How do you forgive someone?

Question

What if your husband betrays your trust and you really want to make things work and forgive and move on, but you don't know how?
In my heart I know he is remorseful, but how do I forgive and rebuild the trust?
Even though I want to do it, I find myself feeling SO angry and I can't let it go.

Any advice?

Answer 1

We can only forgive someone when we are ready to. We are ready to when we know they are remorseful (as you do) and when we can accept the fact that they are not perfect.
No matter how much we want them to be, those we love will from time to time fail us. And we will probably fail them too.
Being angry when we have been betrayed in normal, but typically it's a mask for feeling hurt. And scared that it will happen again.
I was hurt and like you would become angry. Sometimes out of the blue. But after he said he was sorry (which he was ~and no he wasn't unfaithful) it was up to ME to decide if I could move past the hurt.
In time I decided the risk (of getting hurt again) was worth the reward (of loving him)
I'm happier and closer to him now than I ever thought I could be. I'm glad I let go of the anger and the hurt.

Answer 2

Something that occurred over 25 years in the past just about ruined my existence. Every time I idea approximately it, the hatred back. Even even though the man or woman dependable not ever requested for my forgiveness, I ultimately did. Someone else concerned did ask and by means of that point I had permit move of the animosity. There are a few matters which occur in existence which is able to not ever be forgiven or forgotten. I am comfortable I selected not to permit it spoil what years I have left.

Answer 3

You need to go through all the emotions before you can get to the forgiveness part. It may require alot of crying, talking, yelling and screaming. You can't just skip to the end. Its like the step program for alcoholics or grieving the loss of a love one. Everyone has different ways to get to the end step and only you can do it. You have to just open up and share your feelings and don't repress them. It will only make it worse. If you truely love him you will be able to eventually forgive but just remember that it takes time. Trust is easy to lose and hard to gain. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If you never forgive this man in your heart than you will never beable to move on, Let those feelings go so that you can move on . Are you still in love with your husband and still cannot trust him becausse he has hurt you in the pass. If you dont let go than the marriage will not survive this is what i think.

best of luck

Answer 5

First you need to realize that it is okay to be angry. It's okay to cry and it's okay to want to hurt him. Communicate these feelings to your husband. If you truly love him and believe that your relationship can work then pray alot to get past the hurt. Most of all seek counseling. Don't discuss your relationship with people that don't know anything about being loyal and wanting to work on your marriage. These people will convince you to give up. Follow your heart, marriage is hard work, but in the end you will be happy you gave it a chance.

Answer 6

'Forgiving' isn't really the issue, is it? Trusting someone is, and though you may not wish to punish a person , or in your heart of hearts, wish their death, they have proven their inability to be depended upon in this way.
Believing a person when they claim supernormal 'powers' is as silly as the person themselves claiming they can forcast the Future.
A psychopath makes many resolutions and swears many oaths, and always shows themselves 'remorseful'. An easy act, just as easy as playing the 'innocent'-until caught.

I trust my dog not to bite me, but I do not let him play with my wallet..

Answer 7

I think it depends on what he did to bertray your trust? If he cheated, get counseling to figure out how and if you can move on from it. Otherwise, ask yourself in the realm of life, if you know he is reamorseful, and won't do it again, and realizes how he has hurt you, why do you keep punishing him and staying so angry? Ask yourself but keep in mind, time heals all wounds. You may never forget but we are all capable of forgiving.

Answer 8

OMG I know exactly what you mean. I am having the exact same problem and I so needed to see the answers to this question. Some day I hope to get to the point to finally be able to forgive but I'm not sure if I ever will be able to. I will have to wait and see. I also need to talk to someone about it. Thanks for posting this question.

Answer 9

the fact that u love him and want to make things work tells me , u've already forgiven him, u just havent forgotten and thats the part that u cant get passed. When someone hurts u so terribly badly its very hard to move passed it, and lock away the hurt as if nothing ever happened. It is going to take a lot of time and alot of work from both of you to get through this, it will not go away over night.

On your part, you need to try your hardest to keep moving on as if it didnt happen even if its killing you inside, u need to try and do the best u can to push it behind you and not dwell in the past, because thats what it is now, the past.. there are going to be worse days then others, some days it will be easier to act as if its gone and there will be days that something triggers your insecurities to cause the feelings to come back ..

I do suggest marriage counseling even from your preacher, minister, priest , which ever.. because its going to take guidance to get through the hard days..

Its not going to happen over night for a very long time ur going to have trust issues, your going to be very insecure, any time anything happens like, a girl calls and says sorry wrong number.. even though that is what it is, your always going to wonder, or if he's 20 minutes late from work your going to wonder, or if catch him even looking at another woman , your going to wonder or feel as if he's getting ready to cheat on you again even if he's not. So u have to realize that ur emotions and your mind are going to get the best of you for awhile.. and he needs to realize that he screwed up and he is going to have to put up with ur insecurities, and your watchful eye, and your possesiveness etc.. until he can "EARN" your trust back because thats what is going to happen he'll have to prove to you a million times over he can be trusted and he's going to have to be patient enough to keep going through the tests, but unfortunately im going to be blunt with u.. most people cant get over it.. either the insecure spouse is so insecure that it destroys the marriage.. or the one that caused the hurt gets sick of not being trusted and gets fed up after awhile and figures whats the point, or they feel smoothered by the insecure spouse.

So its going to take time, patience, understanding on both ends, communication, and be open with each other.. it wont go away over night.. it wont just disappear.. it will be imprinted in ur mind forever.. but hopefully with time, it will drift further to the back of your mind rather being in the front like it is now..

Answer 10

If you really love him and want to move on, you can forgive him. It's not easy, but you need to let go of the anger.