Starting Over at 30?

Question

So I am a 30 year old woman with 2 beautiful girls and I just kinda realized after 14 years with my high school sweetheart that I deserve and want better! Is it really possible, please tell me there is some one that will love me for me and my children? I feel like I still have so much to experience, I am not satisfied or fullfilled, and I am freaked out! Please any advice or life expierences welcomed. It's crazy, is it not?

To: K9guy07, your answer is a little judgemental don't ya think? You should open your mind a little more, after 14 years most people would not leave just because of selfishness. Then again, I should expect and answer like this! You should take everything into consideration when answering a question like this. I just may be a good person that wants to do the best for her kids and is lookin for a little advice cause sometimes you find it in the most unsusual places. But thanks cause I would not want to be your wife or mother either. A little touchy I know sorry!

Oh by the way, we may have been in a relationship for 14yrs but never been officialy married!

Answer 1

First let me tell you that there is nothing to panic about. I was beginning to think that I was the only one that is still looking for that mono-e-mono relationship and after the first start over realized that it takes some of us more than starting over once. After two failures totalling 26 years and two abusive marriages, lies and deceit, I find myself doing it again for the third time. Deathly afraid of the 3 strike rule, I have come to the reality that I was trying too hard as I am one that lives for the family environment of the "Old School". Whatever you do, don't freak out. It is just life and some are given more obstacles than others to overcome before we find what we seek in partners and environment. Relax, breath and focus. Evaluate where you are, then formulate what you want and point yourself in the direction that will take you there. I have resigned to the fact that maybe I was trying too hard and missing the one that is for me. Remember that the more you restrict yourself the harder it will be and the narrower the path to travel. Best advice I could give is start with yourself, each step of your evaluation has to consider your children as they have to travel the path you choose. What you are looking for may not be far from where you are but you might miss it if you set your sights to narrowly. Slow down the process and make good informed decisions and judgements. That will give you security and self esteem and clear any fuzzy areas that might present themselves. Be willing to give the same amount of what you want to receive and compromise. Those are building blocks of a foundation. It is not as hard as it looks but is more complicated that it appears, it just takes some time and effort. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Based merely on what you said (“I deserve and want better” “I am not satisfied or fulfilled”), it kind of sounds like you’re bored. Are you really willing to throw away 14 years and separate your children from their father just because you’re bored? Don’t think that you will become any more satisfied or fulfilled just because you leave. You won’t. The only way that will happen is if you figure out what will make you feel satisfied and fulfilled and then take steps to obtain it. Just leaving your boyfriend isn’t going to do it.

With that said, maybe there are things about the relationship you didn’t mention that are actual problems and are unfixable, and if so, maybe you would be happier single. But again, based merely on what you said, it sounds like boredom. Or maybe even an 'early'-life crisis (because you're kind of young for a mid-life crisis).

Answer 3

The answer is yes, there is someone out there that will love you for you. But finding the right person may not be easy. 30 years is young. You have alot of life in front of you and you seem to have alot to give. But before making any decisions, think everything through carefully. Many people search for years without finding their soulmate.

When you married, you promised to be together for the rest of your life. I believe that you should do everything possible to keep this promise. Discuss your concerns openly with your spouse. However, if your partner has mentally abandoned you and is not willing to build a life that is healthy and happy for you and your children, you have a right to look for a better life.

Consider the impact of your separation on your children and on yourself. Will you and your children be secure financially if your partner does not support you? How will your children handle a separation? Discuss your concerns openly with people you trust. If you do not have someone to discuss it with, find an advisor. This maybe some at your church or a relationship counselor.

If you decide to start over, the website below may be of help to you.

Answer 4

I'm 36 and have been with my High School Sweetheart since I was 15. It's normal, I think, to feel that there is someone better out there...especially if you've been getting offers lately that make you wonder what it would be like to be with other men!

But ironically, lately I've been getting more and more offers from guys who are interested, and that just sort of solidifies my knowledge that my husband is the right guy for me. I know that might not seem to make much sense, but it's true! Once I sort of started turning guys down, I realized that it's because I truely love my husband and don't want to give up the life that we have together.

Yeah, my life at home can be BORING at times, and he acted like a jerk for many, MANY years...but he's working on changing. What made him do that? I started making changes in the way that I treated him. I don't nag him nearly as much as I used to. I'm acting content when he's around. I let him have his own space and try to show him I love him in the ways that he likes to be shown...not in the way that I think he should be loved.

Yeah, there might be a guy out there who will love you and your girls, but I don't think nearly as much as their father does. He might not show his love for you guys as much or in the ways that you'd like him to, but I'm sure he really does care a whole lot about you. You have to remember that everyone can't express their love the way you'd like them to. Just accept what it is that he has to give.

Answer 5

Wow...I married my HS sweetheart and have 3 awesome little boys - and after 18 years together, our divorce was finalized last Monday. It's scary - I won't lie to you, but starting over isn't that bad. Yes, someone will come in to your life eventually who will love you and your kids, just don't rush into anything. 30 isn't old - it's possible to start over and have a lot of living in you - (I'm 32) - you can do it! Good Luck!

Answer 6

I didn't meet my husband till I was 35!!! I mean don't get me wrong, I'd been married before, dated a lot (more than I care to remember), but little did I know that I would not meet my soulmate until I was 35. He is such a handsome, sweet, kindhearted gentleman, more than I ever thought I'd get in a guy. So yes, 30 is definately young enough to still meet an awesome guy, especially if you keep your bod in decent shape.

Answer 7

You made a commitment so stick with it! It is your fault that you go married young and obviously before you were ready. It is not the childrens fault, dont put them through this for your mistakes. I cant stand how selfish your statement sounds....by all means if he beats you or you have unending fights for years upon years and you have tried EVERYTHING to salvage the relationship then yes, you have permission to leave the relationship (regardless if you find another man). You "just kinda realized" PLEASE! Its because of people like you so many children have to suffer. Try not focusing on yourself so much! What do you have to experience that is so pressing that the only way is to leave your husband? Is it not possible to have your "experiences" and stay married too? Grow up! Take some responsibility

Answer 8

Of course, ANYTHING is possible. I've heard of people into their eighties getting college degrees, people in their 50s getting married for the first time, having a first baby at 40, you can do and be most anything if you put your mind to it. There will always be someone who can appreciate you for who you are, and your girls, too.

Answer 9

You will never be satisfied or fullfilled. That is a state of mind. If that is the only reason you have to cheat or leave your husband, you will be in the divorce line again at some point. You need counseling. You are just as much at fault as he is. Your kids will never forgive you if this is the only reason you have. If he drinks and beats you, that is a different story. I am glad your not my wife or mother.

Answer 10

My mom left when she was 47, got a paralegal degree, and now owns a townhome after being a housewife for 29 years. She's still single but has alot of friends and is quite happy. You'll be just fine.