Is this a good poem, I am trying out for alabama school f fine arts in birmingham alabama.?

Question

do you guys think this is a good poem ?

The Glaring Light

There was a cold glaring light
It's aura was incredible and magnificent
It was cold and damp outside where the light existed
Thorns surrounded the edges of the beautiful light

The light was shining so brightly my eyes turned a cold color
It lit the night
The leaves blew te leaves in a manner
That it seemed like they were dancing happily

The dancing was so unlikely that it began to scare me
Like they were being controlled by a unusual force
All of a sudden the wind started blowing so hard
The light had suddenly gone away

Every night in my dreams I dreamt of that peaceul and beautiful night
It was so simple yet so powerful and magical

Answer 1

Yes, it is a good poem. The imagery is very strong. Maybe show it to a teacher, because some of the people who have offered corrections to you are not good at grammar.

The "its" in line 2 should not have an apostrophe. The apostrophe is only used to say "it is." Try to punctuate your sentences and phrases.

To some of the forever - grouchy posters, the Alabama School of Fine Arts is not a college. It is a middle/high school.

Good luck with your application. I'm betting that you'll do great.

Answer 2

Quite nice and peaceful. Allow me to interject my corrections:

There was a cold glaring light,
It's aura was incredible and magnificent.
It was cold and damp outside where the light existed,
Thorns surrounded the edges of the beautiful light.

The light was shining so brightly that my eyes turned a cold color.
It lit the night;
The wind blew the leaves in a manner,
That it seemed like they were dancing happily.

The dancing was so unlikely that it began to frighten me,
As though they were being controlled by a unusual force.
All of a sudden the wind started blowing so hard,
The light had suddenly gone away.

Every night I dream of that peaceful and beautiful night,
It was so simple yet so powerful and magical.
I remember these times of beauty and light,
It reminds me of that particular night.

We needed some punctuation and the last verse needed two more lines that captured the essence of what you are saying. Not to say my lines relate to your experience, but is an example of concluding the poem. Read it closely, as leaves do not blow leaves; wind does. Very good work.

Answer 3

This is a good poem, but it gets repetitive at some parts like "The leaves blew (the) leaves in a manner..."
and
"That it seemed like they were dancing happily.
The dancing was so unlikely that it began to scare me."

A little editing will make this poem shine above all others ^_^

Answer 4

needs alot of editing and you need to use better discribing words i started to get bored because it wasnt vivid enough..... let me help,
so you could change....

its aura was incredable and filled all with delight,

and

my eyes turned a cold blue that brightened the night,

that was for the second paragraph thing first stanza.


then... the light had suddenly gone away could be "the light seemed to disinigrate"

Answer 5

The positive answers in this case are the good ones:
the poem is about your feelings.
One exercise that might help here
is to see how short you can make this poem
and still like it.

Answer 6

inspect Claude Bollings "Jazz Suite for Flute and Piano" It has quite a few complicated sections and it may be a fresh option. solid success! My daughter is attempting out for violin.

Answer 7

I'm not a buff or anything...but a poem should make a person who reads think of something they know or have experienced. This might be too absract.

Answer 8

Nice poem, very abstract yet creates a vision. Best of luck in Birmingham....I'm from Bama myself. :)

Answer 9

Just stay in school and don,t let this set back keep you down your just young and awkward it's probably just a phase...
P.S. I think the first two guys are more interested in you than your poem.

Answer 10

I like it. It needs a little polish yet, but I like it.

Good luck