well. That was to say what you said to her, and it worked. She was hurt more than I'm sure you can understand at this point in your life.
I would sit down and talk to her about this. Yes, what you did was wrong, but it wasn't because you said something mean. It is because you said something that you KNEW would hurt her more than even a knife stabbing her. I'm sure it was subconsciously said, too late to take it back, but you have to understand where she is coming from. She may not be your biological mother, and you have pointed out that she has treated you no different than her other children, which is wonderful, but that actually makes her your real mother. She bathed you, changed your dirty sheets, hugged you and wiped away your tears, dealt with your temper tantrums, and a million other self-sacrificing things that you cannot fathom until you have your own children. Giving birth, for a woman, or being the original sperm donor, for a man, does not make them a parent. Loving, UNCONDITIONALLY, does. Doing all those tedious and difficult things that many "parents" don't even do for their children, your stepmom did. Tell her why you said what you said, how you know it hurt her, how you cannot believe you even thought what you did, and that you were WRONG. As your parent, she has every right to be concerned if you are sexually active. I'll save you the speech, but you should be able to go to her and talk about these things (having sex with bf) because until you are officially an adult, and even beyond that most of the times, she is responsible for showing you the right path and making sure you stay on it. She isn't trying to be difficult or ruin your life, she is trying to be there for you and make sure you know what you're doing. I hope I made sense. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think the important thing is to think about why you got so angry at her that you would speak like that. Do you feel spied on? Betrayed? Infringed upon? Those are all valid feelings, but you also need to understand why she does that.

You're at precarious place in life, when you are old enough to get pregnant but not old enough to care for a baby yourself. She is scared for you and wants to protect you from harm, possibly ruining your life forever. It's a desperate feeling.

What I think you should do is have a frank, calm discussion with her about sex and the choices you are faced with. Try to see her as an ally and not an enemy. She can help you, maybe help you get some birth control. She can be there to talk to if you feel emotional after your first time, or if you and your boyfriend break up.

The fact of the matter is, until you are 18 years old it IS her business. You are not an adult yet, and you don't have any inherent right to privacy. That's frustrating, but it is the plain and brutal truth. So don't fight her, use her to help you transition to adulthood.

When you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to hurt her, tell her what she said or did makes you feel angry. In touchy situations it's best to have things out in the open. It helps everyone, including you, understand everything better. This is the key to finding solutions.

Good luck dealing with this. I really hope you manage to work it out with her.

Answer 3

what's exactly your question? why your stepmom is acting this way? even though she's not your real mom she's raised you as her own and loved you since you were two.

at 15 that's too young to be even considering sex and i don't think you know the full consequences if you become pregnant.

it's hard for mom's to come to terms that their kids are growing up. having sex is a BIG step and it's not something to take lightly. why do you want to have sex now? your body is still changing (and i'm sure that guy your with's body is too) wait till your married or at least out of the house.

btw i'm 24, engaged and pregnant. having a kid is a big step. not something i planned to do right now but it's a big responsblity and i plan to be with my man. if you become pregnant you honestly think that guy is going to stick around?

at least get on the pill if you are going to have sex. PLEASE!

Answer 4

I'm a (wicked) step mother of two teenagers. We've had lots of arguments but I think they'd both say I was fair with them.

For me a genuine apology would go much further than a present - however, if you think that she won't accept this, try writing it down. A short letter that tells her that you care about her - and do appreciate that she looks after you and loves you and that you really regret saying something that you know hurt her feelings.

I'd also suggest a discussion about your boyfriend. I'm glad to hear that you're thinking about it before just going to bed with him.

Answer 5

Okay, at least you know what you did was wrong. Maybe you could buy her a little present to make her feel better? Otherwise, you might have to just wait it out. She'll come around eventually, so it might be best to just stay out of her way until she does. Good luck.

Edit: You might also be prepared for the grounding anyway...I presume one of the choices she refers to is about you and your boyfriend, so a good heart-to-heart at some stage is probably necessary.

Answer 6

go and explain to her that you felt like she was invading your privacy and thats why you reacted this way. say your soo sorry that you said that and didnt mean it. but you were really angry that she had looked at something very personal to you and you were hurt, just tell her how you feel, and how youre sorry, maybe buy her a necklace with mum on it or a locket with a foto of you and your sister in it, good luck!

Answer 7

first of all, let her know that you acted out of frustration because you felt like she snooped on you and that's how she found out about you and your boyfriend. then apologize again and know that eventually she will get over it, but don't expect it right away. and to be honest, i am 22, and lost my virginity when i was 16. i regret it to this day.

Answer 8

wow! thats atoughy but I think u should give her a present and say sorry and tell her you know you were wrong.

Answer 9

you should tell her you are sorry for what you said to her.