Does not having children make me less of a woman?

Question

One of my (male) co-workers insists that a woman who chooses not to have children is "less of a woman" than one who does have children.

He can't justify his logic and when asked if a man who chooses not to have children, is less of aman, he laughs at the idea.

To me, this sounds VERY sexist and I find it offensive that I am 'less' of a person by not having a baby.

This co-worker is from an eastern Indian heritage and states that "Americans think men and women are equal but they're not!" Yet he does not think ANY of these things are sexist.


... while its obvious that he's a bit confused...

What are your thoughts?

Does having a baby make me more of a woman?

What about men who elect not to have children? Are they less manly?

I'd love to hear different perspectives.

Thank you all for the comments. I appreciate the views. :)

Just to clarify for you all--

I *know* I don't want kids. I don't doubt this decision b/c of his comments. I just didn't know if I was overly sensative about his statements. To me they seemed harsh but ... thought I'd ask!!

Besides-- it never hurts to hear another view point.

Again, thank you all for your answers- I appreciate the input!!

Answer 1

Your male co-workers ought to be smacked, I reckon.

What about the woman who aren't even able to have children? Does that make them less of a woman?

The definition of a woman has nothing to do with reproduction, or stereotypical 'feminine' traits, etc.

So tell those losers that.

Answer 2

He's a schmuck.

If he bugs you enough about it, and he has a wife/gf who has a kid and you know who she is and can pull the statement off, you could always throw the, "Well, yeah. After the twenty pounds she put on with (insert kid's name here), I am less of a woman than her." out there.

This is the type of personality that suffers from a smug sense of superiority. You will probably never change his mind, so don't worry about it.

As for the whoile less of a woman thing, that's crap. I think that a child should be the ABSO-FRIGGING-LUTE last thing that a person should do just to fill a perceived social role or to "keep up with the Joneses". If you don't want a child, tha is fine.

A worse travesty than not filling Mr. Shmucko's definition of a woman would be for you to bring a child into the world when you didn't want to and for the wrong reasons.

To look at it another way, you are an eco-saint! What is the biggest environmental problem on the planet today? ALL THE FLIPPING HUMANS!!!! We're about 3 billion or more of us over capacity for the planet, the way our society uses resources. Its antiquated, machismo-fueled, idiotic ideas like the blowhard in question's that cause a good chunck of this problem.

Answer 3

You know what I say? I say that you should stick to your guns,Hon. It is your choice whether or not to have a child. And nobody has the right to force you to do anything you do not want to do. I believe you are more woman than any woman with a child. It just shows these women that you have far more respect for your body than they do. And if and when you decide to conceive is your business and your business only. Men and women are equal in their own way. You hear how something does not run if it isn't put together right? Well,There you go. Women are the answer to mens' problems as well as Men are the answer to Womens' problems. You are someone very special and I hope you will never ever change. You are sweet.

Answer 4

In my mature, view it merely makes a person more responsible and accountable to admit that they do not want children. Women are inundated with images of being a mothers since they themselves are little girls. Mothering is supposed to be part of our genetic makeup and this is simply not true. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and some men and women are simply not interested in having nor raising children. I would rather an honest, introspective than a person who has children because of societal pressures and in their heart does not want to have them nor be a parent.
Parenting is not an easy job, it is demeaned and totally undervalued. It is a 24/7, 365 day a year, lifelong commitment. Those who are not in for the long haul do not only their children a grave disservice but this impacts on the rest of the community and society at large.
Parenting is the most important job a person can undertake and if it is not for you, bless you for having the courage to stand by your convictions.

Answer 5

You should be telling your coworker that he is first less human and then less a man to show disrespect.
I'm not sure how his opinion should matter or affect you.
Unless you care for him in some way, you can ignore or report to your HR.
Child or No child is ones own personal business and the decision is to be respected and not mocked at with such sexist comments. I've known enough guys from that part of the world and they seem to be a lot more sensible than your coworker.Its just about his civilization I guess.

Answer 6

No, it doesn't make you less of a woman. As a matter of fact, I am a man who is 52 and who has never had children and I'd love to find a woman who doesn't have children. So, in that way you may actually be more attractive to single men. I have friends who are married who never had children, too. It's not a problem. Plus, this "less of a woman" thing is just baloney. Don't rely on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Their opinions don't matter. You just have to like yourself the way you are.

Answer 7

Your co-worker's comments maybe taken as sexist, but I think he is referring to the biological aspect of being more of a woman by delivering a baby or babies. A comparison could be made of a man who spreads his "seeds" by having many sexual relationships and/or children. To some men, this may seem very macho or manly, but to others with high moral standards, poor morals. Of course, most women have children within a committed relationship, but many men who have illicit relationships/children do so obviously outside of a committed relationship.
One has to move above and beyond merely the base biological aspect of being a woman. Certainly there are hundred and thousands of really productive women who don't bear children.

Answer 8

Just because you choose to not have children does NOT make you less of a woman. Neither are men, it doesn't make them less of a man.

Remember, Indian's have a different way of thinking when it comes to children. It's not a question of if you'll have children, but how many.
You could probably safely ignore your co-worker's comments =)

Answer 9

I don't think it makes you less of a woman if you choose not to have them... or less of a man for that matter. However, I want them more than anything in the world and I feel like I'm less of a woman compared to my peers (I'm 33) because I don't. That's my own opinion about myself though. It's actually a source of a lot of pain for me. While I can honestly say I don't understand why someone wouldn't want any (more), it's really your choice and I'm never going to judge someone for that. No more than you understand the deep seated desire that I have to be a mother. It's choice. What if the woman chooses not to have them because it would risk her life? Or she has some sort of genetic disorder that she doesn't want to pass on? How the heck does HE know what the reasons are, and moreover, why is it his place to make that judgement?

Seeing as how the person you were talking to is of a different culture, I really don't think his comments have any merit, especially since he is probably speaking from the standpoint of HIS culture and that's it. But again, even in that aspect, it's all about choice.

*Edit: how interesting that we all got thumbs down for expressing our opinions. Not only am I giving you all a thumbs up, but I'm giving the question a star because it's very interesting.

Answer 10

No, you are not less of a woman for not having children! Not all people need to have children, only those that want them very badly. It's an act of courage and grace to say no to something you are not cut out for or do not want.

Men that do not have children are not less manly either. They most certainly don't need kids they don't really, really want because they do not love them in the same all-consuming, selfless way a good Mother does. When they grow old they will perhaps wish they had them and fortunately for men, they can have them late in life.

Your co-worker is from an extremely primitive background and culture and you will get nowhere with him, so just let it go.
And talk to him a lot less!

Answer 11

Sure, humans were placed on the planet to procreate, but not everyone 'has' to do that, whether it be man or woman, and there has to be more meaning to life than just making babies, humans wouldn't be intelligent creatures otherwise.
Having a baby doesn't make you more of a woman, but it can make a girl grow up very quickly with the responsibility of looking after a child who is completely dependant on a person for their survival. It can be very daunting yet rewarding.
Being a mother is just an added dimension to a woman, but a woman without children will have her own added dimensions by the other things she does in her life. So a woman without children isn't a lesser woman because she lives her life in a different direction.
Don't tolerate anyone who reduces your worth down to just a uterus.