I was with this guy for five years. He proposed to me about a year ago.
During the first year of our relationship, I was the only one with a job and I paid for the rent, groceries, everything. It was my idea for us to move in together, and he said he wasn't ready to leave his mom's and make it on his own. I said ok, he didn't have to pay for anything until he's ready. We were 19 at the time.
About a year into our relationship, my dad told me that he wanted me to earn a college degree and that he would financially support me while I attended school full time. I agreed, and then told my boyfriend it's time for him to start chipping in for half of everything. He was very upset, saying I never should have asked him to move in with me in the first place when he wasn't ready to move out of his mom's. (But it seems to me that he got out of there because he didn't like living there anymore.) I just let it go at the time.
He has a decent job now, and I'm in my last year of school. But
2007-10-19 09:50:47 · 9 answers · asked by questionable 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's still insisting that he shouldn't have to pay half the living expenses because it's unfair that I'm not working to contribute my half and am getting it from my father (at least until I'm out of school).
Shouldn't he actually be paying for our living expenses for at least a year, since I was the one supporting both of us during our first year together?
Anyway, I broke off our engagement last night because I don't want to marry someone who has never proved that he can take care of himself.
2007-10-19 09:50:55 · update #1
pictureshygirl: well, he did buy the engagement ring. At a bargain price. ;)
2007-10-19 10:25:27 · update #2
You did the right thing in breaking the engagement. That was very very nice of you to offer to pay for everything the first year. And good for you in getting a college degree. There is no problem with you getting some money from your father for school and living. There is no reason why he should say something about where your half of everything comes from. Especially since you were making your own money and paying for your own things at such an early age. Its not like you were spoiled in the beginning.
Your reasoning is valid enough! If he cant take care of his own self by now, then he probably will never be able to.
2007-10-19 09:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by Mike G 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think this is absurd. Tell him to pay half the expenses or get out and go back to living with mom and dad. Tell him your not stopping him from moving back in the basement. If they are stupid enough to take a full grown man back so he doesn't have to pay rent... well they deserve their son. Me I would tell him that. Basically Pi$$ or get off the pot.
I agree that an engagement to a man who refuses to pay for rent even at that age is silly. I would personally kick his butt right out. And to use the fact that your father assists you so you can get a college education as a reason why he shouldn't have to pay is even more absurd to me.
2007-10-19 16:57:31 · answer #2 · answered by MelancHolly 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So, it's unfair for him to pay for half of his expenses, so your father should pay 100%? Or maybe he wants his mother to pay half the rent?
You did not force him out of his mother's house with a gun to his head, he accepted. I'm guessins he's around 24 right now? 5 years seem to me a long time to get on your feet, at least to be able to pay for half your expenses. Your boyfriend sounds greedy. You did the right thing. You can think about marrying him once he is independent.
2007-10-19 16:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You were smart in breaking off the engagement (let me guess, you bought the engagement ring) as he sounds totally immature and has no pride to take a free ride off of you. Sounds as if you were the one who instigated this relationship while he just went along for the free ride. I cannot stand big babys like him who think they can spong off a woman. You allowed it, he got used to it, and now he is throwing a tantrum for not having his way. Good you let that big baby go.
2007-10-19 17:13:36 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion - I would want to be with a man who takes responsibility for his decisions, and is able and willing to contribute to the relationship. If this guy doesn't like the responsibility that comes with being an adult, he should move back in with his mom and have her change his diapers. You can do a lot better - trust me, girl.
2007-10-19 17:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
YOU, first off, are one smart young lady to go back to school and takes Dad's advice.
You are right, your boyfriend should of ALWAYS been paying half.
I LOVED the part about him not being ready to move out of Mommy's house.....guys like THAT ONE are NEVER READY!
I hope you meet a decent hard working man in school.....good luck to you!!!
2007-10-19 16:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
good for you. he is a dead beat and if you had married him, he wouldn't have done anything to help support the both of you and he certainly wouldn't have helped around the house either. i bet he considered you a meal ticket and nothing else. there are people like that both male and female.
2007-10-19 16:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by george 2 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you go girl that is the way to tell him are you moving out also?
that would be a real shocker and make him grow up
2007-10-19 16:55:33 · answer #8 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You figured it out on your own. Don't really think you need any of our advice!
2007-10-19 17:03:08 · answer #9 · answered by John R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋