Ok, Its like this. We recently got married, and My wife is now prego. we live with her also. My mother inlaw (and family memebers) constently make remarks, and offend me right in front of her. Whats worse is they are good at menipulating her to get her to do what they want. I get no help from her mom even when it would be easy to do so, I have helped her mom so much. I pay her $$$ for her house. I mean I get it I am stealing the baby (shes 18 and I am 29) I am not here to just take her away, but do want to spend my time when I am not working with her, not alone. She wont stand up to her mom,and when she does she makes her feel like crap. It would be easy to get an apartment and leave, but I dont want to leave her behind, or my unborn child. (it kills me..) I am afrade everyday that where heading for a devorce. Most of the time there is so much tension, that it's unbearable. There has got to be a better way, we need to take control of our own lives. any advice?
2007-10-20 07:16:14 · 20 answers · asked by Robert W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for all your advice. Yeah I have tried to treat her harshly, I try not to yell out of frustration, but It's all I really feel by what goes on when I am working, or what was said why I whent to smoke. Silly crap, and yes I did answer my question to a point, and yes I do have experince in this, and I don't like what I see. I don't want to be the idiot that walks out. Maybie if I print this off, and show her, I would hope it would make an impact. All i know is her mom is really good at throwing the "I'll throw him out card" Her dad who was staying her used to tell me things, but I don't trust it. I jsut trust with what I've seen. Broke, or not also I want to raise this baby too, they way we would like to. Not everyone elses way. I really thank you for all your advice. I think my wife needs to see the opinions of others looking in. Because I am the b/f. I don't count nearly as well.
2007-10-20 07:35:22 · update #1
Also I wantted to add. I did get us an apartment at one time. But it was like her mom made us feel like crap about it, and her mom was afrade she couldnt aford her home. I have tried to do the resposible stuff, and it blew up in my face. Just leaving seems easy, but it's not. I do respect her mom, and I do have love her mom also, Her mom doesnt even know we got married I think. I dont say anything because I dont feel it's right for me to do so. Out of respect of course.
2007-10-20 07:40:02 · update #2
I have tried to talk it out with her, and stuuf, and her mom too. Might be right about the age thing. but she acts older, and well, I must admit she was love at first site. Her mom introduced us even. but now it's the thing where we argue over what I see, sometimes it's the other way around. I don't know i hope as a last ditch effert if she could see what others said, it might make an impact. Till then it's the thing of being upset, feeling gulty. I can't go on feeling this way, I dont want to hurt her I love her so much ya know? I've tried to even just ignore it. Yeah, then comes the question of "what's wrong?" Right after her mom gets done talking about how a guy she knew got arested for dating an 18 year old... Yea something I wanted to here. It's like that alot, and It just goes over her head. Rock and a hard place, yay!
2007-10-20 08:06:04 · update #3
you need to get your own place. your wife needs to choose to keep you both in that situation or spend the rest of her life with you. Once you guys are on your own thigs will be different.
2007-10-20 07:24:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sarahz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is 18 and you two are married and expecting, you two need to get a place of your own. The only reason you should even be living with her mom is maybe money issues, and even then it should be the last resort. and from the sounds of it, money is not an issue. You need to tell your wife that with the baby coming-you two should have YOUR OWN home. Time to grow up. And talk to your wife. Tell her how you feel. Be very straightforward and explain that you dont want her to "choose" sides, but that you are her husband now and that she should stick up for you. If she doesn't, stick up for yourself. Your mom in law is walking all over both of you because you LET her. Stand up, be a man.....you dont have to be mean about it. Just tell her when she says something rude or whatnot that "It was completely uncalled for and very disrespectful" or something like that. Stop letting her talk down to you or belittle you.
2007-10-20 07:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the problem with marrying an 18 year old -- she's young, she's immature, and she's still dependent on her parents (at least emotionally).
You don't want to make her choose between you and them, but your relationship doesn't have a chance if she can't stand up to them and say, "he is my husband, and you will not disrespect him"
She should maintain a relationship with her parents, but you and the baby should now be her primary family. Others need to stay out of your issues. When you let others into your relationship, it is just setting you up for failure.
Sit her down and talk to her. If nothing else, try counseling. She may take the advice of a non-biased 3rd party easier, and I guarantee a counselor will tell her it's time to break out from under her parents wing.
Good luck!
2007-10-20 07:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jill C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
either your wife has to realize this and knock it off and let you two live your lives and be happy, or you are going to be going through this the rest of your lives. you have to talk to your wife. tell her how you feel and let her talk aswell. and if mother in law lives with you- not sure how that works, then you two need to get out. maybe if she lives really close you could move farther away. im not saying accross country or anything but at least the next town over or the other side of it. she sounds like an unbearable *****, but you love your wife and you cant just jump ship on the baby and her because of her mother. it can be worked out, but it will take alot of talking and some action too. good luck.
2007-10-20 07:24:15 · answer #4 · answered by kelly n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the problem... she's 18 and her mom still thinks of her as 'her baby'.
You need to sit your wife down and ration with her on the issue that getting married meant you two wanted to start a family and have a life TOGETHER - not with her mother.
Easier said than done, but good luck. Whatever you do... don't leave, that's definitely not the right path to take
2007-10-20 07:21:04 · answer #5 · answered by Delish 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Robert talk with your wife and let her know what your feeling and thinking. Perhaps she would like to get your own space also. And you should talk with your mother in law also and let her know that you do not appreciate how she treats you. Let her know that you are trying to get along with her as best as you can, and would appreciate if she treated you with respect also. Put all your cards on the table and have a good discussion. A mature open minded conversation and not a screaming match. Best of luck.
2007-10-20 07:22:17 · answer #6 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is your wife, you need to provide for her. The place to start is the living situation. You are suppossed to be a mature and responsible man.
Living with your in laws was the biggest mistake, but not the first one. Your first mistake was getting in a relationship with a girl 11 years younger than yourself. Her parents will not tell you possibly, but they have no respect for you. You didn't only take the baby from the family, but you robbed the cradle.
You need to figure out what it is like to be responsible and get your butt in gear. First get out of that house. She is your wife, and if she really wants to be with you she will come with you.
2007-10-20 07:24:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats going to be hard. The age difference itself is not really a problem. But she is 18, and probably really close to her mother. I think 18 is a hard age for marriage, and you being 11 years older gives you slightly more experiance...which can be frustrating. Be patient, ever watch monster in law? maybe you shouldLOL. Just stand strong, and remeber the reason you married her, it will work out.
2007-10-20 07:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by Ammie J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife need to find a nice little apartment and move into your own place. Your wife is too young to have developed a grown up relationship with her mother - she's still reacting like mama's little girl. You do, indeed, need to have your own place, your own lives and the sooner the better. You have a little person on the way and he/she needs and deserves to have a happy and calm mommy and daddy and a grandmother who lives across town.
2007-10-20 07:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know the problem. She is 18 and may have the maturation of a 16 year old. If she were 24or 25 , you would not have this problem. You have to wait for your two babies to grow up.
2007-10-20 07:29:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your wife and get out of that house. You are 29 years old and should be able to afford to rent an apartment for you, your wife and child.
2007-10-20 07:28:29 · answer #11 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋