My step children are coming today...they have been a real problem lately.?

Question

I haven't seen them in two weeks however the last time I saw them they yelled at me and were really mean and rude...Over nothing, I had not scolded them, I had taken them shopping and had been very good to them all weekend. They got their mother involved by telling her lies, they have every idea that it is a good one to break my husband and I apart. I am really angry at them. I don't want to lower myself to their level, however how should I act when they are here. My husband doesn't like it when I go into another room and do other things when they are here, however I am still very upset. they are all teens....I love them, but I really don't like them right now and just don't know what to do.

Answer 1

It is hard being a step parent to any child. They are being bratty and, you have a right to be upset. It is not only you who need to sit them down but, you need to sit your husband down also and let him know that you feel upset and, that you feel they are trying to come between you and him and he needs to sit them down and let them know even though him and their mom is no longer together doesn't mean he stopped loving them and he loves you and they need to respect you when they come for visits and that they are not going to come between you and him.
See that is their Dad and it will have more impact coming from him. Dad shouldn't expect you to stay in the room when you are upset and he isn't going to do something about his kids upsetting everyone.....
Keep loving them and they will come around even if it takes years. You didn't say how old they are but, teens aren't the easiest to handle some days.....

Answer 2

Act as though nothing is wrong at all. Treat the day as any other. This will show them that they are not succeeding in getting under your skin. but ask your husband if at the end of the weekend before they leave if you could set up a time for everyone to discuss what has happened previously and what the family is going to do to prevent it from happening again.Teens are moody as it is when you add parents being divorced into the mix they are overwhelmed and act out. They probably give their mom just as much attitude.

Answer 3

Step children will be step children, as long as their mother is in contact with them, I went through the same, but thank God My husband really supported me through the first 3 years, until the grow to understand that thought I was the other woman, I loved and treated them as though the way my own children, my dear the most important thing is communication, set the rules, like how you would behave to own children, and let their father know what ever is happening so that in the end you should not be blamed, children will always be children but we need to guide and protect them, so do just go and hide in closet behave like a mother, and most of all let them know that, what they are doing is actually ridiculous.

Answer 4

Ugh I'm sorry you are going through that. You have every right to expect that your step children treat you with respect. If your husband does not back that up, that's a huge problem. I think if you have made the effort to interract with them and they have rejected that, going into another room is a good option. Bottom line, your husband needs to get a handle on this now or you're in for bigger problems down the line.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

This is behavior is proof once again that kids rebel when they are not ready for change, and you lady are the change that they are not ready for. This is the #1 reason why you dont remarry untill your kids are old enough to live on their own. Your hubby should have waited till his kids were mature enough to handle such a hard situation, these kids dont have the proper tools or structure to deal with this, its way to soon. Now Im not saying pack your bags and get out! Its a little late in the game for that, I mean the damage is done, and basically these kids are not gonna accept you till there ready, and this could be along time, and who knows it may never happen, and the reason why it wont happen is because they are mentally damaged, this is no fault of their own, for gods sake they are kids, this fault lays on your shoulders and your hubbys, they are hurting and lashing out on you because they feel you are a threat, and you are! What upsets me most about your situation is that I met a man a few years back, wonderful guy and all, but he had kids, I couldnt be the woman who caused destruction and insanity to these kids lives so I backed off, I told him in 10 years when these kids are adults, come and look me up, I also informed him that I am not getting involved not because I didnt like him or that I didnt think he was a great guy, I didnt involve myself because I wanted his kids to have a stable life, I didnt want to be the woman in the middle, and I knew I would never be #1, so I sacraficed my happiness so that his kids could have as much as a normal life as possible. Its only to bad that you didnt do the same, so now your stuck, so I say, deal with it, it may get better but I dought it, just do the best you can and try and be the best role model that you can be, dont try to mother them as this will only cause more drama, just be thier friend, and hope for the best but expect the worst.

Answer 6

I went through the exact same thing with my ex husband. He's the exhusband with the help of his daughter. Before it's too late you really need to have a very honest talk with your husband. If he isn't willing to step in and make his children treat you with more respect you may have to rethink your future in this relationship. I also had to deal with an exwife and a stepdaughter who constantly lied to get their way. We had custudy of the children due to the mother's drug abuse. You can't buy your way into the kids life either. You'll go broke, but still won't get their respect. My step daughter stole my journals, took them to her mother, and hoped that some of the things I had written about would break her father and I up. I told her she could read any entry in the journal to her dad, that I had already discussed all the issues with him. I got yelled at by her dad for "embarassing" her like that but she did not get into any trouble for stealing my personal journals. So please talk with your husband now before it gets too late, the kids attitudes won't change by anything you try to do... Good Luck

Answer 7

No1. You are a step mum. Traditionally that has never been a nice thing to be. Be comforted there are lots of us out there and step dads too.

No2. They are teenagers. Traditionally that has never been a nice thing to be.

You need to set some ground rules with your husband.
You must be united on this.

If they are out of line tell them.
If they verbally abuse you...Tell them it's not acceptable.

Be clear in your mind and tell them you love them. That you know the situation is difficult for them.
That you understand that sometimes they don't like you or don't like what you do or say but you are not there to be liked.

You will not interfere between their mother and themselves.
You will not say anything bad about their mother or their father.

Stick to this. Be fair and firm. Stand together in views and actions with your husband and soon they will come to respect you.

Answer 8

You and your husband, and maybe their real mom need to have a sit down. Explain to them that you and your husband love each other and plan to stay happily married. Tell them that you've noticed their behavior and make sure they know that if they have any problems they should come directly to you or your husband. You need to find out what they don't like about you and the relationship you have with their dad. Tell them that you love them and want only what's best for them.

Answer 9

My step kids were sweet and loving.
But I could feel the jealousy from the teen aged girl. I took her dad. When I realized it I insisted they spend time alone like go to the movies.
I vowed never to say anything against their mom and I told my husband my plan.
I phoned their mom to assure her the kids were okay while they visited us. She was rude but eventually came to appreciate it.
I suggested they make something or buy something for mom when they were here for holidays. I suggested that she may feel lonely and have a need to just have a reminder that the kids are thinking about her.
As our kids bloomed into wonderful adults they became aware of where the caos in their lives was coming from.They have currently removed their mom from the picture.
When I hear about them degrading her I always remind them you only have one mom.........This was not my plan to turn them against their mom. I just wanted them to form their own opinions. In stead of having our thoughts overtake them.
Both kids do not talk to mom now.. I do not like this and mom and I spend time talking on the phone. She knows nothing about the current wedding our son had and it is not my place to share. I told their mom I am here for you but I must be sincere to the kids. So I only assure her that they are okay and someday they may find it in there hearts to understand and forgive her for leading such a dramatic life.

Answer 10

certainly, i might have a complicated time snoozing at night, understanding the region and understanding i ought to help, yet i'm being a cowered in my household projects to my toddlers and making use of money as an excuse for it. i might locate the thank you to have the money for it and take my toddlers into my care and raise them ideal. you're ideal money does have a function, however the actuality keeps to be that those are his little ones. they're his accountability and in the event that they don't look to be being dealt with by making use of their mom he's morally obligated to take over. that's my difficulty. that's egocentric to bypass away them interior the present circumstances. Having organic and organic toddlers won't be financially obtainable, yet that's the prospect you're taking once you marry somebody that already has little ones. particularly situations step toddlers is all you get, yet once you're elevating them and that they love you and you like them, in case you place their desires above your man or woman, that's what makes a determine. they don't want the latest toys, they want somebody that is going to love them and help them into adulthood. No it is not exciting to could tell your toddlers no, yet each and every mom and father has to do it. even if in case you have the money to purchase them each and everything, to realize this is irresponsible. That purely teaches them that existence is elementary. All they could do is ask and that they get even in the event that they want. It makes them spoiled. Making them earn issues is greater useful because of the fact they discover ways to savour what they have and it teaches them a paintings ethic.