My husband always calls his parents?

Question

Whenever we get into a big argument, my husband always calls his parents and makes me talk to them. He tells them that ONLY I have problems, and that they should talk to me about it. How do I tell him to stop doing it? I feel like it's our life, and if we have a problem, we should solve it between us. But he always brings his parents into it. My husband thinks I'm unreasonable, and that he's always right. He wants his parents to talk some sense into me. He knows I won't yell or talk back to them. I really don't know what to do. We just got into a really big argument the other day, and of course he called his mom and gave me the phone, but I was so fed up with it that I hung up on her without even talking to her. After that, my in-laws called constantly, but I refused to pick up.

Do you think it's necessary for my in-law's to jump in everytime my husband and I argue? Should I feel bad for not wanting them involved in my personal life?

Answer 1

He needs to cut the umbilical cord. On the other token, his parents need to step up and tell their son that it's his marriage, his problem. I cant think of anything more disgusting than a grown man getting his parents involved in something thats really none of their business. If he can't keep your person life just between the two of you, I can guarentee its going to cause A LOT of problems down the road. You have to put your foot down on this...... Trust me

Answer 2

Wow, I'd go insane if my boyfriend did that if we were to get into a fight. What it really sounds like is you both lack communication... and he's really not wanting to give thought to things that come up. Really it's a problem between the two of you not the entire world... let alone his parents (due all respect), but there's just certain limits that a couple need, such as privacy. If you can just sit down and discuss "calmly" all the things that you'd like to work on with him, because it's really not working out for you at all. He needs to be understanding to how you feel... and not back you up into a corner for being human, and having a problem with something every now and then. I wouldn't say you two aren't meant for one another, it's just the lack of communication, and EVERYONE goes through some sort of lack of communication in the beginning or... continously. Discuss with him that you really respect his parents, but you'd just really prefer to keep things between the two of you, because it feels like an invasion of privacy. If anything try marriage counseling. I know people do not like to hear that... because people don't like to face his/her problems. But, things will come up if they aren't talked over... anyways the best of luck to you, and I'll pray that things go well.
God bless.

Answer 3

Your in-laws aren't 'jumping up', your husband is pulling them in. And no, he shouldn't be doing it. Tell him the two of you need to resolve your own issues like an adult married couple. But if he feels it's absolutely essential to have a 3rd party mediator, then it needs to be a professional marriage counselor, not his Mommy and Daddy.

But, I just wanted to mention one more thing. You said. “He knows I won't yell or talk back to them” That implies that you yell and ‘talk back’ to him. That’s the behavior of a teenager, not a married adult woman. Don’t yell at him. *Communicate* with him in a calm and rational manner. If you’re too upset to do that, then take a half an hour to calm down first and then discuss the issue with him.

Answer 4

I was going to answer with a glib remark about "What's the big deal as long as he's not calling them when you're having sex."

But I won't.

Your husband needs to stand his own ground and not run back to his mommy and daddy to fight his battles for him.

When he calls his parents then my advice is for you to walk out of the room so that he can not give you the phone.

In-laws, parents should not be invited into the argument period. They should certainly not be called to "prove" that one person is right over the other.

Your hubby needs to grow up and stop being immature. Obviously he feels threatened and needs reassurance from his mommy and daddy that he is right.

Just don't take the phone from him next time.

Answer 5

You are right he is wrong it your marriage... Remind your husband that mommy can't do all the special things for him that a wife can and if he enjoys the things you do to quit putting your marital business out there for the whole world to know because you know his mom tells the other realatives and her friends how bad of a wife you're to her baby boy.

Answer 6

Baby boy should be hung by them apron strings. Your in-laws cannot begin to solve a problem just from one side they hear from him and it is not their place to solve problems between the both of you. You were in the right to hang up on them. Tell all 3 of them to get lost!!!

Answer 7

it is unusual. i ought to perchance see him calling HIS dad and mom, yet to call yours? It sounds like an extremely manipulative element to do. He would not desire to look like the undesirable guy on your dad and mom eyes so he calls them and get his area of the story out. Very immature. Time for a take a seat. Fights between a guy and a spouse are inner maximum. If he seems such as you 2 are struggling with too plenty then seek for help from a specialist therapist, no longer mom and pa.

Answer 8

Aww my god. Tell him to grow up enough to take his own decisions and stand up for himself instead of hiding behind his mommy. Tell him that he is the one on whom you have to rely when things go wrong and not his parents.

Next time your in-laws call tell them exactly what is happening here and ask if she would entertain it if her in laws interfered in an argument between her and her husband. That should make her realize what she's doing wrong.

Answer 9

Your husband is tied to his mommy's apron strings, and can't handle his own personal problems

I have to wonder WHY you bother to take the phone and talk to his mom? Yuck, i wouldn't. It's none of her business what happens in your marriage, and your disagreements should be the least of her worries.

You could both benefit from therapy -- he needs to learn to solve problems and use his own brain, and you both may benefit from learning better communication skills.

Answer 10

Your in laws should not be involved you your problems. What is sounds like you might need a marriage counselor. In some ways is sounds like your husband need his parents to fight his fights for him.