I met a great guy about 2 yrs ago...we got along great and he was the sweetest person ever...now we're engaged but i dont even want to plan a wedding with him...its like he put on a front for a whole year....now he nags, hes never happy, he gets home and talks to his buddies for hours, he never calls during the day but he still likes to have sex with me...sex cant keep a couple together right..there has to be communication...i know part of this attitude comes from his new job as a prison transfer agent but why is he treating me more like a prisoner now....should i just find somebody else or try to make it work...ive all ready talked to him about it and nothing changes
2007-10-19 06:54:44 · 54 answers · asked by gracey 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you really need to reconsider your relationship with him. If you go ahead and marry him without resolving these issues they will only get worse.
2007-10-19 06:58:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can, before you end up with kids by him and before you have invested anymore time and energy into this relationship. You obviously aren't compatible and you won't be happy together.
Give him back the ring and thank him for all the great memories, but be honest and tell him that you have seen what the future with him would look like and it isn't what you are looking for.
You are right, the change in him could have nothing to do with you and could be his job situation. My high school sweetheart had a complete personality change after high school when an injury shortened what looked like a promising future in sports. He became sullen and pessimistic and clingy and seemed to completely lose his sense of humor--one of the things I was most attracted to in him. Even though I understood that I wasn't the problem, it still sometimes seemed as though he were taking his problems out on me, and I was helpless to make the situation better, so I broke it off.
If you break up with him, and he cares enough, he will make the changes he needs to within himself to grow up and become the man you thought he was. Time will tell if that's possible; in the meantime you should move on and use it as an experience to help you make a better choice next time.
2007-10-19 07:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If talking to him doesn't work, I don't know what will. I would hold off on the marriage in my opinion. Relationships get tougher, not easier. Every year you have to give a little more and take a little less. If you're having these thoughts now, what will it be like in 5 years? Make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Maybe just telling him you want to postpone the wedding date for a bit longer will get him thinking. But more than likely he will change for a month or so and turn back into what he is now. I'd move on. He doesn't seem to care so why should you? Just make sure you are happy.
2007-10-19 07:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by Brian C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey you know what you need to do. Take this as a blessing that you found this out now before you got married. It will only get worse. If youve already talked and nothing has changed then it never will. You don't want to marry a man who is like that. Be wise. If you go through with the wedding youll wind up getting divorced and be another statistic. Don't do that to yourself and don't force something that isnt working to work. Let it go now before its too late. And no, sex cant keep a relationship together
2007-10-19 07:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been unsure for a while of whether or not to marry him and you have brought up issues but seen no change, you probably should not be marrying this man. I am not saying break up with him immediately; sometimes new jobs (especially in law enforcement) can be extremely difficult for people to deal with. Just don't plan any wedding date yet. Sit down and decide what exactly you need to see change, and also think hard about anything you may doing wrong in the relationship. Bring up the topic one more time with him, during a time of the day when neither of you is overly distracted. If he is unresponsive to your thoughts, and does not change, it is time to say good bye.
2007-10-19 07:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by samantha s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be the stress of the wedding or the new job or both. But, if you guys can't communicate now, that would be a problem, personally for me. I would take a long hard look at this guy and, assuming this is the way he is, ask yourself if you do it for the next thirty years. If the answer is yes, GREAT! If the answer is no, better to get out now before the finances get all tangled and kids get involved! There are plenty of good guys out there!
2007-10-19 06:59:51 · answer #6 · answered by CTMan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he's more than a little depressed, and that his job turned out to be something he hates doing.
I say get him to take a depression inventory on line (they're everywhere) and if he turns out to be depressed according to the test, take him to a psychiatrist and let the dr. decide whether the nagging, unhappiness, etc. are truly depression.
I also say that he should look for a new job. He'll be happier elsewhere. Working with inmates can bleed the happy out of anyone.
Take care.
Debbie
P.S. A great resource
2007-10-19 07:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex is not what relationship is about. I've been married for 10+ years but sex was never first priority for me or my wife. The caring and understanding is the most important aspect of relationship in my opinion. I've had many G.F.s before and I do meet other girls here and there (as friends) but am keeping honesty and caring for my wife. Even the worst B.F. will at least try to be nice and caring. If your B.F. can't do that, I think it is better for you to leave him and move on. Specially, if he do not enjoy your company, he is not worth it.
2007-10-19 07:04:04 · answer #8 · answered by trapeak 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would push the wedding back and go for a long engagment and see how it affects him, what i mean by that is see if that helps him chill out. maybe he is really stressed from his job plus planning a wedding. if things don't change, its best to get out now before you make the promises. thats another good reason for pushing back a wedding it gives you time to see what he is really like now that he is starting to show some true colors.
whatever you do DON'T marry him if you are unhappy. wait till you know what he is really going to be like before you take that big step.
2007-10-19 07:00:25 · answer #9 · answered by stephanie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It strongly recommendation you should leave this relationship here,because a bad worm,Onces its come in starting of this relation you must be suffer in one or two week after marriage.So don't marry with him It had better to leave that person. Don't think for parents because they all think about community/society in that case one day what happen when you decide to leave him after marriage they will pressure you on the name of society.So don't give any chance to any one. Leave or break this engagment right now.
2007-10-19 07:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by MS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like his stressed out and he doesn't really know how to handle the stress. well dont really talk to him about the changes. just you know. make him remember why he fell in love with you in the 1st place. well if that doesn't work then i dont know what to tell you. if you leave him then he is prob ganna be crushed and be in a depression. atless his prob not cheating on you. if he was then he wouldnt have sex with you as much as he did.
one thing you can do is take a brake from the relationship. either his ganna find someone else. or realize how he is nothing without you. but if he love you then you wouldnt have prob.
2007-10-19 07:03:18 · answer #11 · answered by nierro1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋