If my husband said that he was going to Denver after his ex becasue she has suddenly decided she wants to be a mother to the 2 kids I have raised for the past 5 years, without asking what I feel, do you think I should be upset? I know she was a meth head and she is pg with another man's baby but I can't help feeling upset that he would spend our time and money to go after her when I seriously don't think she will stick around anyhow. She has never contributed a dime to these kids for support, never sent a birthday or Christmas present or has not been consistent in calling them.She has pulled this several times over the years, she came home, his family loaded her up with money, he gave her a car and each time it was back to where she came from. I am tired of seeing these kids hope only to be hurt. And dad having such hope for her to be a mother to them when I see these things. Do you think one more chance will be the lucky one? Oh, in all fairness she is in treatment until Decembe
2007-10-19 10:38:48 · 13 answers · asked by LaRae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As far as I can tell YOU are thier mother !
Maybe 'Dad' should start being Dad by not putting the kids through this routine over and over.
Good luck, sweetie.
2007-10-19 10:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well it is a very touchy issue because anyone can change, but the real question is how many chances has she been given. Drug addiction is a very very hard habit to quit. Sometimes children, men, or even just self awareness can be motivation to kick an addiction. However it seems she has had many many chances, she needs to relocate, i would suggest bringing her where u are. If she is willing to go then she is willing to change. Staying in a place where addiction is nothing more than a phone call away is never good. All its going to take is a bad day or a passing smell and she could be right back in her addiction. Dont let your husband be a paycheck, also if he loves you then he shouldn't be leaving you. You should also think about yourself.
2007-10-19 10:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a mother of a child who is not my biological child... I would be highly ticked... Hes going after her so that the kids can have their mom... what does he think you have been doing for the past 5 years. Not giving you much credit huh... If this is not the first time id say he has a real problem telling her NO and to butt out and back off... those kids need solid, permanent lasting love one that they know will be there for them not a wishy washy druggie... I'm sorry I have no sympathy for someone who just walks off and leaves their children. In a way he is enabling her to conduct herself in that manner... If you and he have the children he owes her nothing!! HE should'nt take money from the family for her. Good luck.
2007-10-19 12:34:55 · answer #3 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So i'm assuming your husband is going to get her ex wife and take her into rehab treatment? I don't get it.
People never learn when it comes to addicts, i swear they don't... helping by giving a car and money to get her on track ONCE is ok, but repeating the same thing over and over, expecting different results? It's the definition of mental illness.
There is a definite problem here. I would be the first person to help someone who was addicted to drugs, and wanted to stop and help themselves... but after helping once? i'd say NO the next hundred times.
Your husband is an enabler, and so is his family. And she knows they will give, so she uses them.
That's my best answer....
2007-10-19 10:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am a bit confused. Does she have the kids? Is she in Denver? Is he going to Denver to get the kids? Is she their biological mother?
Why is he going after her? Why is she in Denver?
Maybe I missed something, but could you explain things a bit clearer.
Oh, and yes she sounds like a total loser who needs to get her life together before she has and sort of care of anything...other than a goldfish...well maybe a goldfish too.
2007-10-19 10:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that if your husband went to another state to persue a relationship between his ex and his kids and you didnt discuss this in full before he left and you were unable to vent your frustration and feeling's on it , you have much bigger issues to sort out within your marriage then just the ex-addict no hoper who doesnt pay child support and abandons her kids at the drop of a drug.
What does child safety have to say on this situation?
2007-10-19 11:32:49 · answer #6 · answered by Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she is in treatment for what? is she dying? ...reason why she suddenly wants to b a mom to her 2 kids? anyway ur hubby still cares 4 her knowing the fact that she is the mom of his 2 kids. i think u should involve the kids regarding this matter, if they wanna go or not. the kids have the right too.
2007-10-19 10:58:07 · answer #7 · answered by dani l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you sat down my dear and added 2+2 with him you dont get 4... He really never loved you, And he has been looking for an excuse to leave you.. But each time she craps on him you take him back... Its time for you to find you true love and believe me its not this loser... Yes I am sorry to say but he is a loser. I am a retired Deputy Sheriff in Pennsylvania and more and more each day I used to see this... In other ways though like men beating on the women but they take them back and not often but sometimes the enevatable happens death.. Please move on and if all feasable move to another city and wash your hands of the whole problem.. Yes you will miss them.. espcially the children but please you are worth more... Good oluck and God Bless Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-19 10:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he's an extremely caring person... to a fault. I think him trying hard to get mom back in the kids' lives shows just how much he loves them.
I can see why you're upset though. You just don't want to be used and abused.
2007-10-19 10:48:44 · answer #9 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you serious? You married a man that hasn't let go of his ex? You have every right to be upset.....but your husband is nothing but a wuss.....Please tell me you are leaving him....no way in hell I would stay with a man that took vows with me...and keeps running back to his ex....Why do you really care if it will work out? I sure wouldn't stick around to find out...
2007-10-19 10:48:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋