as a child i was physically beaten up by my mother and sexually abused by an uncle.?

Question

my mother beat me up mercilessly resulting in stictches and broken bones for 12 yrs meanwhile i was sexually being abused by an uncle and was told to keep quiet and this continued for 3 yrs.iwas sent to a boarding school and that was the happiest time of my life. i alway's felt little in the eyes of the people a useless being..and therefore i got into relationship that were always' doomed people always left me.i felt worthless and now i refuse to even look in the mirror anymore and don't feel like a woman anymore just a machine.i hate myself and hate all those around me who have a better life than me.why can't i have what all have? why do people leave me? therefore now i have made my self more stronger and have devised a plan to stay alone and not to expect love or compassion from any1.why do i hate everyone so much?

Answer 1

I wasn't beaten or physically abused... My mother plummeted us with verbal and emotional abuse. For many years I felt I had no 'value'.... One day--- luckily I realized it was not too late in my life to change and get away from the miserable feelings...

You are NOT responsible for your past... You ARE responsible for the present and the future.... I hope you will take the time and watch this short clip.... If there is anything I can do, email me at [e-mail]

Good luck and God Bless... as you DO have value... only you can realize that and make the difference in your life... http://thesecret.tv/secret-to-you/

Answer 2

My situation is very similar. You're gonna have to love and accept yourself. I know how hard it is. You're probably like me and have spent your life trying to get yourself into a perfect family type atmosphere. Because your background you're desperate for a source of normality and you'll jump into a relationship to quick trying to find it. Try to make yourself happy first and then try letting someone else make you happy. You can't try to mold every person you have a relationship with into the person you've dreamed about. That person is out there but you may never find them if you don't try to make yourself happy. I know how hard it is. I found peace through my work. You'll find it somewhere. Find somewhere that you fit in. Helping others is also a good way to make you feel better. If you're like me you probably already help others too much and get taken advantage of very easily. That's something else you have to take control of. People who were abused often have a hard time saying no. You can go one of two ways because of your upbringing. Don't let it haunt you the rest of your life. You are a beautiful person and you are worth a whole lot. You are the best friend you'll ever have. You'll never forget what happened to you but at some point you have to realize that it happened and you can't change it. The hate will always be there and you'll have bad times because of it but don't let it rule your life. Don't let them win.

Answer 3

why on earth would you NOT hate what you've never been able to have for yourself.

I will say this, aside from understanding what you are saying, you are to be commended for surviving and not being locked up either in jail or in a mental institution somewhere. It's not everybody who can take the pain and strain of having a background like this.

Nobody can change it, nobody can make it better for you, but getting all the junk out of your guts by talking about it to a qualified therapist sure can relieve your heaviness. The more you vest yourself of the feelings, the anger, the hatreds, the more will keep bubbling up and one day it really does empty out and you aren't so tortured by it all.
Think about finding somebody to let it all out to. It sure saved me at a time in my life when I was starting to close off too.

Answer 4

You havent overcomewhat happened to you has a child. You just dealt with it somehow that really wasnt healthy. You let it affect you and consume you. You have to realise you are not defenseless anymore, you are a grown woman now, you can open your mouth and say something and you can fight back. Getting close to people is hard for many, i know its hard for me but you have to sit yourself down and just force yourself to see the good in you and appreciate what you have now. You cant change the past but you are incontrol of your future. Be the better person and just push yourself up and believe in yourself. Never be jealous of what others have cause if you were meant to have it, you would. You can email me if you want and we can talk about this further, i would love to help you and be there for you

Answer 5

This is a very tragic story, to say the least.
I would guess you have many walls to trust any one, and why
not you have been abused by those that should have been
protecting you. I doubt there is any thing I could say to that would help you, But you must learn to LOVE your self, before you can love or trust others. I do hope you find some professional help, if your still in school, talk to a female teacher about this, she will know how to find you the help you
need, I shall keep you in my prayers. (((HUGS)))

Answer 6

im so sorry this happened to u and thats why u have so much hate for everyone. You should try not to hate everyone because u will have no one to turn to and talk to and u will feel alone. Everyone at one time in their lives feel like they can't keep someone. But one day when u least expect it u will find someone u will fall in love with and they will love u back.
good luck keep ur head up!

Answer 7

manifold and unknown
cause or effect
past that leads to a day
from other days and nights
but comes a day
whence still alive
spirit will yearn to just know and be free
whence comes the day
spirit just knows only change can bring the free
for new days suns still rise and shine
as if a past was never more
thus let that past be never more
not in the mirror on the wall
but moreso on the image deep inside
one must gaze and pause and ponder
all of the past can no longer be pointed at except by words and memory
yet memory can be owned and formatted with intent
so declare not to that mirror on the wall but to the greater Image within
no longer to be what was
but to be what is becoming
for becoming is the greater Law of Is that Is
and therein is freedom of the greater self than the one that parents gave to live in
one must flush a past away as if a death took it all away
and the greater within once again approach
mirror mirror on the wall: tell me not for hence forth I tell thee
I am what I am becoming
from this day forth my past is gone
for such is what I no longer choose to be
I shall be my tomorrows for I declare my freedom to be me
I myself shall pick and choose
not the colors in the mirror
but the I that sees the colors in my eye
is the greater I and the one that must live on into the tomorrows
cast that past into the candles flame
let all that heat just dissipate
an act of will
to willfully take the life
and own it as thine own
no longer the child
a new born adult
not only leaving the former home
but escaping past the gates and moving on down the street
to let a new horizon rise up and form a new living day
that was always there
now no longer encumbered
telling the mirrors not just being shown
freedom is sweet
it always was there
just only a thought away
what once was is ended and cast away
my net shall fish in greater seas
no longer shall I seek from out beyond me
I shall give to me and become the Love
and I shall radiate and spread it for me
around my neck shall no longer be noose for I have transmuted the irritants into pearls
and my neck where my head meets my body now sports the strand of pearls of wisdom
and all that comes to my body must find approval from my new head of wisdom
ahhh aye yes indeed
freedom from past is always only
a day to be
forevermore this I declare
freedom to be
and day by day every morn sweet morn
that mirror shall be bound by reality
to reflect back what I, the ruler of me
declare today that which I be
and with my new kingdom shall spread
new self formed love
in benevolence
to all that's around
in my new Kingdom
Now in this Present
and forever more
so say I
so it is
Mind Creates Worlds
Feed Your Mind
Free Your World
Enjoy Your Day
Peace Your Nights
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and always always always stop and smell the roses come what may, for stopping to smell the roses shall bring the inner smiles to you that people shall perceive as your love and love you back from inner being to inner being
and the outer mirrors shall have to change to reflect the new realities surrounding

Answer 8

its not only you who undergone like this... u need a counciling. forget the past and take it as a lesson so ur future children will not experience like this.. im sorry about what happened to you. everyone have a soulmate i know u can find someone who will love and care for you.... dont lose hope and pray to GOD

Answer 9

because u were abused as a child