My wife and I have been married for two and a half years, together for over 4. We have a 3 year old son together and two boys (8 and 5) from her previous marriage. I am 30, she is 28.
I found out earlier this year that she had been cheating on me. After some back and forth, she says that she does love me and wants to stay. She said she was confused, but now knows that I am the one she wants to be with. She says that I should believe her because if she wanted to be with the other guy, she would just leave me. I know this guy and I know that he is deeply in love with her and willing and able to take care of her. So I dont think she is with me for security or financial reasons.
The problem is that she still goes out with her girlfriends almost once a week until late. She says she won't give up her friends for anything, but her frequent going out was the first sign of trouble. I wanted her to be more independent at first because she was very clingy, but now I want the old her.
2007-10-19 17:36:37 · 18 answers · asked by nobody 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually it is up to you if she stays or not. You do not have to put up with that. Can you live with the fact that she had sex something that is supposed to be special and private between you both with someone else? She lied to you before it will take a lot from her to gain it back and she needs to understand that the complete trust you had in her before may never come back. Do you go out once a week with the guys until late? If not ask her how she would feel if you did. I do not see too much respect going on here. Not from the guy she cheated with. If he knows you then obviously he knew she was married, she knew she was married. I do not know either of you but from what you have written it sounds as if she just doesn't want to lose. If she leaves you, then she has to live on her own, go through a divorce, lose a babysitter, and then hope the other guy will take care of her. If she stays, she does not have to go through a divorce, she has a babysitter(free), maybe she doesn't have to work, she has a house, food, etc, no struggling. It's not about the other guy it's about her future. Which is more sure? You or him. For sure the other guy is thinking, if she cheated on her first husband will she cheat on me? Not only that but why buy the cow when the milk is free? Sorry but that saying is worth something.
2007-10-19 18:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that if you still love your wife and you are willing to make your marriage work, you should definitely take it to that next level like Evonne said.
You need to have a serious talk with your wife. It is not good that she puts her family and her husband on the back burner because her friends come first. That isn't cool at all. She needs to get her priorities together.
Maybe you should tell her that if she keeps up what she is doing that maybe she needs to find somewhere else to live. You should not have to put up with that. The children do not need to go through that either. Let her know that you will move on with or without her. She needs to aboard that train before it leaves. The choice isn't up to her anymore on whether she wants to stay with you, since the day she cheated. -It is all up to you on whether you want to make it work. She is 28 years old and is still going out like if she was at 19. There is definitely something wrong with that picture. If you decide to make it work, you should definitely start going to Church. "You never know, God could change her too." ~May God Bless you and your family.
2007-10-20 02:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by Irene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she actually been cheating on you with a guy that has FEELING for her, then it wasn't just a sex thing she wanted something from him that she couldn't get from you!!! I think she either has some bad influence from her friends or she doesn't love you FOREAL! If she cheated on you she should be doing anything for you to forgive her and if you have a problem with her going out and she won't even give THAT up, but she expects from you to forgive her for CHEATING? I don't think that is right. To be going out EVERY week is not the mentality of a caring and good mother and wife, not willing to compromise with you about the going out thing is just being SELFISH I just imagine her having some desperate Single girlfriend that is telling her "girl don't be listening to him, you do what you want, he better get with it" and that is not good for a marriage WITH children! You need to lay down the law, YOU the one that has been HURT and you are the one that is FORGIVING her, she needs to GET with IT....Good luck I know its even worst because there are children involved, but you need to do whats best for them and YOU
2007-10-20 00:58:13 · answer #3 · answered by Amina R 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to make up your mind are you going to let her dictate the way your marriage should be or are you going to grow some balls and tell her it's unacceptable her going out when she feels like it. She has a lot of nerve telling you she will not give up her friends for anything.How does it feel knowing her friends are more important then you and your marriage. She has you wrapped around her little finger and she is showing you that. There isn't that much love in this world to put up with her s h i t . You need to tell her no more going out without you or on your own and if she doesn't like it tell her to hit the road. Don't put up with it because I'm telling you she will cheat on you again (give me an inch and I'll take a mile) is what she will do to you if you let her. She isn't a very nice person,nice people don't do what she has done.
2007-10-20 01:18:28 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my book, a married woman with children should only be going out on rare occasions. Her place is with her husband and family. I may be ultra conservative, but that is the way I feel. Going out that much is not indicative of wife and mother type behavior. I highly doubt that when you wanted her to be a little more independent you meant partying and cheating.
2007-10-20 02:53:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered your situation from a religious standpoint? In the Bible, it says that the man is head of the house, so he has to stand firm to lead his family on a righteous path. You must be the backbone and lead them to the Lord if you want to keep your family together.
In the Bible, Ephesians 5; 1-33 (NIV), sums it all up.
Get your family together and attend your local Church. I cannot even begin to tell you how it has changed my life or my husbands life. We knew that we needed to change and especially for our two year old son. He and I were saved.
In the Bible it refers to the strong man; a man who is strong in his faith, walks the righteous path, believes in God and seeks HIM whole-heartedly.
Matthew 12:29 (NIV)
"Or again, how can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house.
If you love your wife still, and is willing to make your marriage work after all that has happened, you should surrender your life to the Lord. Let God take it from there. Take your marriage to that next level. Do it for your children. Your wife will see a tremendous change in you and will surrender to the Lord as well. It starts with you.
It is like domino effect. "A Family Who Prays Together, Stays Together."
Rebuild your marriage on a strong, structured and spiritual foundation. Once you have done this, the devil cannot rob your home. The Bible also says,
Matthew 7:24
[ The Wise and Foolish Builders ] "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
Luke 6 - The Wise and Foolish Builders
46"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."
When I read your Question, I just had to answer this because of the similarity. My husband is a couple years older than you and I am one year older than your wife. We have a two year old son. We had a long engagement for four years and have been married for two & a half years.
What I am trying to say is that if we can manage to change our lives and keep our faith in Jesus Christ, you can too.
Once you have seeked the Lord with all your heart and surrender yourself to Him, HE will bless you and your family in ways you cannot even imagine. He will bless you with love, peace, respect, forgiveness, faith, joy, and prosperity.
Matthew 7;7-8 - Ask, Seek, Knock
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7 - The Narrow and Wide Gates
13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
My husband and I will say a prayer for you and your family to seek the Lord whole-heartedly and may the Lord Bless you all. † -God Bless.
Remember, it all starts with you... -Be the Shepherd and lead your family.
2007-10-20 02:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look! Cheating is cheating, no matter how you look at it. I think both of you need to take a look at what your RELATIONSHIP was/is now/ and What you want it to be in the near future.....sounds to me She made her mind up. Her friends are more important than you/your Family. You need to move on with your child and seriously think about this situation... Before you regret what can be damage to your child ... from parents not knowing what they want, the child gets lost too.
You take the first step... Move on and explain it to your wife... You want Loyalty, Trust, Honesty.... Not a deceitful, petty, immature, *** like she is today.
You can't get the past back, you need to make things better for the future....
Good Luck!!!!
2007-10-20 02:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Petunia 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, so you got what you wanted, but you don't want that any more.
Hmmm. It seems like the old adage of the shoe on the other foot.
Ever try doing something to make her want to stay at home? Do something special-treat her like a total lady?
Try giving a little instead of complaining so much. You made the monster-now you have to reverse it.
2007-10-20 01:08:23 · answer #8 · answered by CANDY L 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. It won't change. She may settle down for a few years, but the urge to cheat will rise again and you'll be looking down the same road.
Cut your losses now and move onto someone who is faithful. Good luck.
2007-10-20 01:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
going out once a week to me is a lot to be out partying for either of you.. once in a while i could see that but i know i wouldnt put up with my hubby going out for fun and partying once a week. its one thing if shes on a bowling team and or doing stuff like that every week but to just party is going to put a strain on your marriage.. i would ask her if she could cut back more.. or even maybe you do things with her more so she dont feel the need to be out drinking that often.. if you were willing to take her back that should of been one of the things talked about but now that its not you need to talk about it now.. good luck
2007-10-20 00:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋