Married people I have a question for you!?

Question

Ive been in a relationship with my girl for 5 years. She is my soulmate but in those years she has kissed 4 guys that I know of behind my back and confessed she only kissed them. I love her but personally I have not ever cheated on her. I always imagined being with her in marriage but I don't know if it is right. Can you help me disect this situation? what could life be like with her? Am I kidding myself to think that this wont happen again and even, wont be worst and more than just a kiss? Advice please?

Answer 1

Don't expect people to change once they are married. You need to be able to trust your own heart before you can trust someone else's. Most marriages won't work out because they expect people to be someone they are not after they get hitched.

Answer 2

It's hard because you have invested so much time into this relationship and you have a really deep bond with her and the thought of throwing it all away it's kind of like you wasted 5 years on her. But it's not that at all - she is practice. I've been married for only a year and a half and I have only been with my husband for 4 years but I can promise you that if he EVER kissed another girl behind my back he'd come home to a pile of his stuff on the lawn with the divorce papers right on top. If she had only kissed someone once when she was like super trashed then I could see forgiving her and moving on, but 4 guys! It's obviouse she is NOT ready for a real relationship and REALLY isn't ready for marriage. My advice - break things off. Maybe somewhere down the way she will grow up and you 2 can try things again, but right now, no way. You sound way too good for her.

Answer 3

Being married is hard work.. So going into a marriage that you are questioning is not a good idea. If you are going to get married you should not be questioning the other person, because you are setting yourself to fail.

how long ago did she kiss these guys? are you willing to forgive her? do you think that she has kissed more, that she is hiding from you? If she keeps things from you, and is cheating on you... (to me kissing someone else is cheating), what do you really think a marriage with her will be like? I can see if these things took years and years ago, but it really doesn't sound like that is the case. I would wait for marriage until you are sure about the situation yourself. Your natural instinct is telling you something is wrong.. i would just go with that.

Answer 4

I do not feel that in the current situation that marriage will be the right answer, if you love her and think that you can trust her and work through it maybe premarital counselling will be an option to try. If it were me i would not give her a second chance as i feel that she does not class it as cheating as she has done in multiple times, i am of the opinion that once a cheater always a cheater. But if you want it to work, go for it. GOod luck for the future :)

Answer 5

Your SOULMATE?????????????? Really???????????? Your SOULMATE CHEATS ON YOU????????????? A LOT????????????????????

Get a clue. Do you find it convenient that the only times she's done it are the times you know about? Life without her would be free of the heartbreak and betrayal that she brings you. What you will put up with from another woman remains to be seen, but I hope you have learned from this situation. Yes, you are kidding yourself to think it won't happen again. You have given her enough chances and she has thrown them away. When she comes back to you crying, don't be a door mat anymore. She has established a pattern of cheating and (I think I read this before) CHEATERS DON'T CHANGE!!!!! They just get better at hiding it.

Answer 6

Find another soulmate. You have already accepted this behavior by staying with her after the first time you found about it. You might as well have said, "As long as we are a couple, I will forgive what you do behind my back." If you decide to marry her, don't be surprised or heartbroken when it continues. And you can't even pretend it was a one time thing. It's a pattern. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, it just means that cheaters don't change.

Answer 7

She has already done more than kiss another guy. A cheater will always be a cheater. Cheating is dug deep into a cheater and it is a part of who they are. The only thing I wished from my ex wife is that she had cheated early on, like before marriage, and before biulding a life together, and before having kids together... rather than wait 12 years to do it. It will hurt alot more in 12 years than it will hurt tomorrow.

Answer 8

How long ago was she kissing these people? Were all four kissed in the first year? What I am getting at, is it really all depends on how long ago these incidents happened, and what came of them. If you want to marry this girl, you need to be able to trust her. You guys need to talk and you really need to examine if you will be truely happy being married to this woman. If all of these smooches were a long time ago, and she has grown and learned from her experiences, then give her a chance, but if they happened recently, and you are doubting if she will be faithful to you, then maybe marriage isn't the answer yet. Good Luck

Answer 9

This is complex and depends on a lot of factors. Did she kiss (peck on the cheek, lip lock, swap spit) , or make out passionately with them? How old are the two of you and how recently was the last "kiss"? What kind of expectations have you agreed on for each other? Before you marry, you need to have pre-marital counseling so that you can talk out what each of you expect to give to and take from the marriage. You also need to be to the point where you both have absolute faith and trust in the fidelity of the other.

Answer 10

She has a wondering eye. Perhaps she has spurts of wanting her freedom. Or perhaps she needs a lot of attention. Is she an insecure person that seeks approval from the opposite sex?

You probably know the answer better than we do.

If I were you, I would talk to her about it and make it clear that you will not be made a fool of.

It's better to know now then to find out later in a marriage with kids no?

Answer 11

There may come a day when she is ready to make a real exclusive commitment, but if you have doubts, it's not here yet. You either need to trust her completely, or you at least need to trust that she will never go farther than a kiss, and that she puts you first -- that if she tells you about it, she's sharing it with you at the other guy's expense, sort of. It doesn't sound like you have either kind of trust, and it sounds like you want the complete kind... ideally you'd wait until she came to you and told you she wants a real true-blue commitment and her dabbling days are over. But you might not want to wait that long. If you ask her about it and you feel her answer is dissembling, I suggest you start thinking in terms of not marrying her.