My 10 year old daughter has been bullied for years at School and finally stood up to a bully and told her ....

Question

she's a fugly b***h and if she scratches or hits her again she will make her sorry.
I know the Principal will be calling me tonight about this-yet nothing has been done over the years as I moved both her and my 11 year old daughter (in the same situation) from School to School as they were too timid to stand up for themselves. Personally I'm glad to finally see her come out of her shell-and I refuse to punish her for this-am I wrong?

I've reported my Daughters being beaten up and bullied many times but nothing was done to protect them except a couple suspensions in extreme cases.

She doesn't normally use bad language and also she (or her sister) have never been sent to Principal's Office nor ever been in any trouble at School-the Teachers have always said their behaviour is exemplary. I think she used the curse words to sound 'tough' and scare the bully off. This girl is not the only bully -they and others are regularly beaten up or bullied by boys too. In fact a boy and a girl both dared each other to push ME down the stairs after I was done organizing the School Pizza Fundraiser and then the girl pushed the boy onto me -I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see him make a fist and punch me then the girl ran at me and shoved me down the steps. The other kids in the line were shocked but the Teacher just shrugged it off and made an excuse for them but I told the Principal and the other kids spoke up so they got suspended. I should mention this is in Ontario-where there isn't much recourse.

To malwilhi... -thanks for your response -however 'threatening' inof itself is not against the law in Ontario. You would have to specifically threaten bodily harm eg. I'm going to stab you, I'm going to kill you -something specific. Simply saying stuff like " I will make you sorry" or "watch your back" is not against the law. Further a child under 12 is not criminally accountable and cannot be charged for a crime -not even pre-meditated murder and as such cannot be sent to Juvie. My kids are aware of the boundaries of the Law.

To: musicgrl... -yes I gave this (true) example to show how bold the bullies at the School are-they will even attack PARENTS so I can personally relate to what my kids endure. I was deliberately punched in my back and then pushed down a steep flight of stairs-simply for a laugh. These kids knew I was a parent too. I have shared my story with other parents who have similar experiences. This happened at a Catholic School and the Staff is of the view that "Jesus would want us to all forgive" but I think that is a lame excuse for not being able to get these problem kids under control!

Answer 1

Wow, your children's school system sucks. Sounds like my son's school. He was bullied last year every day by this little punk. One day I told his mother that if her son touched or said anything mean to my son one more time I'd kick her ***. I know not mature of me, but every day my son came home upset because of him. The brat even told my son that he was glad when our puppy died. He picked day in and day out. I'm getting angry just writing this.

Do not punish her. I would not encourage the behaivour. But don't punish her. It's good that she stuck up for herself. Bullying is so bad every where. Yesterday my friend and I walked down to pick up our kids from school and her child was upset because someone took her hat and everyone was making fun of her. I was mad about it.

I was bullied most of my school days. It's wrong and the pain doesn't end when you get out of school. It sticks with you. I don't understand why kids are so cruel to one another. It's sad that it's such a big part of childhood.

Answer 2

Wait i'm confused. Your kids are being bullied (i'm sorry to hear that) and then you lost me when you said something about kids pushing you down the stairs at the pizza fund raiser? You mean these kids were ganging up on an adult?

Personally I think its good that your daughter finally stood up for herself. Maybe now the bully will get the picture and back off. I wouldn't worry about to much recoil from this. Especially since your daughter has been exemplary and never been in trouble before. If it becomes a habit then you will have to punish her. But in this case I'm glad she is finally starting to stand up for herself.

Answer 3

I agree with you,when I was younger and it was not too long ago I had to stand up for myself. But unfortunately these days the schools seem to help the bullies and not the ones that are being bullied. And when we stand up for ourselves we get into trouble. I'd tell the principle to go jump in a lake in the nicest way possible while at the same time telling him about the other girl and maybe her parents should be called. Next time your child is being bullied call the cops then see what the school does.

Answer 4

I would let the principal know that you support whatever decision is made and whatever school policy is. Leave it at that. Say that you will deal with the issue at home, but that you would like the principal to address it as well. That way, he sees you on his side. I would explain to your daughter that threatening is against the law, and swearing is against school policy and that it is her job to suck it up and ignore the bully or stand up to them in a way that shows your daughter's strength, but is appropriate. Something along the lines of, "Go ahead and say what you want to me. Like it will make a difference?" and walk away. Just as effective, but not as hurtful and witchy. You don't need to give her a punishment, but explain that her choice of words was wrong and that next time she'll need to try something different.

Answer 5

I was bullied at school because I had glasses and I had a skin condition.. Vitiligo if you've ever heard of it.. I was taking meds for it and I had to wear gloves, long sleeves, sunglasses and a cap everytime I go out.. Once I've had it.. I pinned a boy to the ground and beat the living tarr out of him... It worked like magic.. I wasn't punished for what I did.. However my parents went to school and made other parents come and they told them about the whole situation.. The kids were there too.. They apologized to me, the parents promised not to let their kids pick on me again and that's that.. I don't know why they stopped, because I was rough on the boy or because mom and dad talked to the other parents, it just worked..

Try talking to the other parents directly, maybe the school board doesn't really deliver any message to these families!!! It wouldn't hurt just trying =)

And don't punish the girl, just tell her it's not nice lol.. Best of luck for your daughters ^-^

Answer 6

I agree with you I don't think you should punish her because tha may send her a mixed signal, I stand up for myself and I get into trouble but if I'm bullied they don't getinto trouble...
I would sit her down and talk to her just to make her feel better about herself.
You should start keeping a log of everytime she is/was bullied what was done to her or said to her and the conversations that you had with the principal and/or teachers write down what they said to you and what was done or what was to be done. That way If it continues you have proof to take to the school board and they can take care of it.

Good luck and tell your daughter congratulations for taking such a big step.

Answer 7

A person can only take so much crap without help. Bullies are scum of the earth and need to be dealt with. The schools in my area have zero tolerance for bullying. If you receive a call from the school tell them that the expectation from the kids is that they have to handle things themselves because the school doesn't intervene in bullying situations. Perhaps instead of getting onto the child who used words they can get onto the child that uses violence (scratching/hitting). Bullies make it very hard for the other children to be themselves and I would recommend you get with the school or PTA about a zero tolerance for bullies program.

Answer 8

No, i do not think you are wrong. Bullying is horrible at any age and can be emotionally traumatizing to sensitive children.

You should be proud of her for standing up for herself. If the principal says anything, tell him/her that your daughter has been bullied repeatedly by the other girl and that he/she should be calling both parents to alert them of the situation and demand that he request the other parent to discipline their child. Tell the principal that you will discipline your daughter and then treat her out to a movie or ice cream or mini golf with her best friend. Let her know that self-esteem is important and she did nothing wrong in defending herself.

Answer 9

After you tell the school call the police and file a rpt. The other students parents should be made aware of whats going on as well. Parents are being charged for their kids actions now-a-days. If you child is being abused this is not acceptable, she needs to fight back, they keep jacking with her because they know shes not going to do anything to them. I bet if she went off and hit the other one in the head with her backpack, she wouldn't have to worry about the bullying ever again.

Answer 10

yea the schools make a big deal about bully's and to tell some one...i think that is BS cuz i know they don't do anything
i had a guy that was an ex friend of my cousin and bf called me a sl ut every day and push me or bump into me hard in the hall ( I'm 5'2 and 100lbs) and he was a big guy
and they just told me to stay away from him and i finally pushed him back and told me not to F'in touch me like screaming in the hall way they got the hint after that and my parents had to fight the in school they wanted to give me for swearing ( i was in 12th grade 18 years old then) ...i think you need to tell that principal whats up and tell him when he is ready to take a stand against the kids that do get picked on then call back other wise your happy your daughter stood up for herself (i am too)
i would tell your daughter now she knows what it feels like to be bullied and its important she doesn't do it to other kids