My partner and I have been deeply committed for 6 years. Due to painful emotional issues, we eventually decided that we would not marry but have tried in every way to live as though we were. My partner recently took a new job that only provides health insurance to full spouses. I work serveral part-time jobs and thus don't qualify for health insurance on my own. So we went to city hall and got married(meaning we had a judge sign our marriage licence-there was no ceremony or emotional involvment). Since it means nothing to us, we're keeping it secret so that other's won't try to make it mean something. We thought that only the book-keeper at my partner's work needed to know but now we find out his boss does too. His boss is kind of a clueless guy whose also loud and chatty. So we fear that he will make a big deal out of our "wedding" and/or spread it around the office. How do we approach the guy to get him to respect our feelings? Or should I just give up the insurance?
2007-10-20 03:48:49 · 11 answers · asked by KazaKu 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are truely committed to each other emotionally. We felt like we were married BEFORE we were legally married. We've lived together for SIX years and we LOVE each other. However, I really wanted a big wedding and my partner refused to give me that. So refuse to accept a cheap travesty of what I wanted. If some one wanted to congradualte me they should have done it for the six years of comittment which is what matters to me emotionally. Since they didn't they have no right to do it for this empty legal situation. Why does society try to ram its values down my throat. I HATE it. I HATE it. Why doesn't anyone understand me??????
2007-10-20 04:37:21 · update #1
And yes, I am female and he is male.
2007-10-20 04:38:31 · update #2
I am not practicing fraud!!! We live like we are married. If I already have the lifestyle that the piece of papre endorses, why is it immoral for me to get the benifits of having the piece of paper? And also I don't think marriage is "no good" I think marriage is lovely and beutiful and I would have loved to get married in a beautiful public wedding. But my partner didn't want to do this. He's commied to me and he has no problem pledging to stay with me, he just didn't want to make a show of it. All I want is to not have settle for a cheap copy of what I wanted.
2007-10-20 06:10:07 · update #3
Before answering please actually READ my explanation of the situation and don't write answers that blatantly ignore details I"ve already included.
2007-10-20 06:12:12 · update #4
So they will find out. After a few days something else will come up and everyone will forget. They will say congrats a lot for a day but, no biggie..Your husband can say well we just wanted to keep it quiet. That's being honest and up front.
2007-10-20 03:55:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage may not mean anything to you or him, but it does mean a great deal to the state that you live in. You have entered in to a marriage that has the same legal implications as a "real marriage".
Did it occur to you that by having a talk with his boss that you are really telling him that you want to have the legal right to "steal" benefits (health insurance), but you want the boss and others to respect your decision. The company will be paying large amounts of money each month for a self professed fraud. I know it is old fashioned to think about others, but it is just the way I am.
2007-10-20 12:27:47 · answer #2 · answered by Randy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of the weirdest questions I've seen. A woman who seems embarassed to be married. Yet, you lived as a proud 'live in' couple.
The only reason I could guess for this is that you're either embarassed of your new husband or embarassed that you decided marriage was the best means to an end. I hope you're not embarassed of him, so I'll assume the 2nd part.
Regardless, if you don't want people to know, your husband, excuse me 'partner', needs to sit his boss down and tell him just what you told us. He should do this because most people feel marriage is a good thing and want to announce it to the world. In your case, you don't.
2007-10-20 11:27:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT!?
Ge it annulled. Getting married for insurance purposes is not a reason to get married. But you obviously aren't committed to the relationship outside of marriage either so its not like its really going to last anyway. Just get it annulled and find your own insurance.
2007-10-20 10:54:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why does it matter so much with who knows? Things have a way of getting around its best to set the record straight than to try and keep everyone guessing .
2007-10-20 10:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by Lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee if you really feel that way about marriage...Weird that you refer to him as your partner but there is no emotional involvement and marriage means nothing to you......just give up the insurance...
2007-10-20 10:54:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up the insurance. This guy doesn't seem to be the type to respect your feelings so just smile and accept the congratulations.
2007-10-20 10:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by rrunner68 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you male and female?
Is this a marriage of a man and a woman?
If it is a marriage of a man and a woman why are you so embarrassed?
However, if you are two guys you might have something to hide.
2007-10-20 10:59:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Same sex marriages should not be legalized.
I am not one to judge anyone, because we all sin.
God finds homosexual behavior detestable.
Liviticus 18:22
2007-10-20 11:07:48 · answer #9 · answered by simee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well who cares if you are legally married or not? why are you having to keep it secret? As long as neither of you are legally married to someone else then so be it be married
2007-10-20 10:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋