I have fallen in love with my friend, she is married and I am married, I feel like she is just a good friend, no sex involved, just like to hold her hand, I want to take care of her. she loves her husband and I love my wife, however the simple answer is for me to let it go and not hurt anyone, But I feel for her like no other, I just want to hold her and care for her, I think of her day and night, I've told her in a joking way how I feel, and then I tell her I'm sorry for saying it. I think she feels the same for me however she has not just came out and said it. now the final glitch is my youngest child is in college and hers is in grade school, no problem for me however I don't want to hurt the children in anyway. the children really like me, am I way out of line here, she comes over almost everyday to help me after my illness, both our spouses are great people, but I can not stop missing my friend when she's not here. day and night I think of her. I really don't want to let her go.
2007-10-19 06:34:12 · 17 answers · asked by mab 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you fell in love with your friend or the attention she is giving you? In marriage it is so easy to take our partners for granted and lose sight of what really is important......loving each other.
Are you and your wife attented to each other's needs? Do you do things together, go places together, spend lots of quality time together? Is your sex life healthy? Do you honestly feel that your wife loves and appreciates you?
If you answered no to any of these questions, that might explain why you are having feelings for someone else. I feel that the #1 reason marriages fail and people cheat is because we take each other for granted. We become selfish and we forget our partner has needs and desires as well. Remember when you first started dating your wife? I bet you couldn't get enough of each other, you wanted her by your side all the time, and no one else could fill that void but her. Why should things be any different when we marry? They shouldn't, but it is only human nature to get too comfortable and let the flame die down in our relationships, because it takes ALOT of hard work.
I suggest before you make any rash decsions that you stop seeing your friend and start putting your efforts into making your marriage better than it is. Talk with your wife and tell her that you feel neglected and unloved sometimes and that you are sure that she feels the same, too. Tell her that you want to start over and that you want it to be like it was when you first starting see each other, again.
There is nothing more fulfilling than a happy, healthy marriage, but nothing comes easy and we have to realize that the grass is only greener on the other side until we get over there....then we start looking over the fence at the grass we just left and realize it's just as green (or greener) than where we are now standing.
You said yourself that your wife is a great person, so think about what is lacking and what is making your heart stray. People LOVE to be appreciated and cherished. We are drawn to others who make us feel that way.
Take sometime away from your friend and get to know your wife again. Make an effort to get that fire rekindled...sometimes all the other person needs is a spark and then all of a sudden you have a bonfire!!!!
Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-19 07:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by Gretta 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You need to get over it. This is a disater in the making. If you really love her, you will let it go-NOW. You must consider all of the possible negative consequences for choosing to follow your emotions over your logic. Sounds like you're struggling with that. Honestly, does she really need to come to your house everyday?? You're setting yourself up for trouble. You obviously don't have much respect for her if your even remotely considering being a home wrecker.
2007-10-19 14:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by Laura G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flee from temptation.You know you are playing with fire.Nothing futile will come out from such relationship but severe heart-ache.Do a thorough THOUGHT-REPLACEMENT.Everytime you miss her, keep yourself busy with activities.As a man and leader of your home, you have to earn your respect and love of your family by displaying responsible attitudes that will bring them up, not down.Feelings can be deceptive.Adulteries always stem out from 'harmless friendships' that grew overboard.I guess you would have to remember that too many broken homes are caused by 'subtle friendships' that eventually crossed the line.The key word now is to FLEE from Temptations, if not, you will have to fight against the terrible consequences of a hurt marriage,a crumbling home and loss of trusts and respect by people around you and her in no time.Do that also if you truly love that friend and wishes the best for her.All the best to ya!:)
2007-10-19 13:53:50 · answer #3 · answered by Tulip 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What does this women have that your wife does not? Find this feeling in your wife. Work on your marriage, it's o.k. to have female friends that are married but it's not o.k. to think of them the way you are. the Grass is not greener on the other side, look in your own marriage and rekindle what has been lost or move on your wife deserves a devoted husband... Good Luck!!!
2007-10-19 13:41:18 · answer #4 · answered by Virgo Rose 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You both have a choice to make. A) break off such contact and interaction with one another or B) get divorces from your current spouses so you two may be together.
2007-10-19 13:42:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Goes to show how easily emotions can get out of hand.
You have two choices.
1. Continue to have these feelings and basically be an emotional mess.
2. Really put some effort in trying to distract yourself from these feelings even though you feel its impossible to do.
I'd really consider picking number 2 as no one has been hurt by this scenerio.....YET.
2007-10-19 13:39:57 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to stop having contact with her and work on your marriage! No good will come out of this and think of how many people will be hurt! Your wife, her husband, your kids (just because they're older, it doesn't mean they won't be hurt), her kids... Stop NOW.
2007-10-19 13:46:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
see the reason that you fell in love with your friend is becasue you know everything about your friend the key to having a good relationship is being your your lover friend when you and your lover becomes friends dats when you get to know them better and you like them more so if u and your wife would have taken the time to get to know each other a lil better you would have not been in the prederment that u are in now
2007-10-19 13:49:56 · answer #8 · answered by cordarius4show 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bad decisions end in disaster! If you guys love your spouses then I know it will hurt but just let it go! You have the chance to take the path that is right and the wrong one... You choose!
Let it go! that's my opinion you will be making the right choice and nobody will get hurt!
2007-10-19 13:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are both cheating, its selfish and disrespectful. Everyone involved will get hurt, stop hanging around with each other. Its what you can't have that you want, its the challenge. i feel sorry for your other halfs.
2007-10-19 13:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋