Is my 13 year old son having sex?

Question

I recently found a thong in my 13 year old son's room when I was doing laundry. I asked him about it and said he took it as a joke from one of his friends, that is a girl. So far he has been very honest with me. I try to be open so he can trust me and come to me if he needs anything. I just don't want him to make the mistakes that I made, like having him at 17! His dad, my husband, alreadly had "the talk" and he says he understands. My son has so many friends that are girls, most of his cell phone contacts are girls, is that normal? My question is am I being unrealistic thinking he has not has sex yet?

Answer 1

kids are having sex at younger and younger ages these days so anything is possible, just make sure hes learning about std's and what nots but really you might be just overexamining it like most parents do

Answer 2

My friend says "yes" you are a little unrealistic in thinking your son is not having sex. My response is a little different.

To say that your son has been very honest with you so far could mean that he just hasn't gotten caught in a compromising situation.

Look, having 'the talk' is a good thing to do, but you have to know that his lessons in sex started way before your husband spoke to him. So, if you have instilled in your son good sound morals i believe he'll be o.k.

Now, about him not making the same mistakes you did. Wasn't it those very same mistakes that taught you all of life's little lessons. Aren't you the person that you are today because of the lessons learned from those mistakes. Don't be so quick to shield your son from making mistakes, that's how he's going to learn the most important lessons in life.
Always remember that a mistake is only an opportunity for growth.

good luck

Answer 3

I actually think that the thong may be more of a tool for masturbation than a signal that he's had sex with a girl.

The issue of cross - dressing that another poster brought up is also an idea...he may have taken the thong, if nothing else, to see what his "manhood" looks like in a thong...as he knows his dad probably wouldn't buy him any revealing underwear.

You're right to ask him about it...but a question like that, I think, should come from his dad, and not from you...there's just a whole different level of communication with men and boys.

Mom asking the same question: "where did this come from"...from mom is accusing...from dad...the truth (if there is one) may be more likely to come out.

Answer 4

It's not unusual if your kid is more interested in girls at that age. I wouldn't be worried about most of his cell phone contacts being girls either, as long as he still hangs out with other boys his age. He probably just wants to be able to ask a girl out at her convenience, without having to call her home phone and talking to one of the parents or siblings. It's an awkward age.

You have every right to be suspicious, though. If he seemed kind of defensive when he answered you, it might be a good idea to buckle down and not let him take any girls up to his room, or check up regularly on him when he does.

More important, though, is that he should realize that sex isn't everything, or shouldn't be the only way for him to be intimate with a girl, or make her happy. And it's so easy to think of sex as a rite of passage nowadays, but that doesn't make the people who do it at an early age necessarily better. Sex isn't a bad thing, but it's so easy to be stupid about it.

Answer 5

I know of 13 year olds who have had sex before, and one thing you can do is make sure you know where he is at all times. If he says he's going to spend the night at a friend's house, be sure that you trust this friend's parents, the parents will be there, and know what other kids will be staying there. Kids WILL be expecting these questions, and you can think of creative excuses to call the parent's house. Another thing you can do is be the person who drives him places. If he has any older guy friends, ages 16, 17, who you trust, you can talk to them, and see if they would talk to your son for you.

Answer 6

Something similar happened with my son, he was 13 at the time too I found his female friend straddling him (clothed and just chatting) and that was the opening for "the talk". I brought out condoms and explained with a deodorant bottle and gave him the rest and told him just in case and also said they have a shelflife so if sex doesn't happen for a while for him let me know and I'd buy him some new ones. He was very mature and not at all silly about it except when I'd done speaking, he proceeded to blow them up and play with them like balloons around the house..that was reassuring. My son is 15 now has a girlfriend and did come to me to ask for condoms just in case, I followed through with my promise along with another talk about "respect for women". All you can really do is keep them safe and hope that their common sense prevails through the raging hormones.

Answer 7

OOH MOM u r possessive n right too..
Some times these silly things distract u from ur ambitions in life..n u land up in a place from where there is no escape from failures...so what i suggest is try to spend more time with him n even if he seems to be irritated with ur comments on what not to do..keep on giving Jorgan's to him.. some children grow with such attraction for opposite sex..to an extent its natural but sometimes it actually spoiles ur entire character.. n specially boys have a strong n a long-lasting effect of this feeling....so u cannot forcefully stop him from having sex..but u can guide him about the positive aspects n other more important things in life. once he starts listening u..he will try understanding u n i promise u he will be the best son any mom would have....all the best. God bless u n ur family.

Answer 8

Better you give him the complete knowledge of SEX Education and tell him that those things he will enjoy at later days. Mostly he will listen. Nowadays children are very fast in learning many things and you need not worry or break your head, Ask your husband to have a watch over this boy. Do not blame or fight with him. Tell him very politely, mostly he will come to your side. I am a psychologist and I am getting maximum complaints from Parents about the boys and girls of that age. There is nothing to alarm about things happening. But have a close watch about his movements with his girl friends. Collect all his friends and tell them to behave sincerely and decently without any involvement of SEX activities. Hope you will handle the situation very carefully.Only parents can handle their boys and girls and it will quite appropriate . All the best Yours Yours
vrvrao

Answer 9

You are not being unrealistic, but it's hard not to worry about that kind of thing. I would just keep up at what you are doing and see if it progresses or worsens. If he is gone constantly (besides school, and other things) I personally would ask the same thing especially about the thong in the room. But it seems like you have done all you can since he has had the talk.

Answer 10

I would get details about this thong, what kind of a joke is it to have a girls thong in his room? Not funny to me.

Act like a parent, not his best buddy, get real! Tell this boy he better keep it in his pants, period.

Do you allow him to bring girls into the house? Is he alone at anytime before or after school? At 13, he needs to be monitored and you cannot trust whatever kids say, especially boys who want to cover up what they are doing wrong. I read a study that said males learn at an early age how to "cover themselves", they begin by lying to their moms and continue on and lie to their girlfriends and then wives.

Set the rules in your home that sex is not an option. Enforce it by teaching morals and values, self respect and respect for others. It's just that simple.

Answer 11

What do you plan on doing about it if he is having sex? You should save your worrying and fretting for things you actually have control over.

The most you can do with kids is arm them with the information they need, share your expectations and standards with them, then hope and pray for the best. They aren't little dolls that you can get to do whatever you want. They have free will. And at 13 a sex drive that may or may not overpower their good judgment. All you can do is your best, and the rest is up to them.

I can assure you that your obsessing over whether he's having sex or not is guaranteed to make him start thinking about it more.