My wife has been acting strange lately...?

Question

Before I start, let me say:
I'm 46, and she's 23. I didn't marry her because she's young and hot or whatever. We're really in love. She has recently been diagnosed with Epilepsy since about a month now.

So I've noticed since this entire week, that my wife has always been saying things like, "Promise you'll always stay/be here. Stay with me." Stuff like that...almost like seperation anxiety. But I don't think that's it because ever since her new medical problem, I've had my eye on her 24/7. I myself am a doctor (cardiologist), and I go to all her doctor apointments with her neurologist. Her condition isn't cardiac. I don't know if this anxiety or whatever has anything to do with her medical situation.
She has also been really lovey-dovey with me. Always saying she loves me and stuff. Not that I don't like it, but it's just different.

Any ideas?

We don't have any children, she's not pregnant, I know everything about her health, and she and I haven't had any marital problems since we got married 4 years ago.

Answer 1

Hi Seth,

Your wife is obviously concerned that since she has diagnosed with epilepsy, maybe you will think she is not good enough for you, and that you will want to find someone less "high maintenance" or who does not have medical problems to deal with.

I'm sure, of course, you are aware that epilepsy can usually be controlled, and I hope that hers can, for both your sakes. But she may need to continually hear that you love her and that when you said "in sickness and in health," that YOU MEANT IT.

It may be time for some marriage counseling, because when a partner keeps saying things like she is, it can wear on you. I know this because my husband had surgery over 10 years ago and still suffers from serious sciatic nerve pain for which he takes meds that would kill me. He has ALWAYS been lovey dovey, as you say. (We've been together 14 yrs.) That is his nature. But he too tells me he never wants me to leave, etc. I don't really think that HIS affection has increased because of his medical problem and that he feels insecure that I might leave him. He told me from the start that he'd been waiting a long, long time to find someone like me, and that has never changed due to his injuries.

I'm glad you are ok with the lovey-dovey stuff. Don't ever change that, because that is one really special quality that not all men possess. Just reassure her that you love her, you're not going anywhere, and that epilepsy can never change the woman she is, which is the woman you fell in love with.

You are probably aware of the difficulties that injury/illness poses for family members of those who are afflicted. Don't discount those things. YOU are human too. Just because you are a doctor doesn't mean you are superman (I think you know that already though).

You might even take advantage of the lovey-dovey-ness to have some really special, close and intimate evenings with her. Hold her softly and show her how much you love her without saying a word.

Good luck and hang in there, OK!?

ymmf

p.s. I don't think the age has anything to do w/ your situation.

Answer 2

I am tempted to say that this is just typical marriage boredom, but I do get the feeling that something else might be going on. I don't want to freak you out, but there is the possibility of another man. Of course, that's just how it seems from your perspective. It's possible that she is stressed out about your surgery, or maybe depressed for some other reason. What you need to do is have an honest conversation, and ask her bluntly what is going on and why she has changed in her behavior toward you. Just see what she says. Good luck.

Answer 3

She may not understand epilepsy. In her mind she may equate it with a terminal illness. I am not saying epilepsy is not serious it is and it can be especially if not under control. She may be thinking that her illness is too stressfull on you and you may want to leave eventually. She is young and the youth rarely think about getting serious illnesses and when it happens it can be devastating. Since you apparently do love her so much the only things you can do are 1 reassure her of your love and commitment 2 help her to learn about her type of epilepsy and what type of life she can have once it's under control.
My dad has had it since he was in his 20's also. It was terrifying he was put on medications and then 20 years later they wanted to see if the seizures had gone away so they took him off the meds. Of course he had one while he was driving. He got put back on never to come off again but he lives a normal life now. So even if she never gets them under control there are ways for her to live a more normal life such as a seizure control dog. A dog that warns her of an impending attack so she can go someplace safe for example.

Answer 4

It sounds like it's just something mental. Having epilepsy is difficult in that you are not sure when it's going to happen so you have to take all these extra precautions in how you live your life.
I had to make sure i got enough rest, drank a lot of water, exercise more, ate right, do things to reduce stress. these are all good things anyway, but it's like you have this unknown thing hanging over you.
She must be all conflicted inside. Has she considered talking to a therapist about her feelings?

Answer 5

She's probably realizing that she needs you and is very grateful to have you during this hard time in her life. Health issues make a person feel particularly helpless and you've probably been extremely supportive. She might have also been thinking about how hard this situation would be without you. It makes a woman emotional when she has a man to lean on.

Answer 6

Hi, your wife has had some confronting news A lot of issues will be raised, "what will happen to me now" can feel like damaged goods, who will want me. Self esteem issues will be raisd. Sounds like she is needing support, confirmation and some understanding to get through the shock of the news. Obviously hasn't changed how you feel about her and so will feel confusing for you. Great you are close you can see the changes.
Good on your dedication to each other.

Answer 7

Your a Doctor yourself. Use all the knowledge that you do to tell your patience. Get all the Information you can and make it a point for her and you to know all of it together. It should ease up eventually... Hanging on you.. Asking if you'll ever leave her. Get interested in her illness and make it your point to show her that you care. She sees this... she will make it easier for you. She knows your a Doctor and you should understand. Yeah! it's not your field. But, You can make the effort... She is your wife.

Answer 8

im going to tell you the truth.

your 46 and she's 23.

whether you like it or not...she found a gold mine marrying you...

answer this...does she live in a nice house? does she drive a nice car? what about her clothes? are they nice?

sure, w/o a doubt im sure she loves you and im sure you love her too (obviously u seem to love her very much).

but what u MUST understand is that she's QUESTIONING whether or not you'll stay w/ her b/c of her new problem. im sure its hard goin to her doctors appointments and dealing w/ this disease for you along w/ ure job and she's afraid you will leave her. she's afraid if u leave her she'll have no more car, no more house, all the nice clothes gone etc..

if she TRULY loved 100% like you seem to love her...she would NOT feel insecure and start acting extra "lovey dovey"

trust me, i'm a pre-med student thats been around too many gold diggers.....ALREADY.

Answer 9

She's afraid you'll leave because she has a medical issue. She is going overboard showing you she is fine and can still be a wife regardless of her heath.

Answer 10

maybe reality is really setting in with her diagnoses. she's probably scared and wants to make sure that your going to be there. everytime she asks these questions let her know how much you love her. even if she asks you 20 times a day. she needs to feel your love for her. she probably knows you love her but she's probably scared. be there for her in every way possible.
God Bless you and your wife.