not really cheating...but dunno how to feel...?

Question

okay, i could be considered horrible for this, as well...but, o well, here goes...

my husband and i have been arguing a lot lately about the dumbest stuff...like, who is getting up with the baby, who is doing dishes...stupid trivial stuff...

i have brushed it off as stress. he just switched jobs, we just bought a new car, my job is getting on my nerves, we have a 10 month old, just got custody of his 7 year old and i am 2 months pregnant...so a lot of stress...

i figured it would work itself out..

so, for the past week or two, i haven't been able to say so much as "good morning" to my husband without feeling like he is chewing my head off and spitting it out...

horrible as it is, i checked his work email. i found messages in there to a girl in another office about how he doesnt like me half the time but he loves me and he doesnt think we are compatible and a bunch of other **** that makes me look and feel terrible.

i don't know how to interpret this...please help!?!?!

Answer 1

DON'T INTERPRET.... ASK!!!

Answer 2

This is a hard one cause without knowing just whats in the email its sort of hard to make head or tails of the situation. Maybe he is just venting to this girl to let off steam about things rather than doing what he should be doing and talking to you. Sounds to me with all the stresses you are both under you both need to rekindle the relationship. Go on a holiday if that is possible or just away for a weekend together if it is possible for family to look after the children so you and he can get away and talk things thorugh. Hope it works out what ever you both choose to do.

Answer 3

He just may be venting to a friend........getting a womans perspective. Maybe the two of you need some one on one time.....away from the stress of kids and work. How about getting gramma or another family member to watch the kids and get a B&B room for the weekend....work on relieving some stress? If that doesn't work, try some counseling...they can teach you to fight without all the accusations and bad things that get dredged up. If you feel that you are pushing his buttons due to hormones,stress,job......try giving yourself some "alone" time...get a massage, do something for you. From experience, when my hubby and I fight,,,,its usually my fault....I get cranky or hormonal...etc, so I say things that come out sounding super critical and snide. Basically,,,I pick the fight over some really stupid, trivial thing. So I take a break a couple times a week when I feel a serious case of the Bi^^^ys coming on so I don't take it out on my husband and sons. Good luck....if you want to chat further please feel free to contact me

Answer 4

Everybody goes through this if their relationship lasts long enough. Try not to be upset about the emails. What's important is that you two have got to start having some fun and enjoying life TOGETHER.

Next time you two are talking about some problem, tell him that you really don't want to talk about problems, what you really want to do is spend some time brainstorming ideas on how the two of you can have some fun and adventure together. That is what you both really want isn't it? To be laughing together instead of arguing?

Life puts all this pressure on us and we forget that and put all our efforts into paying the bills and such and forget about why we got together in the first place. To enjoy each other. Don't let these things drain your life and your love. Put the focus back on the positive and he'll fall in right along side you.

Answer 5

I think you need to remember you are currently hormonal (pregnant), stressed out, working, caring for two kids (0ne new one), etc. I tend to think you should talk this all out with your hubby AFTER you get yourself a babysitter and take one evening off to be together and talk over a meal somewhere (a corner table at Applebees will do). I'd also come clean about reading his e-mails. I'd tell him that you know you were wrong to look and will not do it again (change your own password, too), but that he needs to be telling YOU what he told his co-worker, and working it out with you. What he is doing (confiding in others) is not fair. He needs to tell you how he feels; not her. He probably isn't cheating, though. Just talking because you are both so stressed and he feels "unheard" himself. Ask him what his stresses are, and how he is feeling, too. It's a two-way street. Good luck, honey. You need a good night's sleep, and help with the kids. Tell him it's his turn tonight. Best wishes.

Answer 6

I would say that your husband if on the verge of having an emotional affair at the very least....He shouldn't be talking to a girl in his office about his personal affairs....You definitely have a lot of stress going on....a 7 year old, 10 month old and pregnant? Should have planned that better...being that you are arguing about who should get up with the 10 month old......You and your husband need to talk....this isn't just going to work itself out.....

Answer 7

HE SHOULD NOT BE DISCUSSING YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU... especially not with another female...
Your snooping wasn't good - it shows a lack of trust... but obviously, there is a lack of trust if he's emailing another woman with such personal information about you and him.
I'm not trying to frighten you, but that's how relationships begin - talking the way he is with her. It sound like they're trying to start something, if they haven't already.
I would be SO mad. And hurt.
Cheating is defined as anything you wouldn't do with your spouse standing right there. Would he have said these things to her if you were standing right there? Doubtful. So, to me, it's a form of cheating.
I think you should sit him down, ask him whether or not something has gone on... depending on what he says and how you feel about it (like if you decide it's worth trying to work on) explain to him that you're just stressed out like he is, and you love him, and it would break your heart if he was with someone else when you're having babies with him and doing your best to be a good wife.
I sincerely hope that he hasn't crossed the line and that you two are able to work things out.
I understand what it's like to be stressed out and pregnant, and also have a little one to take care of... it's hard.
Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I believe that we all do the snooping thing at one time or another. If he is confiding in someone else then he has given your role to another woman. This is known as emotional cheating. You don't have to be sexually active with someone to be having an affair with them. Try turning things around by doing something for him that he will think is romantic or sweet. If you do not get the response you expect then he has emotionally checked out. Every time my wonderful first husband cheated he gave off the same signals and I began to recognize the signs. Took me 17 years to get smart. Usually if a woman suspects her man is "stepping out" then he is. Those are the statistics.

Answer 9

First off, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how stressful it can be, especially while pregnant.

I think you need to come clean about reading the email and have a heart to heart with your husband. His response should give you some more insight to the situation.

Answer 10

oh my gosh that is terrible,
seeing things like that can definitely pack on the stress.
do you think that he is having an affair?
it is kinda hard to let him know that you are checking his email but you have to find a way around that and talk to him.
my husband and i use to argue alot over silly things too.
but now we are fine we just talk and not shout and that way you get more results.
try and get the kids out of the house and see if you can have some quiet time with him and find out how he really feels about you and your relationship.
when men are stress they don't really know how to deal with it so they keep it all in side until it boils over and any one in the path way gets the end of the stick.
lets hope that this is all that this is.
sorry and I hope that you will find some closer to this

Answer 11

Well first off i would be LIVID!!! I would consider this cheating because he is talking about emotional things with this woman...regardless it is wrong if he has a problem with you he needs to talk to you and he is talking to another women about your relationship problems that is usually how cheating begins..you talk to somebody about what is going on and they feel like that person understands you more than your spouse and makes you feel good about yourself and it goes from there i think it is wrong and i would consider this cheating..i don't know what i would do about it because if you say you checked his email he will blow up on you about checking up on him but then again you guys are fighting anyways right?? and you obviously felt you had something to go off of or you wouldn't have checked it so it really is your call good luck..don't put up with that crap..you are taking care of a baby working and pregnant..he is being deceitful