is anyone in a relationship with ....?

Question

someone who has an alcohol problem? if so-do you feel neglected? i am in this situation at the moment and have been for 2 years actually. i feel whenever there is a problem he is very supportive in texts etc but as for spending time with me-he would rather stay alone and drink.

i know for certain he's not cheating-but i feel the alcohol gets more attention than me. i feel so unloved but know he cares. what a mess! any advice? is this normal for an alcoholic to neglect loved ones?

thank you to everyone-and thank you so so much phillip x

Answer 1

i understand u. i am an alcoholic. yes it is very normal for an alcoholic to neglect loved ones. though the alcoholic might love other people or other things, there is nothing in the world that means more to an alcoholic than alcohol & to sit alone & drink. It is a progressive, uncurable illness & a really destructive one. there are treatments available, but less than 1 in 10 alcoholics actually do manage to recover successfully till death. Alcoholism is permanent, once an alcoholic- always an alcoholic. It is a horrible illness, but unfortunately the alcoholic is physically & psychologically dependent on alcohol. However, since it is a progressive illness, the earlier one is sent to treatment the better & the easier. But believe it it extreeeeeeeeeemely hard for a chronic alcoholic to recover , it is possible but very very very hard. I´ve tried it so many times in my life & I´ve been in rehab, detox, AA meetings but again I relapsed. Now, I´m pretty much giving up trying to stop as it is way too difficult, despite it meaning I might die soon. Alcoholism affects one physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, values, reputation, relationships, financially, sexually, etc...- the only illness to affect all areas in life.
yes, over a period of time alcohol to the alcoholic means GOD & he will probably neglect everyone & everything gradually, but probably u should ask him to get some treatment & go for AA meetings. IT CAN help, but does not guarantee any success.
In fact, there is nothing more difficult in life than for an alcholic to give up alcohol, eventhough most people don´t understand that.

Answer 2

Oh yes.I know that feeling.I have ALWAYS come 2nd best to booze.Even as a child.I don't drink at all.All our rows are booze related and it is very upsetting.They don't realise the upset it causes.It's not 'normal' to us but,it is for them.I don't know what alcohol does to people but,it's got some sort of power.Keep your chin up and email anytime if you want.I've been with my partner for 10 years since leaving school and we have 2 lovely kids but,he isn't nice to be around when he is drunk.He works hard and I wouldn't mind if he had a drop or 2 at the weekend.It's getting better as the kids get older as they tell him what he was like.We'll always make excuses for them though.Take care.xx

Answer 3

I've had an alcoholic in my family and I know that everyone is and will be second to alcohol. Get some books on co-dependency and start building a life without him. Unless he sobers up, you'll always be second and more and more unloved.

Answer 4

hey,
my boyfriends dad has a alcohol problem and they have troubles.
i dont know what goes on that much but some times my boyfriend tells me things like he's very paranoid all the time and has mood swings. my bf mum goes out a lot more than she did years ago. so is shows that is must only get worse without help. having a alcoholic problem is actually a disease and it needs help from doctors etc. i always tell my bf this but its hard to tell his dad as he never admits his problem.
if you can try and see if he will see some one who can help him. i really cant see him getting any better without help.
and you will be wasting your life feeling lonley. hope you can sort this out. hope some of this helps a little.

blondie xx

Answer 5

I was married to someone whose 1st love was the bottle. They do neglect 'loved' ones.
My ex was also very abusive both physically and mentally.
After nearly 30 years I upped and left one night while he was rampaging round the house. He never noticed me packing the car up and leaving. He woke up in the early hours of the morning phoning me to see where I was.
I am now divorced.

Edit
Big hugs to Philip xx

Answer 6

Unfortunately the situation is unlikely to change. It might sound very harsh to say this but once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.

Answer 7

Completely normal, unfortunately.

He needs support to break the habit of drinking every night in the first instance. Then you can help him work towards not being imprisoned by alcohol.

Your instincts about him appear to be correct. I suggest you continue to follow them!

Answer 8

Yes. the most important thing in an alcoholics life is their next drink. Its sad because it is an illness.
Alcoholics aren't strong enough to cope with anyone elses problems.
My neighbour lived with her alcoholic husband for twenty years until she just couldn't cope with him anymore.

she has now moved on and he is on his own in a very sad and lonely life still drinking.
unless he gets help then nothing is going to change for you

Answer 9

I am not in your shoes but know of someone who is and you must let him know how you feel and if he doesn't respond then cut ties as it will not go away, he needs to know how you feel and then maybe together you can tackle his reasons for drinking but i do think it is common for drinkers to neglect love ones! Good Luck

Answer 10

unless you're prepared for the spiral that this addiction causes till he is ready to quit, you're best not persuing the relationship ay further.

This is typical behaviour for an alcoholic .. tame actually ..