Having problems with the husband?

Question

im leaving for switzerland in 3 days, to separate from my husband for a bit. Im thinking of asking him to move out for a bit to give us a break from one another.
what do you guys think i should do?
serious comments please theres been a lot going on in my life.

theres alot going on in my life meaning:
a) i had a miscarriage
b) my brother is really sick
c) dealing with my ex bf and our daughter
d)constantly arguing with my husband after the miscarriage, because we're upset. It also doesnt help that he keeps saying that i run from everything...its called im upset.
as well as he just doesnt care about anything any more, me ,my daughter though she isnt his, he used to treat her like his own.. and now hes acting like its my fault that i can't give him any kids.

FYI eric l
my ex ABANDONED me and my daughter because HE wanst ready to be a dad, not because of me.

Answer 1

R u not running from everything? Dont get me wrong, I sympathize with you and I hope your situation gets better. However, you have to face the music. Communicate. if he loves u and u love him, why run away from him? do your best to work this out, together. this is a testing time for you and him. make the right choice, whatever that mighth be.

Answer 2

I don't mean to sounds cruel.. but he's right. You sound like you run away from your problems, rather than dealing with them. You're doing it now, and it's certainly not going to make your situation any better. Chances are, when you decide you're "ready" to be back around your husband, things will be a lot worse.

You have got to realize that just because things get tough, and we go through some rough patches in life.. that doesn't mean you just pack up and move away from your husband, out of frustration. If you care about your marriage at all, you will drop the nonsense.. and stay home and work on your marriage.

Of course you're having a hard time dealing with the miscarriage. I would worry if you didn't have a hard time dealing with it. But remember, just because you lose a child, doesn't mean you aren't able to have children (unless your doctor says so, after some extensive testing, and even then they can be wrong). So, losing a baby, doesn't mean you "can't give him kids". You need to heal from this, as a couple.. not apart.

I understand that you have a lot going on right now, not only with your marriage, but with other things as well.. but you need to stay with your husband, and work on your marriage. Running away isn't going to fix anything.

Answer 3

You need to talk to a marriage counselor to try to understand each other. the three days that you are in Switzerland will give you both some room but when you get back got to a counselor. He probably doesn't understand what you feel from having the miscarriage, for example, and you may not understand what he is feeling because of that. By talking through these things together you can become stronger hopefully and support each other more and have a good marriage.

Answer 4

You have no right to tell him what to do. You decided to flake out of the marriage and punish him. You had a miscarriage. This might sound cruel but you should see a psychologist your self because the problems in this marriage come from you and not him. You are going to come back from Switzerland and nothing will change. This is also going to happen to all your future relationships as it did to your previous.
Judging by how your first child was out of wedlock you have no respect for the institution of marriage. Why any one would marry a woman like you is beyond my understanding. However, I can tell you are selfish. Your troubles will change when you stop being so anal that you refuse to get help.

Answer 5

Honey a trip alone isn't what you need unless you thinking about leaving! You both need to discuss your issues like adults and resolve them. If you can't do it between the both of you then you need talk to someone. He's angry because he can't have a child by you--o.k. men and women go through that when they love someone. But he needs to think about the love he's suppose to have for you. All of the going on in your life is because you have it going on and it will take you to get it out. Any time you put 'things' in your marriage and they take over the marriage you'll going to have problems. Small problems will always become big ones if you don't communicate effectively. If you can't get him to discuss or you don't want to discuss you all issues then both of you need to take a look at the love you don't have for each other. Be good to you and be happy.

Answer 6

i know at this time you probaly think its time for devorce but answer these questtions you and your patner need to ask yourself because leaving him could be mistake At this point in your life u need god

Relationships Calling It Quits

Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until 1) you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible, and 2) you have no unfinished emotional business.


Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.

You need to ask yourself:


What was your marriage like when it worked?

When did it go wrong? Why?

Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage over?

What do you want?

What is it costing you to be in your relationship?

Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?

What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?

Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test:


"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."


Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.



Ask yourself:

Are you still in love with your spouse?
Are you hurt?
Are you scared?
Are you angry?
Are you confused?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.

Answer 7

You need to sit down and seriously think about what it would be like without him there anymore. Alot of people think about these things without figuring in the fact that their mindset is going to be different after it occurs. Once you've thought about it, weigh the odds. You're unfortunately going to get hurt either way. It's a tough situation. I wish we were in a world where relationships always work out but we aren't. I'm sorry you're having to make this decision. Hopefully you'll both be able to work things out.

Best of Luck

Answer 8

seriously seperating can only make things worse -1 st of all you two need to deal with the daugther as parents and not seperately,2nd if you move out it is the same as saying u are giving up on the marriage ,3rd -seek couciling ,4th think about what brought you too together to begin with ,and last a miscarriage happens you can always try again -but if this isnt possible atleast sit down and write down what you love about each other and what makes you argue and switch papers and try to work on the things one each others papers

Answer 9

No one - including me - can tell you what to do. Communication is key. Talk to your husband. Sit down, in a none threatening manner, and openly discuss how you feel. Listen, listen, listen - don't wait to talk. You do not indicate the nature of your problems however if violence is involved, your life or health are in jeopardy seriously ask yourslef this question: What advice would I give my child? Then follow your heart.

Answer 10

Obviously, you haven't given us enough to go on, but I will say this: It is rare, if at all possible, that trial separations work. Make up your mind, one way or another and go with it.

I know it may sound strange but a wise man once told me: "It is important that you get on a train. Doesn't matter which one as much as it matters that you get off the platform."