If a couple divorce and remain in the same house ,but are living in seprate rooms [no sex] is she expected to do the same chores as she did when they were married.?He drinks until early morning and she stays home and does the cooking and cleaning [her choice].Can you give her some ideas as to what is now expected of her or not.Shes waiting for your new set of rules he and she can live by.He wants her to stay the same yet he goes out .she cant afford to leave but she hates the circumstances.I told her to grow some balls and do nothing for him go out and find a new life. am I right
2007-10-19 19:25:09 · 11 answers · asked by angelbaby1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may be a really difficult decision for her and financially a tough one, but she really must cut her ties and move on.
As long as she is living with him, she will not be free in any sense both emotionally and physically.
At this moment, he must feel like he's won the lottery: a live in cleaner and cook for free! No matter how difficult, in the long run she will be much better off... and free of baggage. Only then will her soul heal and she will be able to start afresh.
Don't tell her to 'grow some balls'... Instead, build up her self esteem and tell her she CAN do it.. that in fact, she's doing it every single day, just for other people and now it's time to focus on and spoil herself, by doing less work and enjoying the peace. Ask her to imagine where she wants to be in 5 yrs time... and whether she thinks she will get there by staying with her ex....
2007-10-19 19:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by Aussie mum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are divorced then she should only do that cleaning cooking, etc, that pertains to the stuff (messes) that she made. She has no duty - moral or legal - to tend to the "needs" of her ex husband, even if they do continue to share the house - so no doing his washing, shopping for his needs, cooking meals to his preferences, etc.
It sounds like he wants the benefits of a marriage without the obligations.
She should file for a property settlement, if it wasn't part of the divorce (here they are separate issues). Then she might actually get some funds to start her new life without the obligation of looking after the ex. Be aware this has to occur within 12 months of the divorce or otherwise the courts can't decide who owns what still.
2007-10-20 02:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Number One rule of being an Ex is to no longer live with the person you were once married to. Let alone care what the other one thinks, says, etc. It's over. Go your different ways. Geeez, does everyone have to be told what should be considered common knowledge these days?
2007-10-20 03:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my favorite words, expected. I was expected to be a neuro-surgeon with all the promise I showed but it didn't happen, I am here to tell ya. If there are no kids involved get a tent and get out, divorced should not have any hangeroners. They suck and it means that there is still crap to work out but it should not be worked out with the ex. Screw him, make him clean up after himself if there is no way to leave right now. It is the magic of divorce, expectations have to go out the door......ha ha ha.......oops got carried away.....it was a slip, a slight relapse into fond bitter deja`vu (or however it is spelled).
Her best bet is to get out and find a new roommate.
2007-10-20 02:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are now roommates so the rules would be the same as if she were living with any other roomie. She cleans what she dirties, cooks what she eats and does her laundry.
However, the best would be to move out and work hard to make it on her own. It can be done.
2007-10-20 02:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she needs to take charge of her situation, and make her own rules! And your absolutely right. If things stay the way they are, neither person has the opportunity to grow.
And he still gets the benefits of a wife, with no responsability
to a commitment,(which is just what he wants). She needs to stand up for herself, and let him grow up.
P.S. Living in poverty is better than living in slavery.
2007-10-20 02:39:42 · answer #6 · answered by 9iron 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she went from wife to maid. Is she getting a check? If not, she needs to get out from under his thumb and begin her own life. What is she going to do when he brings home his new female "friend"? It doesn't sound like she has really let go of the marriage.
2007-10-20 02:32:42 · answer #7 · answered by MELINDA C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move out ASAP, nothing positive comes from two people who have no reason for being together. You are absolutely right
2007-10-20 02:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by Lear R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get a life already. Get out, He sure does/did. she needs to move on and find her self a good man... And, not at the Bar... That's trouble. Your her friend... Help her!!!!!!!
2007-10-20 02:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by Petunia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right. And they should either sell the house, lease it out, or get other roommates so that one or the other can move out. Unhealthy environment.
2007-10-20 02:31:53 · answer #10 · answered by equal_opposites 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋