This person can provide all the material things you desire, but your heart is with someone else. Your family really likes this person and wants nothing to do with the one you really love. Could you learn to love this person and leave your true love? Would you feel comfortable consummating the marriage? Having kids with this person? Divorce is NOT possible in this country.
2007-10-19 20:44:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
in my opinion, if you don't love the person you will never be happy. yes you can learn to love, but its never the same as true love. follow your heart (it usually knows best). i don't know what the social standards are there, but here it's not up to a persons family to have any input on who you marry. in the end you are the one that will suffer, or be happy. if i were in this position, i would go for love. forget the arranged marriage. material things will never be worth the love you have and could spend your life with. again, follow your heart.
good luck!
2007-10-19 20:50:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what is most important to YOU. If you think the arranged guy will be abusive in any way then he should not be an option. Love inevitably changes over time to a calmer state. People can even change in a marriage and not be exactly who you hoped they would be. It is virtually impossible to know how someone will be in a marriage until you are in it.
Ask yourself several questions. Is it possible to have a real heart to heart discussion with your family about what you want for your life? Could you stand the break from your family if you go with the man you love? Is it possible your family would come back to you over time because of the love they have for you? Are you in danger if you don't go with the arranged marriage?
You may grow to love the arranged marriage man. He may be a better man in the end than the man you love (things really can change!) But if you don't go with the man you love, you will always idealize him as being someone you could have had a 'perfect' relationship with.
It will be hard and risky to go with what you believe in. In the end you don't want to look back and regret. If you are in danger, make sure you run away to a place where no one can hurt you. Make that your goal and plan in life if you need to.
--Good luck
2007-10-20 03:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by Susan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like (could be wrong) you're talking about arranged marriages. Arranged marriages don't necessarily have anything to do with loving each other. Arrangements have already been made practically at birth.
A lot of changes can happen between childhood and adulthood. One may bow out because that person does love someone else and will not give up that love regardless of family. They pick love over tradition. Of course don't ever expect family to acknowledge that you even live.
If there's no love, there is no comfort. All you do is go through the motions. Family is happy but not the one who followed tradition. It's simply doing what you are told to do. We're talking woman here since you did say this would be in another country.
If you are talking about me (for example) then the answer is no. What kind of life is that? There's no question at all here if you're talking about another countries traditions. Another countries traditions are there traditions, which I don't agree with, but who am I to change other countries traditions. All I can answer you with is no.
I've said enough already. I think you know my answer.
You may be talking about one thing and I'm talking about another, but this is what I'm going on.
2007-10-20 04:48:29 · answer #3 · answered by Eagles Fly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did not love someone else maybe. I would not do it if you can get out of it. You will be miserable and thinking of the other one. Can you live with this the rest of your life. We don't have arranged marriages where I live so I don't know if you have to do this or not. I would not feel comfortable consummating it or having children. It does not matter if your family does not like the other one. They are not the ones that have to marry and live with him, you are. If you have a choice go with your heart.
2007-10-20 03:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marries do work. But it is hard to say in your situation. Not sure how long you have know this person, but sometimes your family knows you better than you do. I have a friend who is from Pakistan and he has an arranged marriage. He communicated with his wife by phone only for about two years. They finally met and he was unsure. The first few months were pretty rough. Especially about sex since they both were virgins he was coming to me for advise. They have been married for three years now with a baby boy. They are happy and are in love. So there is hope.
2007-10-20 04:16:55 · answer #5 · answered by Dreamer 11 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Off the top of my head I would think not but the funny thing is to my knowledge almost all arranged marriages when the couple married as adults have a 0% divorce rate...its hard for me to believe too.
Get premarital counseling BEFORE the I do's is the best advice I can think of, you may find you are more in love with the arrangement then you think.
Good Luck and God Bless
2007-10-20 03:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by Old Wise One 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pre-arranged marriages are preferred in a lot of countries.
Your family honer is at stake.
They usually have a larger merger involved that is a value to both families.
Duty and responsibility is clearly defined.
Your family is responsible for helping you make it work.
Heritage brings strength.
The divorce rate in so called LOVE relationship marriages is very high.
feelings change but family is forever.
To fail is to say that your family was wrong and unwise.
Well there you have it. No matter how marriage is developed it is hard work and requires dedication and sometimes it is not very user friendly.
2007-10-20 04:00:12 · answer #7 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you really love the over person then you should go for it and do not think about other people talks but after there will be consequences!but if you are already married it is different you will not perhaps love the person to whom you are married but with time an affection for this person will grow!time may also change things!even if you cant love this person you can make him become your confident ,most trustworthy person!
2007-10-20 03:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anekdot_Vanessa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure. this happens all the time. and even though you may think that you dont love this person and your heart is with someone else, as long as he is a nice person and treats you well and you can talk to him i wouldnt worry. as long as you put the other person out of your mind- because sometimes things just cant be. you will get to know him and as long as he is just as willing to make it work then you will find things in common and you will most likely fall in love with him. if you can -have access to, you should watch the movie "the painted veil"
2007-10-20 03:50:36 · answer #9 · answered by kelly n 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you can make a pre-arranged marriage work. It all depends on if you want to make it work.
2007-10-20 04:00:04 · answer #10 · answered by BallisticRendition 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋