I married, but i am starting to have feelings for another man. What do i do?

Question

My husband and i have been married for 5 years. We have had a lot of plroblems in our marriage, and i feel unloved an appriciated a lot.

Our new neighbors introduced themselves to me while my husband was at work, a few weeks ago. Their marraige is pretty much the same as ours. The husband feels neglected and unloved alot. Him and i talked for hours last week, and we have a lot in common. I feel like we really connected. I even get butterflies in my stomach around him, like a little girl with a crush. He even admitted that he wished we would have meet before any of us got married.

I am starting to have feelings for this man, and he is having feelings for me as well. Both of our spouses work out of town, and him and i are home at the same time. We hang out alot and watch movies. I feel so comfortable with him. But i feel guilty that we have feelings for eachother.

What do i do? Do i stop being friends with him, confront my feelings, tell my husband, or what? I am serious...

I havent ever cheated on my husband. But i do feel guilty for having feelings for this other man. But i cant help my feelings. Should i just politely tell the other man to leave me alone?

The Mrs.....Your remark was very rude, calling me a whore. If you read my question, you would read that i have NEVER cheated on my husband. And i think that me feeling guilty for having even thought about another man lets you knwo how much i respect my husband. You obviously dont know what you are talking about, and are just looking to put another woman down. Dont waste my time answering my quesiton if your going to be stupid about it

Answer 1

Don't let it go any further than this and put a stop to it ASAP. Just when you think gossipy neighbors don't know, you find out they do.

Answer 2

Look, it's not abnormal to have feelings for individuals other than the one you made your vows to. If someone's a nice, attractive person, our brains don't just stop working because we're married.

I bet your spouses love you very much and from the sounds of it, you love them back. People can't always be together constantly because when you're married you have to run your lives just like usual, and trying to fit in a healthy relationship can be really challenging. Try to organize some things with your husband so you guys can catch up. Don't put all the pressure on him to make things work. Relationships are a two way effort. If you feel he's not pulling off his side of the duties, talk to him. But make sure he doesn't have a busier schedule than you before you do.

Sometimes people get side tracked. Be patient and love your husband. As for your friend, it's cool you guys have things in common-- but that doesn't mean you're made for each other romantically. You guys could become best of friends or just each others confidants. Keep the friendship as long as you feel you can handle it without being tempted to take it a different way. And make sure his intentions are the same! Don't let things escalate. You don't need a soap opera in your neighbourhood.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I wonder if you could project yourself another 5 years forward and see where you might be....perhaps with this other man feeling pretty much the way you are feeling about your husband now? Or perhaps in a marriage that was hard fought for but with ten years notched up and love and trust and so many other much deeper emotions carved out from years of trying and making that effort? Hmm. I think you already know where this other man is heading if you carry on. The crossroads is here now and its entirely up to you with path you choose. If I could say anything I would urge you to make your marriage a happier place so that this sort of temptation is not even a glance over your shoulder! But its easy to say and harder to do. The trouble is, marriage is hard, it is painful, it is a rocky road...its also immensely pleasurable, safe, secure, takes you places you didn't even know you could be. Its easier just to have an affair and be loved in the short term I suppose. But you sound like you are made of something better than that....good luck.

Answer 4

You are going through a period in your life.. and now you are experiencing feelings for another man who does not work.. of course there is plenty of time and the thrill of having an affair is there because you both do not work and have time to spend together and hang out with each other.... but your married and must think about that first and foremost. Get out and get a job, or take up some hobbies.. meet other females in your area. Get close to God. If you must have feelings and have an affair.. have one with Jesus. Save your marriage and start communication with your husband and not your neighbor. You should not be hanging out with your neighbor or having feelings for someone else who means nothing ... its just emotions.. it means nothing girl. Get a grip on yourself.

Answer 5

Honey, you don't have to be physical to be cheating on your spouse. Do your spouses know how much time you are spending together? If you are going to stay with your husband you need to stop this immediately before you get into it way over your head. Only you can decide what is best for you and what your heart says. But remember relationships in the beginning are always great because you don't have to try as hard. The longer you are together the more you need to work at keeping each other happy and not get into the comfortable take for granted phase. The grass is always greener on the otherside.

Answer 6

You may not have cheated physically but your already cheating emotionally and some time's that's worse then doing the act itself , if your not happy just leave or are you so comfortable in the life style your husband provides you wouldnt consider giving up what you have so hurting him makes more sense?

Dont be a cheat it's not worth the drama take it from someone who's done it mate leave or tell this douchebag neighbour to f/o.

Pretty convenient that both his and your spouse's work out of town hey .

Answer 7

Here's what will happen:

a) You will eventually sleep together. One or both of you will feel guilty about it and confess to your partner.
b) You and this guy may try to do the right thing and agree to break it off with your partners so you can be together. Then you will sleep together.
c) One of you will feel guilty about your secret infatuation and attempt to do the right thing by discontinuing your little hang out sessions.

There's a couple other possibilities, but these seem most likely. Here's what should happen if your life was a movie:

Your husband and this guy's wife sit you both down to confess their love affair. This of course happens at the same time you and this guy decide to confess your love affair. Everyone is shocked and not quite knowing how to feel. You agree to swap partners but quickly realize you miss what you had first and want it back. Finally, you get back with your original partners and both couples move away. Then of course at the end of the movie two new couples move in and you see some kind of sign that the same type of situation will recreate itself... almost as if it was the houses themselves causing this type of bizarre twists of romance.

Answer 8

I am so sorry that your husband seems to have forgotten why he married you.Marriage is such a beautiful position in life for 2 specially sweet decisions made by two people.Unfortunately for guys...we tend to be insensitive at times and we get to a point where we get ,what you call"comfortable"and unconsciously selfish.It does not mean that you are not loved...but It can be fatal to the trust that is needed in a marital relationship.It also can prove dangerous for all parties involved.Why did you marry him (do you remember?) If you considered replacing your husband with someone who cannot see anything but his own needs and desires than you are looking for most likely someone who is willing to be unfaithful to any type of commitment.He will continue to make excuses of why he should look elsewhere for excitement in his life.It is best that you exhaust all of your options to re-spark your hubby..if this does not work than separate for awhile to get both heads clear and focused on who or what you want in life and then pursue.Predators look to find weaknesses in their victims and then exploit them to the fullest.What you give your husband...no man deserves unless he can put what's best for you over his own desires. I can talk about this one forever but I wish you the very best.

Answer 9

Yeah you've gotta cut this off. Don't hang out at home where you can get into the heat of the moment and do something you'll regret. (trust me, you will regret it)

I would suggest casually telling your husband you were hangin' out w/ this neighbor, and you really seemed to connect. You don't have to go into great detail, but share the experience w/ your husband. Let your feelings be out in the open with your him. If he sees you liking some other guy, he may realize he has to work a little harder! And your example of honesty will make him feel closer to you and trust you.

Honesty begets honesty. Lies beget lies.

Answer 10

This is how my wife's affair started with one of her co-workers. You are being unfair to your husband by having an emotional affair with this guy. You owe it to husband and yourself to either work things out home first or end it. Before you start another relationship. There are a ton of books at the library on working on your marriage and on infidelity. Put things on hold with your neighbor. At least until you can talk thing through with your husband. I hope this helps and I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

Answer 11

it is easy to have feelings for someone u don't live with or really know that well, and when someone else is in the marriage, it is almost impossible to work on what is wrong. u feel guilt because u know its wrong, its your conscience telling u not to. our conscience is our moral guide, and will alert us when something we are doing is wrong. its basically lust your feeling for this guy, its something new, someplace to go to avoid the hum drum of every day life. its a way to escape the problems your having with your mate. but its doubtful that it will work out, he is married, and so are u, if u don't love your husband anymore get a divorce before seeking love outside the marriage, having an affair will only build a bigger wedge between u and your husband. sure he makes u feel loved and wanted now, but what happens when your spouses find out, and he denies it all? happened years ago to my mom, she had a bad breakdown because of it.