Torn between my Husband and my son. PLEASE HELP! all advice welcome!?

Question

So my 6 year old is a bit on the "difficult" side. But he's just a kid. My Husband is super hard on him and constantly argues with him and acts like a 6 year old himself. I feel like I cant be a good mom and a good wife bc Im constantly stuck in the middle of their fights. I beg my hubby to work on it but he wont. What should I do??/

Answer 1

Your son should be your number one priority period. Nothing should be more important than your child's safety and well being. It sound to me like your husband may go a little overboard with his behavior which can actually be the cause of or worsen the behavior problems your son has. A man should not be arguing with a six year old and a parent should never be super hard on a six year old. They after all are only children and they are bound to make mistakes. since your husband obviously refuses to stop his behavior, I think you need to get your child away from your husband because I don't think he is capable of being a good parent to his son, especially if he resorts to violence. If your husband does resort to any kind of violence that is beyond just spanking you, as well as your husband, risk losing custody and contact with your son. You need to protect your child no matter how difficult he is. When he is making you choose between him and your son he is not being a good husband to you nor a good father to his son. If it was me and my husband was being that way with my son, I would leave him and file for divorce stating safety issues regarding your son as the reason for the divorce filing.

Answer 2

Angela the good news is that your son will someday grow up to be a man. Sorry can't say the same about your husband. If he cannot remember or appreciate that the kid is only 6 years old that is sad. I somehow doubt that family counselling would help with someone that young. Maybe your husband could look into taking some kind of anger management and/or parenting classes. Best of luck and hope that the years pass quickly for you and you little boy grows into a man that you are proud of, one without his father's temper or temperament. But till then things will probably only get worse for you as the teenage years are only going to bring on more grieve if your husband doesn't alter his reaction and behaviour. Best of luck again.

Answer 3

Kids are BORN manipulators honey even at the tender age of 6. It's not their fault - it's a survival technique that's ingrained in us. Even babies realize that when they cry, they get what they want. You can't let your child run your life or your marriage. He probably knows right now that he can divide the 2 of you easily and that's not good. While your husband may be too strict, it sounds like he's balancing out your need to please your child instead of setting out rules and boundaries. Kids NEED rules. When you say one thing and then don't back it up, they see that they can get away with anything they want. Your husband is trying to save your child from becoming a spoiled brat. The 2 of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about how you want to raise your child from chores, homework, schedules, discipline, etc. Agreeing and being on the same page will help alot. Your husband needs to feel you have his back honey! He was there long before this child and women tend to just put their husband's feelings and needs on the back burner then wonder why they get resentful. An important thing in raising children is putting up a united front....even if you disagree in private. When I was growing up, I KNEW I couldn't turn 1 parent against the other. I knew I couldn't divide them and I respected them for that. My mom always had my dad's back and vice versa. There's no way my mom was going to let us get away with something my dad would disapprove of. Remember that while you're raising this 6 year old, he's closely watching how you interact w/ his dad as a model of how good r'ships work. It's not all about the words coming out of your mouth but the interactions you have too.

Answer 4

You have to remember that men have different relationships with children than women do. You also have to be aware that some parents don't agree on what is and isn't proper discipline. If you believe that you are being hard enough and not to soft then I suggest that you sit down with your husband and tell him that his hard approach is too hard and is not just abrassive but also abusive. If he can't figure out a happy medium, that he should attend a parenting class with you so that you both get a better grip on what is going on and what is proper.
If he isn't willing to attend a parenting class, then you need to figure something else out.
If, when talking to your husband, you tell him he is acting like a 6 year old, you are provoking problems. Remember that he is an adult, and making an accusation like that is a major insult. Also, you need to ask yourself if he is a control freak. You know the answer to this question already. If he is, you have bigger problems on your hands and you need to get help for all 3 of you before things explode into abuse.

Answer 5

Whatever that adviserchick said...but when you talk to your husband about this, tell him to be the kid's father and act as if he knows what is good for the kid and be assertive about his decisions rather than trying to argue with him like another 6 year old.

If his father is being hard on him you may console him but not yield to his wishes. Also talk to your husband well and thoroughly about how and what rules and regulations has to be put as you bring him up. Not argue in front of him.

Answer 6

Never ever fight with your husband in front of your children by reprimanding him on his parenting skills. Stand back, let him be who he needs to be and if you think he is wrong tell him in private.

You will undermine your own parenting if you do not because your child will learn the "divide and conquer" real quick.

You and your husband are a team remember this. Your job as parents are to be one mind and set limits your child's job is to push the envelope and the limits.

I always hear this from parents "he is only a kid" well unless you correct bad behavior now you will never have an adult.

Answer 7

Choose your husband and support him.
It is the classic play mommy against daddy game. My mom just told me no, but my dad will say yes and then everyone is fighting and in the long run the child have his way just to make peace in the house.
So stick to your husband. By the way, one day your kid will leave home and not need you anymore because he will have someone to take care of him, but you took vows to be with your husband for the rest of your life.
Oh, by the way, never beg a man for anything. That's a sign of weakness. Support him and talk to him.

Answer 8

could you get your husband to be in a parenting class with you? or read a book on it? Or get your husband to go to pediatrician visit about it with you? Has this problem always existed? Im wondering if it has to do with school. Does your son eat well and get enough sleep? Just be sure you have your arguements about your son in private.

Answer 9

start watching nanny 911 or something. your husband has to realize he's the adult. Tell him to put himself in your son's position and see things from his eyes. maybe he'll think of some new ways to discipline him. don't be the over protective mommy though. your child needs to learn his lessons, but in the right way.