Why is it that everyone just assumes that ALL single mothers word-bash their child(rens) father(s)?

Question

I just asked another question on Yahoo Answers & based on the answers it looks like everyone thinks that ALL single mothers BASH their childrens father(s) ~Well, I'm not one of thoses types. I never have been & never will be, that is their FATHER & even though I don't agree on how he has handled parenting I will never make my kids feel bad about who he is or who they are (his children) It's up to them to decide how they feel about him with out me planting any ideas. So who are these mothers? I want to thank them for giving all single mothers a bad name.

Answer 1

Well, a great many do. And they are much noisier than those who don't.

Congrats for being a morally upright person who can demonstrate tact and class when so many cannot. Being the better person is never easy.

Wish my mother was like you. They divorced 13 years ago and she STILL is telling everyone how awful he was- even though she can't actually say in what way he was awful. She tells me too. It sucks. My father is a much better person than she is, but her 13 year smear campaign has been very successful and many people think he is a jerk and have no idea why.

Answer 2

Its funny how some comment that they don't bash their ex's in fount of their children. Do people really think that the kids are that stupid that they don't pickup on actions? That's like swearing, yelling or any other negative actions kids pick up on it. I am with you that I don't bash or speak ill about my ex. The best feeling I received was when my daughter's therapist told me that my daughter freely stated that I don't say anything bad about her mother.

The best thing we can all do for kids is to remember one thing "each child has the right to love unconditionally both parents"

Answer 3

My mother did this the entire time I was growing up---and it drove me crazy!!!! Even though they couldn't work it out he was still my dad and I felt she shouldn't do it in my presence at least.
Well, now that I'm a mother--and my son's father is in prison--I make it a point not to speak negatively of him in fron of my child. Given, I would have every right to since he is in prison and my child doesn't even know who he is...but I know that it still wouldn't be right for me to do it. When the time comes that he wants to know about him, then I'll tell him the truth about everything, and still trying to keep everything out of the negative.
It's hard sometimes but we as mothers have an obligation to our children. We have to understand that regardless of how we feel, we chose that person to have a child with (or at least didn't protect against it). If we speak negatively about their father's what type of self-image will they have of themselves.

Answer 4

That makes you a good person, not just a good mom. I don't have to bash my kids mom, I'm a single dad with two kids, they don't like mom, I'm the one tell them to be polite and respectful. Never say mean things to or about your mom or anyone else for that matter. Keep up the good work.

Answer 5

I agree that you should not "bash" their father. That word implies a heavy degree of negativity with no balance, and it can also imply an exaggeration of a person's faults.

On the other hand, I think it's disrespectful of your children's intelligence if you refuse to tell them anything. I think you're essentially telling your kids, "You can't handle it, so I'm not going to tell you" when they ask you a question and you won't give them any information. I think children should tactfully & gently be told the undistorted truth, tailored to their ages and level of understanding, at all times.

Answer 6

Thank your TV set instead and all those soapoperas and night time sit coms that think its so cool to bash divorced dads to death. Its really surprising just how much the ole TV influences our daily lives and just how much people forget to thank it for it. The funny thing is that probably so many kids see it happening on TV nowadays that they actually ignore it in everyday life as the normal thing divorced families do and dont think anything about it! It probably effects the adults more than the kids

Answer 7

that's a generalization based upon the actuality that people who do it are major and no-one notices people who do not. maybe greater human beings do it, and that i will comprehend the anger that a single mom could experience. yet I agree along with your reasoning. there is not any might desire to fill a youthful infant's head with such hate and grime.

Answer 8

I can't say I wouldn't bad mouth my kids dad because I do all the time I just NEVER do it in FRONT of them.
They think their dad is a saint, it pisses me off but that is their dad and so they have the right to think of him in any way they can. I just hope the sorry a$$ never does wrong by them.

Answer 9

I hear you! I think people assume that single mother have to be bitter and nasty for some reason. I don't get it. A lot of us just want our kids to grow up well adjusted and will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Answer 10

I don't bash my ex, never have and never will....a good relationship between us is imperative to our daughters positive outlook on life. I am married to a man who has an ex that makes my hair stand on end by the things she does. His children are not well adjusted.....mine is.