My wife hates everybody?

Question

I have been with my wife now for six years (three years married, three years bf/gf) and it seems it just keeps getting worse with her hatred of everybody. I know that her being a CSR doesn't help because she has to deal with the worst of everybody that calls but what can I do? I try to be as good to her as I can and try to tell her a lot there are great people out there in the world but she just constantly says she hates everybody and everybody sucks. What can I do to help her be more positive regarding people? Any help would be greatly appreciated. God bless you all.

Yes she likes me lol She likes pets too btw but since we live in an apartment, no pets allowed :(

Answer 1

How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)
When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some spouses like to blame. "You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home."

Other spouses prefer to criticize. "You’re so fat it makes me sick."

Getting even is also a favorite response. "Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat."

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. You start arguments and fights. Just because your parents reacted badly toward each other is no reason you need to continue the tradition.

Cause and Effect

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, "Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?"

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage others to assume the cause point as well. This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:

"If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.

"Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor’s gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!’ John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John’s car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.

"John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones’s gate with the car.’ John says, `Yes, I know. We’ve already repaired it." Mary says, `I’m sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.’ John says, `That’s all right. What about the bathroom curtains?’ Mary says, I want to dye them blue.’ John says, `That’s a good idea.’

"If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John’s and Mary’s attention, since it represents future action." — L. Ron Hubbard

Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility.

Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.

Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.

Have her try it.

Answer 2

Has she always been like this since you married her or is this something that just started. Listen you have a life to live as well as she does so don't let her stop you from enjoying life and having friends if she don't want to have friends than that's on her. There are a lot of nice people out in the world but she is not willing to socialize, Perhaps if you tried going to church and meeting people that would give her some encouragement. Ask god to help you get though this he never fails.

best of luck

Answer 3

The truth is you are the person that hears the true feelings your wife has for people. You might go into contact with people on a daily basis and some of those people might not really like you, but they act like they do. Maybe coworkers don't like eachother but they have to be professional. But when your wife is with you she confesses what she really feels.

Personally I really think the world is partially messed up. Your right there are good people, but very few. There are also naive people who dont see anything bad in anyone even when there is.

Maybe you two balance each other out, and one day before some one does something bad to you, your wife will warn you of a potential harm.

Answer 4

I am assuming you mean "Customer Service Representative", I would say that her attitude is around the fact that she doesn't like her job and it is filtering into her life.

If I was in your shoes, I would encourage her to seek a different job that gives her satisfaction. There are other jobs out there that she could HELP people who are seeking assistance. (for instance, human services or non-profit organizations)

Another way you may be able to help her, have the two of you get involved in community activities, such as community theatre, church, volunteering, etc. This way she could have things to do and be around positive people.

My best friend was working at a gas station for years and it got to the point where she hated everyone. When she found a more fulfilling job, her health got better along with her attitude. Your job can influence the rest of your personal life. Sometimes people feel that their life is their job. Your life is what you make of it.

Answer 5

Curtis fact is that this is a lesson of life that she is going to have to learn on her own. Besides if you attempt to push her too much she may just pull the other way and become even more unfriendly. It must make it hard on having friends and a social live with someone with such an unpleasant outlook on manhood. I do hope that your wife will eventually have something happen in her live to turn around her feelings on others or she may end up being a very lonely old lady without companions. Best of luck.

Answer 6

You should get this book : The Power of a SIngle Thought. It is logical and not so religious but straight to the Universal Truth. It really helped me on a subconscious level and I am sure it will help u and ur wife out as well. The best thing you can do is change yourself first then she will start to brighten up. After all, it may be negative spiritual influences bothering her. So a greatful heart is your best weapon!

Answer 7

Maybe encourage her to volunteer somewhere..you'd be surprised how better that makes you feel. You realize how good you have it.
You or someone else in the family may want to also ask her to get her hormone levels tested or something. She may have a fibroid or other female problem irritating her like crazy. She may be defensive with you, so I'd ask her mom, sister, aunt, or friend.

Answer 8

watch The Secret. It gives you a new perspective on life and it's meaning. she just needs to learn everyone is their own person and has their own thoughts. have her people watch for a minute and picture herself as that person in their daily life and see how it might be. maybe she needs a new job that doesn't bring her down. she should find a way to release her negativity before coming home maybe. a scenic drive, yoga, art lessons?

Answer 9

She is not able to separate her work from her life. Having worked retail for 25 years I started dreading and hating Chritmas, it became a chore. The thing that saved me was counceling and eventually quitting my job. I feel her pain, but it's up to her to see her problem and fix it.

Answer 10

Sounds like she has other issues she may need to talk about. Maybe she has a fear of other people for some reason you don't know about. Or maybe a low self-esteem. She is going to have to want to get help for herself and any issues she might have.