Is her secret hobby wrong?

Question

My best friend is a newlywed. She and her husband are very happy. However, my friend has told me that she had a secret hobby that she does not tell her husband about, and it is somewhat of a sexual nature. She writes and posts online erotic stories, on an erotica site. She does not contact other readers or authors, or so she says. And she doubts her husband would be upset if she did tell him. She just enjoys keeping it to herself. She didn't tell me which site she uses or what her user name is...because she said she wouldn't feel comfortable having someone close to her read her stories. I am not sure if she should be keeping secrets so early in the marriage. Is this harmless, as she says it is? Or, is it wrong?
Thx!

Answer 1

Since she doesnt share her 'hobby' with you I have to believe the 'hobby' sham is a cover-up for an online affair she is currently having.

Im not distracted by her 'literotica' confession...i see whats really going on here.

Answer 2

It's OK honey. Your friend trusted you with her hobby and you should be so pleased that she thinks of you as such a close friend. Erotica is quite common, especially among women being as we are the less visual of the two sexes. It's a harmless hobby, her stories are fiction and I am sure something very sacred to her. The anonymity has to be part of her muse and it's is an important aspect to the creative process. Husbands and Wives don't have to know every single minor detail about each other, when you do that both parties end up so mixed up they lose their own identities.

Answer 3

Writing stories to an on line erotic sex site is not cheating , its just something she enjoys doing and most fo the author's on line do not converse unless the site has a chat room attached and even then as I said not all of the women author's use it , the male's do in the hope the girl's will come in I've been in those chat rooms so I know from personal experience.

I think you should just stay out of it to be quite honest let the girl live how she wants the only time you have to worry is when she quit's writing and start's making moves on your husband until that happens if when how why what ever , stay out of it.

And what kind of friend are you to question her morals and ask if this secret should or shouldnt be kept? with friend's like you who need's enemies eh?

Answer 4

I think she should maybe find someone that could help her write these types of novels if she like this type of thing so much. She also did right to keep this secret to herself. Look at the fact that she told you just that small portion and you are already up here on this site asking about HER business. If her husband won't get mad then why on earth are you asking about it? I think she need to check her friends, because before it is all over with, you will tell her husband. Please mind your business.

Answer 5

This might be a problem if she is publicly speaking about their personal sexual encounters. It could be a violation of his trust. It's ok that she wants to express herself privately, or at least not in the presence of people who know her. However, if this is a part of her sexuality, it is something she should probably share with her husband... at least let him know what she does. And if he has issue with it, she should be willing to either stop or include him. Otherwise she would be engaging in a certain type of sexual activity without him but still involving other people. Even though it is not physical interaction with her readers, it can still be emotional and mental.

Answer 6

There's nothing wrong with it. It's like writing in a journal - would you let your husband read your journal? I sure wouldn't; the whole point of writing a journal is that no one gets to see it. True, other people see her stories - but it's totally anonymous; and it's understandable that she wants to keep it this way. Look even at the Y!A: people come here to ask questions of delicate nature, or share details of their personal lives; do you think they would want their spouses to read it? The only way it can work is by being completely anonymous. I know I wouldn't want anyone who knows me to read the stuff I'm posting on here - it's simply too personal. Even in marriage, we need to keep some things private; there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your friend is wise.

Answer 7

Depends on the relationship really. Some people are okay w/ their partner having that much privacy. If she really isn't talking to other readers or authors, then no harm done.

Although I do find it odd that she would want to hide it entirely. It's one thing to not want to show him or give him details, but not sharing an entire erotic creative part of yourself w/ your husband seems a bit off. Makes me wonder what's up in the relationship that makes her feel uncomfortable telling him about it?

Answer 8

I don't know if it's harmless or not (though I am leaning towards that line of thinking assuming she's actually maintaining the anonymity she's claiming), but I am sure it's none of my business (and it's only your business in passing since she "told" you about it). I understand your concern, particularly where the new marriage is concerned, but this isn't so much "secret" as it is "private", and marriages can accomodate that distinction.

Answer 9

She has to remember that lots of the people on the internet aren't innocent, and many of them are capable of knowing her identity some how ... specially hackers .... so it's better to be sage than sorry ... beside, I don't think her husband will like that ...

Answer 10

I think its wrong. She likes keeping it to herself because she is afraid he will not accept it or think of her differently. Its fine to have a "dirty little secret" from friends and whatnot, but not your partner.