Why can't i get my first love out of my mind?

Question

I am with my husband now for 21yrs but still cannot get my first love out of my mind. He left me when i went away for school for my best friend we never did it or anything just heavy petting but I still feel like if i was to see him today I will proberly have an affair with him and i sometimes find myself dreaming of making love to him. What is wrong with me helppppppp?

Answer 1

It took my grandmother 43 years to get over her first love. There is nothing wrong with you.

I have a couple explanations for this. First, you have been married for a long time. The two of you have been through a lot together, and you know each other very well. Sometimes living with the same person day in and day out can get boring for some people. If you love your husband, stick with your marriage. Your memory of your first love will probably never leave your mind. I still think of my first love from time to time. But I have noticed that I find myself thinking of him when I am unhappy with my man. I try to push these thoughts away because I know that it would hurt him. But it's hard remembering how wonderful things were with my first love and how boring and sometimes difficult things are now with my man.

Remember this: If you were with your first love rest assured that there would be difficulties and trials just like you have been through and may be going through with your husband. Who knows? Perhaps if you had stayed with your first love and met your husband at a later time you could be asking this same question.

Try to spice up your marriage a bit. Respark your love life. Ask him questions and do things for him. Try to think back to the beginning of your relationship when you and your husband could barely stay away from one another. Is there something you used to do for him that you don't do anymore? Perhaps if you try it now, it will spark a response.

If all else fails, maybe you should examine yourself. Are you sure you really love your husband? I believe that it is possible to love two people at once, but only one holds the key to your heart.

Figure out which one that is. If it's the husband, then do what is necessary to save your marriage before you have to fight for it. If it is the other guy, then maybe you should start making other living arrangements. There is no reason for you to stay where you are if you aren't meant to be with your husband. It will cause you confusion and ultimately leave you wondering about what could have been.

Hope I could be of some help! Good luck!

Answer 2

Alot of people fantasize about a long, lost love. Just because you and your first love were to see each other again does not always mean that they would want to be with you again and the other person will most likely look like a different person. Your first love has gotten older like we all do and if you were to see the guy again then maybe you would not be attracted to him again. Afterall, 21 years is a lifetime. What you are doing is fantasizing about something that you wish had happened. There is nothing wrong with you. You can't control your dreams and it's sometimes a shame that we can't.

Answer 3

Woowww...this is serious stuff. Well, I don't know. Many of us do not 4get our first loves....they will always have a small piece of our heart. How is your marriage now? Are you happy? Does your husband show you the attention and affection that you want? Sometimes when we are lacking something in our current relationship, we dwell on something that we could or desire to have.......I would say that if you feel that way, evaluate your marriage, see what can change, introduce marriage counseling to your husband. Tell your hubby your feelings,(not that you are wanting your 1st love or anything), but that you want him to be more affectionate. Dwell on the feelings your first had when you married your husband....go from there.

There is nothing with you at all, I have friends who are married who do think about their exes, I have done it quite a few times. It's a little normal. Creepy...but normal (smile.). I hope this encourages you, it's going to be okay.

Answer 4

You sound bored in your marriage but if you feel like this I'm sure your husband also feels the same.You need to spice things up between you,he must have once made you go weak at the knees,gave you butterflies and made you as horny as hell.You say this first love went off with your best mate then he couldn't have felt the same about you??Or he would have waited.We all have fantasies but you need to have fantasy's about the man you sleep with at night not some old love who's probably long forgotten you.

Answer 5

I feel the same way about my first Love too. I think about him all the time and wonder what it would have been like to have stayed with him, he left me for another girl 25 years ago and I haven't seen him since. Nothing wrong with dreaming, so there's nothing wrong with you, it's just normal!! So keep dreaming, I do!!!

Answer 6

If you have been dreaming about this person for over 21 years, you made a huge mistake by marrying someone else and your poor husband does not have a clue that his marriage to you is a lie.

Does that help explain a little of what is wrong with you? Personally I think you are selfish.

Answer 7

You can achieve this state in the jungle, but only by withdrawing from it at least part of the time. Give up an hour of sleep in the morning for meditation. You will find with time and practice that the attitude remains with you for longer and longer periods of time during the day.

Answer 8

You are ignoring the real problems in your life and/or marriage. Take a closer look. If you need help, seek counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Something missing in your marriage?

Answer 10

nothing wrong with you ...