Why is it just assumed that the woman does not work and takes care of the kids?

Question

Even though the times are changing many still assume that the woman does not have to work and gets to stay home and take care of the kids. And then when the two get divorced she has no skills to maintain a job and hubby must support her with spousal support. On top of that she gets the kids because she is established as primary care giver and therefore she gets more money.
So is it not the best thing for the woman to have a job just in case she needs to support her self later?

'sigh'.....maybe I should have been more specific people. People should not plan on getting a divorce after getting married. I was just making the observation that when people do get divorced it is the stay at home moms who need job skills, that's all I was saying. Jesus people, lighten up.

Franzia: Both parents should raise the children and help around the house and split everything equally. Both should also contribute to the income. But on anther note I thought you comment about kids magically raising them selves was funny, LOL. I thought you just add water and watch grow, kinda like sea monkies.

Answer 1

The beauty of the allimony/palimony laws. Only in America will the courts give custody to that very woman, one that has no source of income to take care of the children and no skills outside the home in which to earn an income. Not only that but the court will order that she has the right to maintain her current lifestyle, all the while denying the man that very same right. Divorce should allow for each person to take from it exactly what they put into it. She provided child care and a clean house...fine take the kids and the windex, if you provided no income to the marrige then why should you get income from it? Child support is a givin, but spouse support? What a crock...GET A JOB! Gold digging is not a career field, otherwise it would be offered at job fairs.

Answer 2

It is a good idea for a woman to have a job, but not because of those reasons alone. A woman is usually independant, at least that is how it should be. For centuries we were looked apon as a man's ornament...and a baby machine. It really wasnt too long ago that women were given the right to work as something more then a school teacher or secretary. Its usually assumed because of prideful, sexist ideas. If its YOUR WIFE that is assumeing this, she just doesnt want to work, dont let her fool you. Either that or she was raised by old fashioned parents and that is just the way she was taught. But if its a man that is telling you this, he is a sexist person, dont judge him on this though. Perhaps he was raised this way, and taught like that as well. It all just depends on the person. If you ask other people around I am sure you will get ALL KINDS of different answers, in many ways and forms. Its surprising a bit but think about it, human minds are not built on an assembly line, so therefor not EVERYONE assumes that....like I said, its just an assumption. Ask around and surprise yourself dear.

Answer 3

I know you're assuming that they might get divorced, which is very true since over half of all marriages will eventually end in divorce and the average length for a marriage is seven years. However, I'm going to insert a different angle. Once the children are in school and the woman is largely by herself at home all day, she will probably think of going back to work. However, it should be pointed out that this is not as easy as it sounds. Since she has been out of the workplace for years, her job skills are outdated or obsolete so she's going to have to spend money to upgrade those skills by taking classes. That can take several years and by then whatever new job skill she has learned is no longer in demand.

Answer 4

I believe that who stays at home and maintains that home should be the choice of the couple. It is well documented that when the cost of child care, automobile insurance and maintenance, wardrobe requirements, cost of commute, lunches, increase in IRS demands, and other employment expenses are calculated, the economic contribution of the second parent results in almost no gain. As well, there is no responsible parent present when the kids get home from school, and many communities have no provision for activities and programs that offer an alternative interactive possibility accessible to the kids. So, my theory is: because of the value I give to the importance of having a parent at home, the stability the presence this person provides for the kids, the knowledge of the children that they have a safe, secure, environment to come home to, the caring and guidance a stable parent provides, it is important for the parent who can make the greatest financial contribution that provides the necessary economic stability that results in the positive development of the kids is the one who should work. Get it?

Answer 5

It was how some women are raised. It's not an excuse, it's just how somethings went. My mother was raised to be a house wife. When my father (after they where married for 6 years) left and could not be found she was on her own with two kids and no skills and no spousal support. She went to school full time and worked fulled time and raised us (two daughters) to never be supported by a man. Always make sure if someone bails you can cover their half. So I was determined to make sure I had a skill before getting married.

Answer 6

I don't believe 'women are assumed to have no work and stay at home, etc.'

There are thousands of successful women workers, many running businesses and employing other men and women. Some of these have 'househusbands' who stay at home and who look after their children.
Others make arrangements for childminders or relatives to look after children during the working day and manage to run both tasks well and efficiently.

The idea that women should 'stay at home and look after children etc.' was a widespread thought a few decades ago. It was 'traditional' that women would look after the house while the 'man of the house' would go out to earn the money.

It is true (though far from universal) that women are generally better at managing a home with all the work involved and the upkeep and care of the children. But over the years the tasks have changed and though it is often felt necessary for a couple to both need to go out to work it can be demonstrated that women come home and still have to do the cooking, cleaning etc.

Certainly not fair, certainly not an end 'goal' for women.

I find your assumption that any marriage will end in divorce is very worrying. It should certainly be a warning to any woman thinking of marrying you.

All over the world there are couples who successfully and happily stay together through thick and thin or, to quote from the traditional marriage vows, for 'better or worse'.

Is it better for a woman to have a job? (just in case?) This is for the individual woman. Many women are happy to work at home looking after the home, the children and her man. Others need and want a different way of living and prefer to work at a paid job.

Neither is 'better' - it is a matter of personal choice...

This is probably not the right place to analyse the woman/man differences in pay, working conditions etc. Perhaps that's for another question.

Chjeers,

BobSpain

Answer 7

We are going through a change in our family, where my husband will be more responsible for the kids than I will. This is difficult for both of us, but you do what you've got to do. I earn more money than him and therefore my work takes priority over his. It's hard to switch your priorities but the world is changing.

But yes, I've seen a lot of middle aged women working at Tim Horton's because either they've divorced later in life or the man dies without leaving her anything and she has no choice but to take whatever job she can get because she has been a housewife, or stay at home mom her whole life, and has no working experience (notice I didn't say skills?).

Answer 8

I don't think it is assumed that a woman stays home with the kids anymore.
I have a problem with your last statement "So it is not the best thing for a woman to have a job just in case she needs to support herself later."
I would think that she would want to get an education and be able to get a well paying job so she could support herself and her children if she did get a divorce. She wouldn't need to depend on her ex for her monetary support. Of course he would pay child support if she had custody of the children.

Answer 9

Why, you sound positively feminist! It is "assumed" because it is a stereotype that women are "nurturing care givers" and must be the ones to stay home. It's a stereotype that's existed for some time now...surely you've noticed?

Answer 10

I personally have always felt that I have the responsibility to take care of myself and not "expect" a man to do it. Yes, I suppose in an ideal "Leave to Beaver" world I could count on a man to bring home the bacon, but this is not an ideal world. I may end up in two rooms eating cat food, but if I do, it won't be because I sat back and expected a man to fix all my problems.