My future father in law is going to tell my fiance i was an escort....?

Question

This is essentially why i joined this thing online to ask this question.

My future father in law found out i had been an escort. I don't know but i can only guess through a PI.

Anyway, he hates me because I am black and he is going to tell my fiance.

I have not seen a need to tell him because that was one chapter in my life and this is another one. That one period paid for part of college, got me my small business, and helped me pay for my mom's house.

My fiance's father told me and he was so happy. He said he would be glad to see me go. He said I was trash and should go back "where i came from".

He is from Nebraska (of all places) and he couldn't understand how I grew up and all the stuff I went through earlier.

I have the mind to tell my fiance myself, before HE does. I dont' know what to say. How do I tell him about it? I think he thinks I am pristine. I need help. Any help. Thanks.

my mother was a well prostitute and it was not something i wanted to do

she became addicted and i have been on my own for some time but she always tried to take care of me

i was very careful when i did this and i know i don't have anything

i just wanted a good life and it was the road for me

now i see it was an easy way out rather than dropping out and working for years but i knew street life so life as an escort wasn't too unfamiliar

i thank you all and everyone else who answers

Answer 1

You should definitely tell him. Tell him exactly what you said in your question above about why you did it and what it paid for and helped you with in your life. He loves you and wants to marry you and this part of your past is a part of you. Be honest and if he truly loves and cares for you, he will understand.

PS. Sorry to hear his dad is so mean, good luck with him.

Answer 2

You definitely need to tell him first. And even though that is a chapter in your past, it is still a part of your life and I think should be shared with your future husband, regardless. I would definitely want to know and so would my husband. It's not so they can make a judgement on you, but it's so they can make a judgement on the marriage (before it happens). It's not fair to keep something like that from your partner and is grounds for an anullment. You swear to give your life to this person through thick and thin, etc and if the other person is keeping something from you when you say those things, it's a lie and completely unfair. Tell him now and let him do what he wishes with the information.
You seem to think it's no big deal, but it's up to your fiance if it's a big deal or not, for him. You can't make that decision for him.

Answer 3

That's too bad. Just start out by sitting him down and saying you want to talk about something important. Start by telling him that you were having personal problems, like paying for college and helping your mom. Say that you were forced to escort, but will never go back to that life. When you say escort, I hope you mean you didn't have you-know with the men, so explain that nothing happened with the men.

I don't think you should tell him about his father and what he did, though. Unless, of course, your fiance dumps you, then I would tell on the future father-in-law. Good luck.

Answer 4

you did what you felt was necessary at the time. this was before you met your fiance. we all have a past. we've all been down roads that we would have rather not traveled. but we did. your college was paid for your business is up and running,and your moms house is paid off. as long as that's in the past and you no longer need to provide for yourself in that manner. its history.I'd tell him... what can it hurt if he knows how you feel about him. fearing that, is like having a boyfriend or girlfriend ask you how many people have they slept with before you and him dated. what does it matter. you are with him and only him. we are not in high school anymore. if you tell him it will take your future father-in-laws thunder away. being honest will always be best in the long run. tell him that you want him to hear it from you before he would ever hear of it in the future from someone else. that is an old chapter in your life. Tell him you want to write a new book of him and you. not just another chapter.

Answer 5

You HAVE to tell him yourself. You are going to be marrying (possibly) into this family and you have to find out if it's worth it. I realize that people like to separate their pasts from their present, but that isn't entirely fair when it involves a spouse who is committing the rest of their life to you - all of you.

I certainly hope he does not believe you are pristine because then it's a false marriage. People who have to survive very hard times typically do not emerge pristine. Is he aware of "all of the stuff you had to go through earlier"? Like it or not, it is a part of you and must be shared. You don't have to tell your fiance every little thing. Just the bigs things. That's only fair to him and you should expect him to have shared his big things with you.

So have a sit down heart to heart with him about your past. If he is willing to accept all of you, great, you can present a united front against his father. If he was only willing to accept the part of you that you chose to reveal to him before, but not all of you, then better to find out now than after the wedding.

Just say "Honey, I need to talk to you. I need to make certain that you are marrying all of me, not just part of me. Let me tell you who I am and what I have been through to become the person I am today. And I'm hoping you'll do the same for me" If your relationship has been superficial, perhaps you'll find out some secrets about him too!

I think your fiance's father sucks. If you get dumped, perhaps you were done a favor.

Answer 6

I'm not good with these type of problems but its hard to let it pass..You should just have a night where you two should sit and have a chat and maybe you could just start off with " theres something i need to tell you " and slowly get into the topic, i'm sure he would understand the fact you were an escort due to money for college and etc and also you were being honest. My idea aren't good as i am only a 14 year old. Well goodluck!

Answer 7

HONESTY is the most important part of a marriage.If you start out covering this up,it will come back and bite you later!
If your fiance really loves you and is understanding,he will stay with you no matter what.My wife had a shady background,but I knew about it,and accepted it.We've been married 37 years.There have been a few bumps along the way but we are committed to each other.Marriage is give and take from both sides.So,pick the right moment and tell him yourself.

Answer 8

First things first. You said it is because you are black. Get over it. The reason is because you were an escort, he thinks his son deserves better. That is probably the only reason! Tell your fiance first and explain to him that you had very little choice in how you made it in the world. If he truly loves you he will accept this because he loves you. He will not have to explain this to his father. Any way, How did his father know?

Answer 9

Gosh, what a mess...I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with you not telling your fiance before....like you said, it was a different chapter of your life. If I were you, however, and someone wanted to "beat" me to telling my fiance, I'd rather he hear it from me. That way, you're not accused of being dishonest...it will actually make your future father-in-law look malicious and vindictive. Hopefully, your fiance will be mature enough to look past this, AND to also "leave and cleave" to you and not listen to his father, who seems interested in breaking you guys up. This could actually move you two further in your relationship and bring you closer, as he sees he can trust you to tell the truth, even when it hurts. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

I think u should definately tell him first! Beat him to the punch!
This is exactly the kind of behavior that pisses me off! There is nothing wrong with being an escort, in fact it takes a strong woman to do the job and that just makes you even more valuable. The father in law probably hires escorts all the time and then has the nerve to judge you. Whatever!
anyway, tell him first and your fiance should tell his father to back off!

Answer 11

Tell him first. Just be honest and tell what you said:

"that was one chapter in my life and this is another one. That one period paid for part of college, got me my small business, and helped me pay for my mom's house."

Tell him it's in the past and isn't you anymore. If he really likes you he should be ok. Also, I'd mention to him the whole father-in-law Private Investigator thing along with the comment his father made.