I am very much in love with my husband . I know he still loves me . But we are separated at the moment. He left because we have a ton of problem and is not sue he wants to deal with them any more.I am fixing as many as I can . But he just says hes tired of it all and its over. I didn't relieze how much I would miss him and basically told him to leave if he wanted to . But now that hes gone I feel like I am dying inside. he is unwilling to talk me . About anything other than the kids. but when I confronted him He told me he stikll loves me . Just that he tied of everything. Any one have any ideas on how to get him to see how much he is giving up to have total freedom and no responsibilitys
2007-10-20 06:20:35 · 10 answers · asked by looking for ideas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are no magic words to make someone mature. Being an adult is DEALING with problems and solving them, not running away from them. So, here you are, frantically trying to "fix as many as I can . . ." What is HE trying to fix? Do you seriously believe that all of this is only YOUR fault, and that if you "fix" it, it will be all better and he will come back to you because everything will then be easier for him?
Please consider marital counseling for both of you. Even if he refuses to go, you should still go, because it will help you understand the dynamics of your relationship with your husband. Being "tired of it" is no excuse. Every relationship has it's moments when the participants are sick and tired of it -- but grown-ups figure out a way to get through it, and get to the other side, especially if they have kids.
2007-10-20 06:30:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All people, "DO" exactly what they want to "DO" if they can.
If he has a choice to come back to you, or not - or to be free - and he still remains free - then he is doing what he wants to do.
Don't look at what he is telling you - look at his actions. His actions speak louder than words. And by his actions, he is doing exactly what he is wanting to do.
No one can make him realize anything. He has to have the desire to want to come to these realizations.
When a person truly loves another person with a true love .. that love will not ever stop, it will never go away .. and that love will not let that person rest until they are united with their true love.
It's true that a person can get sick & tired of things, and still love the other person. However, when real love exists - the love will cause the person to try and work out the problems over & over .. for as long as it takes.
When love dwindles away - the person can very easily walk away. However, old habits are hard to get away from .. such as not telling someone that they don't love them any more - when they have always told this person that they love them.
There is a saying to free something - and if it comes back to you- it is truly yours.
Maybe you could give him time & space. Maybe he eventually would have the same realization that happened to you .. which you said you realized you miss him.
Give him the opportunity to see what happens. "TIME" .. can be the answer. Back off for awhile .. give him time for realization .. and space. Hopefully, he will come back to what he says he loves .. which is you.
2007-10-20 13:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what you guys are going through, but my parents separated for a really long time. Like it was a year before they got back together. There was loud fighting all the time and shouting and I thought they were going to get a divorce for sure. When I talk to my dad about what happened, he told me the only thing that could describe how he got back together with his wife was that it had to be God. He prayed a lot and trusted in him to figure things out for him. I don't know where you stand on the whole God thing, but there are just somethings in life that no matter how hard we try to fix or make happen, it's not going to work unless God puts his hand in there.
Some advice I can give you right now is to let him have his space. Men sometimes need to get away from the issue in order to be able to think about it in the right mind. He's thinking about you trust me, but it sounds like he's just searching out his heart.
2007-10-20 13:30:01 · answer #3 · answered by J-Po 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had relationship troubles and communications broke down. He says he is tired of it all , then he is telling you that unless changes , drastic changes are made, that he is gone. The ownice isn`t all on you, it takes 2 .
Ask if he`ll consider marriage counseling, for the sake of the kids. If you want to try and get back with him, tell him how much the kids miss him, and that when you married him that you had a vision of kids, a dog,a house with a white picket fence around it, and a husband to share it all with.
You need to try and play on his emotions without being too obvious.
.....Just a suggestion....
2007-10-20 13:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may have to give him some time and try to get him to agree to counseling with you so that you can work out the problems in the marriage. If he won't agree, go yourself and he may decide to try that then when he sees that you are and go with you or go by himself. He may even have something that is bothering him about you that he is unwilling to talk to you about at the moment and counseling could help that. It sounds like you have some issues that you may be able to work through with a little help so I hope that you can both get that help and get back together.
2007-10-20 13:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a saying that you dont know what you have got till you lose it.It always happens and itgood if you are truthful to your self.I think you can build your relationship back again if you want to but you need to give him time and let him understand things from you view and respect his views.
2007-10-20 14:09:07 · answer #6 · answered by rev richard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His problem is that he doesn't WANT the responsiblities and he doesn't WANT to give up his total freedom. Obviously he was too young and immature for marriage and family when he got into them. Too bad neither one of you were mature enough to recognize this before you got married.
2007-10-20 13:30:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you both really love eachother things will work themselves out. If you love him and he dosen't love you then, he won't come back, and you will contiune to be depressed... there has to come a time where you relize he dosen't love you.. then move on... it could talke 6 months or more... before you relize it... hopefully by tehn you two get back together.
2007-10-20 13:26:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like time for some serious self-reflection to me.
2007-10-20 13:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by Randy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back it was never ment to be. True saying.
2007-10-20 13:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by sweet 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋