My husband of 13 yrs just told me he wants to leave me. He is my best/only friend. What should I do?

Answer 1

You know its going to be hard there is no question about that. so what you do is pick your self up and dust your self off.start going out and make friends join a club go dancing what ever it takes for you to get over him quicker.I not saying that you need to find a new man or anything JUST friends woman, men too if you feel comfortable. Best of wishes to you hun keep your head high.

Answer 2

If he really wants to leave there is not a lot you can do but make him agree to counseling first to see if this can be worked out. If not, you will have to go to counseling yourself but I notice you say he is your only friend? If that is true after 13 years, you have been missing out on a lot in life. Do you have a problem with self esteem or lack of confidence that you do not have any friends? It may seem hard now but in time this could be the best thing for you if you find some friends to do things with. Find things to do that you could not do when married such as get a job of some kind if you do not have one, perhaps take up bowling and join a league, take some classes in a community college - what ever makes you happy. In time you may meet someone else who loves you enough to be there when you need him and give you love that you didn't have if this man is going to leave. I wish you well, and future happiness!!

Answer 3

Nothing you can do but let him go, why would you want to stay with him if he doesn't love you anymore. I have been through it so i know how you feel and how hurt you are right now. My husband left me for another woman but i didn't know that at the time.I fount that out after he came back home 2 1/2 years later. If your husband loves you he will found it, it might take a little while but he will come to his senses and see that he has made a big mistake and come back to you. Be strong let him see that you won't fall apart if he leaves you. Men like strong women so you need to show him that part of you. Hold yourself together and tell yourself he loves you and he will be back. 95% of all husbands that leave comes back when they find out that what they were looking for they all ready had right in front of them but was to blind or stuborn to see it. Remember the more you try to get him to stay the more you will push him out the door.This will be the hardest thing you will ever go through. Here is something you can say, I don't want anyone who doesn't want me so you can leave, i won't stop you but know this if you leave there is no coming back. If you tell him that it might make him think twice about leaving you,that's if he is having any doubts about leaving you that is.

Answer 4

He told you he 'wants' to leave you so he must not have done so as yet. Think this may be the time to really find out why he is feeling this way. Has he found someone else outside of your marriage? Why is he suddenly decided, after so many years, to throw away your and his relationship? Believe you two need to sit down and go through his reasons for making such a permanent decision. You deserve to know why, truthfully and honestly. I do, again, suggest you go to this site: www.marriagebuilders.com and see the tools they have to work on a marriage; even when it seems futile to do so. This may be his way of expressing his dissatisfaction and he is giving up rather than trying to work on it with you. Even if there is another woman involved or he feels he is missing out on life, you two can rebuild, if you both decide to do so.
If he is intent on moving on, then you will not have a choice. But before making any decision, get some sound advise and tools to use. Also, mort ferel is excellent on showing couples ways to get to the root of their marital problems without divorcing or leaving the relationship. It is worth investigating. He may still love you, but feels he wants more, when he has more right in front of his face and doesn't realize it. Goodluck

Answer 5

I would try to find out (if he hasn't told you already) why it is that he wants to leave. Is there someone else in his life? Is he just plain unhappy? Is he only content and not excited anymore? Because if there's some small change that you could make and are willing to make that change, then I'd try to convince him to work it out.

Sometimes we can take each other for granted when we've been together a long time. It's not because we don't care about each other anymore, but just because love becomes like an old dish rag. "Yeah, I'll take care of it later. But right now I've got more important things to do." And then when it comes to the point where the dishrag is old and full of mildew, the only thing we can think to do is throw it out. A dedicated person will do all she can to salvage this dishrag--soak it in bleach, wash it thoroughly.

So if you think your "dishrag" is worth saving, then I would pull out all the stops--short of changing your personality because that's not a marriage. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well, he is being honest. You must have seen this coming and there most have been opportunities to prevent this from just happening one day. So have some self respect and don't beg and plead or make promises and deals. Hold your head high and deal with it head on. You are going to have to make many changes in your life both emotionally, physically and financially so don't waste any time in doing what it is that has to done. Beating yourself up and him, placing guilt, blame and fault will only cause you more pain, anger and keep you down and unfocused on the task at hand.
Its your life and you need to live it with or with out him. If he doesn't want to be there, then you don't want him there.
You are stronger than you think you are! God bless.
It wont be easy but you will survive this and find love again.

Answer 7

I am sorry for your pain, and that you feel like you may be losing your only friend. That can be very scary. I don't know if you have close family but that would be a good start. If not close, maybe you could start getting close to someone in the family.

Try to find any source of friendship that you can, or safe family members so that when it starts happening you have someone else to lean on. Start reaching out to whatever support you may have as soon as you can to prepare yourself for how you might start feeling.

Even if you two find a way to stay together you should find some friendships outside of your marriage so that you can have some healthy balance. No one should be totally dependent on one person to be their everything, they will get let down for sure.

Answer 8

Let him leave.

I would hope you wouldn't want someone who doesn't want you.

The fact he just says.. "I want to leave" and not "I'm unhappy in our marriage".. " or something of that nature.. well there's a huge difference..

If he had said he's not happy.. or something... then that means he's willing to try to work things out.. he's left the door open still.. basically he's letting you know there's a problem and wants a resolution.

But since he matter of fact says.. he just wants to leave you.. then that means he already has plans that don't include you.. and yes.. probably plans that include persuing another woman.

I know it hurts, and I know part of you feels like your dying. You can try to talk to him and see if he's willing to do counseling with you, but chances are.. his heart and mind have already left you.. and now it's just the physical act of leaving you.. meaning he's got no feeling left to even try to work things out.

But it never hurts to try.. but if he says now.. that he just wants the divorce.. then let him go.

Let him go, and make time to recreate your life. You can and will survive this. God gives us trials like this to make us stronger.. and you can do this.

Have confidence in yourself too.. that you don't fall into the trap of wanting a man who doesn't want you.. simply because you've been with him for 13 years. Just let him go.

And for yourself.. try to get counseling through your church or employer if possible.. it's good to have someone to talk to about this.. start a journal to write down your feelings no matter how negative and nasty they may be.. they need to come out... journals are very theraputic. And start making new friends.. how?? Take a class at your local community college.. go to a church activity.. find a chat group on line even.. but reach out to make new friends.. and reach out to old friends.. any all support or distractions they can offer will make this transition more tolerable.

Finally while this isnt' healing.. rent the movie Under the Tuscan Sun.. in the movie the lead charcter gets screwed over by her husband and loses EVERYTHING.. and she falls back on her friend.. and recreates her life in Italy. It's a great story about rebuilding your life after you fall down.

It may give you some comfort.

I am sorry that you have to go through this.

My Best Wishes, and most Respectful Regards.

Answer 9

You poor thing, i can only imagine your pain right now. You must be in a world of hurt. My husband did excatly the same thing to me 18 months ago, and i couldn't eat sleep, think, function AT ALL. It turned out that he'd been seeing someone else and didn't know how to handle his guilt so he took it out on me. He did come back home after a week, and with lots of communicating and tears, we got through it. and a phone call to the whore he was seeing helped me feel a bit more back in control. I'd suggest that you sit tight, let him know that you love him, and when hes ready to be open and honest then you're ready to discuss your future together.

I feel so sorry for you right now, my hub is my best friend and when i did lose him for that week, it was the most hurtful and loneliest time of my life. Contact me anytime if you need to, I've been through it too....Big, big hugs

Answer 10

Why does he want to leave you? If you are best friends then I would think you should be able to talk to him and find out what the problem is or try to work things out. 13 years is a long time to just walk away from - maybe you should try counseling?

Best of luck to you. Stay strong.