If I had a picture
I'd buy a glass frame
So I could break it
If it was raining
I'd hide the umbrella
And lock the door
If I had money
I'd buy a new house
With only one key
If I had a cold
I'd cough and sneeze
Without a tissue
If I had hemlock
I'd water it
And put it in a vase
If I was crazy
I'd commit murder
And get a lawyer
2007-10-19 10:46:20 · 18 answers · asked by Marguerite 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Excellent...funny...My father is an attorney...I'll pass it on to him, and I know he'll get a good laugh...thanks...
Good job, you witty, devil, you...
2007-10-20 15:30:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi M - first thing is, you use the second conditional form here (If + to be in the past simple), so you need to write 'If I were...' since it is subjunctive.
Next - I've been raving about your poems for a long time M, they really have been getting so much better and organised. That said, this one needs re-working. It's too repetitive and doesn't say very much.
Keep at it though...
Hope you and all the family are well dear,
Jim
2007-10-20 02:20:54 · answer #2 · answered by Superdog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Marguerite,
You know me and my issues with using (') to shorten words.
I feel that the use of the whole word is stronger then that of the abbreviaveted.
With that in mind, I would like to have a private dialog with you regarding this piece.
I know that there is more to this then what you gave here in YA, and I would like to see the real piece.
Peace,
Sam
2007-10-20 22:21:48 · answer #3 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a humorous poem that shows someone on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This type is to be spoken out loud.The house with only one key is simple to understand. Only she can get into out of the house. She wants to be alone.
I am a published poet.........................................I write in rhyme,every time.I can easily think of words that sound the same. Such as rhyme and time. I have tried to write in prose like you do and it just comes out sounding like an essay. I admire you! Keep it up!
2007-10-20 10:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I like it and your grammar doesn't need to be corrected. This is poetry. That is the beauty of poetry, you can misspell, make up words or use bad grammar.Keep the title "If I was crazy." Keep up the good work.
2007-10-20 15:06:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not bad. I'm not clear on the house with one key stanza...but the rest is quite impressive.
2007-10-19 20:04:08 · answer #6 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I didn't even want to read the whole thing- it was boring because it started the sma efor each paragraph..
2007-10-19 18:58:54 · answer #7 · answered by Dream, Believe, Achieve <3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but it sounds like me. Very interesting, I like it and I don't. It might be to close to reality but it is a great poem.
2007-10-19 18:17:31 · answer #8 · answered by Coop 366 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I very much liked this. It was interesting, and it easily held my attention. It had a nice off-beat sense to it.
2007-10-20 00:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Todd 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I like it very much. I love the examples you give. Offbeat more than sad.
Thanks.
2007-10-19 22:48:25 · answer #10 · answered by aggylu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋