It just sucks. KJ's right cant sleep, eat, or find joy today. Any advice about moving on after being lied to and cheated on.... Revenge/... would be nice if only I could find her....
2007-10-19 18:20:36 · 19 answers · asked by itsjust me123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
start a new life, but keep in touch with the kid
2007-10-19 18:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two. He is at fault also. Been there and done that many years ago. Learn NOW revenge is the Lords. I learned the hard way. I went to jail many years ago and I had to explain that to my children. It was embarrassing and I learned to walk away cry if you have to be alone ask someone to baby sit and go for walks. Write a list and see if the good out weighs the bad. Most of the time it is the bad that has the longer list. If he has a child with you and has done this he is not what you need. You child needs to respect you and if she sees you living like this the rest of your life she will not.She will go down the same road you travel. So make a u turn and have some time for you and your child and learn to love yourself again and find someone that is totally the opposite of that guy. I went through this I took the guy back and later married him when I was pregnant and he was cheating and I caught him and I left. He never was worth.... He has paid dearly for his deceit and after 26 years I feel a little sorry for him. My 25 year old daughter graduated from high school and college without him and she just had a lovely wedding thanks to my son in laws family for all they done. I or we invited him. He did not come. How could he? He hurt my daughter all those years, after he hurt me. This was one event he could have paid for and made up some to her. ( He has the money ) I"m disabled from working mens jobs most of life and, working 70 and 80 hours a week to support her. Women are not made for that. Learn before it is to late. If you do not learn now while your young your daughter will not benefit from life like she should. Good Luck and God Bless You and your daughter. Take care of her and you. That's all that matters!
2007-10-20 01:50:29 · answer #2 · answered by queenie one 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psychologists and spiritual guides alike will both tell you that the only way to get through the pain is to feel it fully and let it be. You may not be able to accept what happened, but if you can accept that the pain is there, that will help you heal. Anything you do to avoid the pain such as trying to think of other things, drinking, drugs, sex, sleeping, working, etc. will just prolong the process. And instead of healing, the pain will slowly find a nice comfortable spot deep inside your psyche. Pain won't just go away if you ignore it, instead, it will become a part of you.
I'm not saying you have to sit in your room and wallow, by all means go out, have fun, try to stay productive. But throughout the day, you will feel sad. Just acknowledge it. You don't even have to think about it, just know that it's there, let it be there, and continue doing what you were doing. When you welcome the pain, you'll be surprised how it doesn't want to stick around as long.
Revenge is simply turning your pain into anger in an attempt to expel it by beating the crap out of someone (or whatever else you decide to do to get even.) It doesn't work. It may feel good, but the pain will still be there.
I'd also recommend you talk to understanding friends about this, possibly get some counseling, and write about it. Writing is a great way to let some of the emotions out.
When you come out the other side feeling better and knowing that you didn't even need to waste your time an energy on the people that hurt you, you'll feel better about yourself and stronger than you did before.
2007-10-20 01:29:25 · answer #3 · answered by SoMunny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey there, I feel your pain and it sucks. First he cheats on you and lies to you, both making you think you are way less worthy than you truly are then he dumps you? Lucky you, let him go, he does not deserve you and you deserve to feel better about yourself than you do when you are with him. The best revenge on a guy like that is to totally ignore him as much as possible. My ex used to call me all the time with the pretense of talking about our toddler daughter. He would ask some simple question about her and then dive into where I had been?, who was I seeing? (like it was any business of his) and so I told him that I would say goodbye and hang up every time that he called and asked me anything unrelated to our daughter or the care of her. I did, a lot. He finally got it and I got stronger and less sucked in to his crap.
Hang in there, find some girlfriends to lean on and have coffee with and cry with and hang out with until you are strong again and then be there for someone else so that you get even stronger. After all this you might meet a partner that is worthy of being a partner. Good luck....S
2007-10-20 01:37:59 · answer #4 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is never the answer for it can cause you more problems as it does good. Also it will come back for them 10 times worse without your help. It was not the girls fault he cheated or dumped you. Advise on moving on....Start dating and forget what was never worth it to begin with. You have to start by having good self esteem and stop the hate. Things in life happen, and you can't change life. You have to be an adult for your child instead of being childish.
2007-10-20 01:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by bigjuggies79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be glad that he is out of your life and enjoy your daughter. Someone like that makes their life more miserable than you ever could and it just means that you are one step closer to finding someone who won't lie to you and cheat. File for child support and that also is a great revenge because he will be paying to raise a child that you have custody of.
Just make sure that you don't get into another relationship too fast so that it isn't a rebound romance and not the real thing.
2007-10-20 01:29:41 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. But really it's not 'her' fault, I would blame your partner. He was the one in the committed relationship not 'her'.
Revenge is not something you should focus on. It is a completely negative and self destructive emotion. It's not worth it.
Give yourself some time to mourn the relationship but don't wallow in self pity either. Try to work on postitive endeavors and things that will allow you to move past this. You might try a journal to be able to let out your feelings of anger, hurt and resentment.
Remember though, you should not speak ill of your Daughter's father because your relationship with him is seperate than hers. I know it's hard but it's really important.
2007-10-20 01:32:41 · answer #7 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Revenge on "her" is stupid. Your baby daddy did what he did of his own free will. No other human is to blame.
As for healing....it's going to take a long time to really heal. You're better off focusing on improving yourself than dwelling on the negative feelings you have. It's hard, and I empathize with you. Been there (on both sides of the dumping).
My friend's wife just left, so he started attending some parenting classes. Although he felt he is already a good dad, the classes gave him insight on how to deal with the breakup and how to guide and respond to the child's needs at this time.
2007-10-20 01:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by equal_opposites 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The best revenge would be if you just show him that you can live without him. I know it hurts for your daughter's father cheated and lied to you, but just take care of your little girl as best as you can.
2007-10-20 01:29:10 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge won't make you feel that good. Besides it takes 2 to screw around. Hes just as if not more at fault as she is. My friend told me after my wife and I split up that the best way to get over someone was to get under a new one. Good Luck
2007-10-20 01:26:22 · answer #10 · answered by bryang702 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is sweeter if you act like nothing is bothering you! She is not the culprit here-she is just the means he used for escape and it most likely will happen to her in the future-guys who dump one for another usually continue to do so. Best revenge-make sure he pays his child support! Sounds like you are better off without him-find someone nice that you don't have to worry about-because you know that if he did come back,you'd always be wondering if and when he was going to do it again!
2007-10-20 01:26:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋