Should I wait or should I move on, cause I made a mistake?

Question

I have been with my gf for 6 years. Her age is 29. She is not speaking to me cause she thinks that I have betrayed her trust by what another girl has said. I have been planning to ask for her hand, and all this stuff came up.
She has not spoken to me for almost 6 weeks, but she still reads all my letters and emails, but apparrently she give the flowers that I send to her work every week, away to her co-workers per her friend.

I know that she is upset and this is what upset women do, They want us to chase them, but how long is too long?

I told her 6 years ago that I saw this relationship as a marriage and that there is no way out and whatever problems come up, we will have no choice to work it out. I dont want to give up on her, cause I do want to be with her, but at the same time, I dont want to be a fool.

I always believed if you want to be with someone, you would be with them. You would not make the one you love wait or ignore them.

Need guidance.

I got her a small diamond ring months ago, but was waiting for her mom to come back into the states so that I may ask for her approval.

I gave the ring to her admist her throwing all my stuff out of our place. She ended up giving it to my brother a few days later.

My good older friends says that she is just upset, and people dont throw away 6 years. He also said that she is not ready to talk to me cause she will not be able to hold her emotions.

I know at times she might act childish, but I have accepted her from the beginning and not wanting to change her.

I know that I am a great guy, cause I always do sweet things for her, like love notes, flowers just because, cooking dinner, suprise bday parties, honest, faithfull.

Another girl had stated that she has been my GF.

My instincts tell me to keep holding on, but its hard since I havent had any type of feedback from her on anything.

I had tried to email her, but they go unanswered, I had tried to write her letters by hand-they go unanswered., i try to call her through her cell,-She just changed her cell.
Her friends tell me to move on, but I know people dont throw 6 years away because of what someone said but then why is this happening.

Im trying to be strong, and I always believed that Love conquers all, but with all of this happening, I am starting to doubt myself and what I believe in.

Answer 1

call her ask for a meeting, ask her what u have done to make her feel like this, ask her what u can do to make things better. if there is no change after u have tried or she still refuses to meet with u, its not going to happen, and u may not be the reason why she has chosen this path. ask her just once to meet with u, than after that your kind of beating yourself up over something u may not be able to change. she at least owes u this much after 6 years. but the problem may not be abut u at all. so find out exactly what she thinks u did, ask if anything can be done to right it, if not u can't waste your life on someone who refuses to speak to u.

Answer 2

You have only said that she thinks you betrayed her trust because someone told her so. Was it true? Do you know why this girl would be telling her this?

If your relationship has been going on for 6 years then you owe it to one another to sit down and be honest with each other. If you did betray her trust then it is time to tell her you are sorry and that you now know you only want to spend the rest of your life with her. Back it up with a proposal.

If what was told was a lie then you need to talk to her all the more. You need to remind her of the love you have shared for all these years and tell her that nothing would make you betray her and to prove it, you want to commit to a permanent relationship. Then follow it up with a proposal.

If you really love this woman you are not being a fool to do everything possible to get her back. If what the other girl said is untrue then confront her in front of your lady. Do whatever it takes to get your love back.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Did you betray her? If so, you may need to move on. If not, just sit back and eventually she will have to realize that you are a good guy and that she's wasting time, holding a false grudge.

You can't make her come around. Good luck!

**EDIT** Now that I've read your add'l info, I'm wondering if maybe she was looking for a way out of the relationship herself. Maybe she wasn't happy and this incident gave her a reason to grasp onto. She could have gotten tired of waiting for you to propose, or maybe she's got other interests. Six weeks is a loooong time to ignore a really great guy without at least looking into the truth. My guess is, she's not into the relationship anymore. But I don't think you should move on, as someone later also suggested. Your heart is wrapped up in this and to "move on" would be rebounding. Work on yourself. Take time to heal. Again, good luck. MR

Answer 4

Ya know? In your place after all this time that you have tried to contact her, I think I'd send her one last e-mail.

"Hi Janet,

I have done all I can think of to do to convince you over these past six weeks that whatever you have heard from your friend is a lie. After 6 years of being together, if you prefer by now to still believe her over our relationship, then I will honor your choice. If I don't hear from you by Monday, I will assume that you have moved on, and so I will as well. And if that is your choice I will not contact you again.

Joe"

With this language you have indicated you have done all you can do, and it is now her choice. You have given her a deadline, and after Monday, after this weekend, if you don't hear from her, I'd guess she wants it over, or she has already found someone else... Personally, I think ignoring your request for communication is simply rude... if she wanted out, she could have said so.... stonewalling is a dealbreaker, and really, you need to consider that if this is the way she handles issues (by going off and pouting---stonewalling---) she may have just done you a favor. You sound like a super great man. I bet there are tons of neat ladies that would wait in line to be your sweetie....

Answer 5

If you did nothing wrong and she has taken the word of a so called "friend" there is a definite trust problem in the relationship.

If you have tried to discuss this for six weeks and she still won't speak to you, stop chasing her and let her come to you. The reason is now you are becoming the fool by trying to defend yourself for doing nothing wrong.

You may lose her, but be thankful you were not married to such a jealous person. I have the 10 times worse rule for relationships as follows:

1) If you are having trouble with the girlfriend, don't live together it will be ten times worse.

2) If you are having trouble living together don't get engaged, it will be ten times worse.

3) If you are having trouble with your finance don't get married, it will be ten times worse.

4) If you are having trouble in the marriage don't have children, it will be ten times worse.

The bottom line is if you have done nothing wrong and she is severely upset with you, stop being the dancing monkey here. Stand up for yourself you deserve to be happy and find someone that will love and trust you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

what did you do? you say it's because of what someone else said, but i can't imagine that someone who truly loves you would not give you the benefit of the doubt when there is only what one person says against you. i hardly thinks she wants you to chase her, and i can't imagine "all women" want this as i do not. and i can't imagine she reacted well when you told her six years ago that she would have no choice but to work things out with you because you saw the relationship as marriage material. it sounds like she's mad at more than just a rumor and really doesn't want to be with you. if she did, she would not have ignored you for 6 weeks. i say cut your losses and move on, and possibly see a counselor to better understand how to deal with women. if you had said any of those things to me, i would have run the other way thinking you were a control freak. unless you want to come off as one, you may want to rethink your method of communication.

Answer 7

Why would another girl say she was your girlfriend?
Why would she automatically believe this other girl?

You said she reads your letters and emails, so email her and tell her that you love her and have never been unfaithful. Tell her that she is the only love in your life for the past 6 years and you would never betray her. Tell her you don't want to lose this relationship so you want to meet her for lunch and make this work.

If she refuses then you may either have to move on or have the patience of a saint to wait until she gets past it.

Answer 8

It sounds as though you chose to do something that has caused her to respond this way. She also has choices to make. Since its been 6 weeks, I'd say she has chosen to move on without you.

There is one thing you can try: stop all of your contact. This will give her the chance to miss you, and then you may hear from her. If not, then you've saved yourself alot of money in flowers and cell phone minutes.

Answer 9

I may not be the appropriate person to answer this question but...I say if you love her, wait and try. I have the same beliefs as you, if you feel strongly that it was meant to be then it will. So far that belief hasn't worked for me, but time will tell. You may want to try the opposite of what you are doing. It's true in the beginning women want the chase but sometimes if you act as if you are starting the process of moving on that will get their attention too. The games we play...

Answer 10

"I know that she is upset and this is what upset women do, They want us to chase them, but how long is too long?" So you're an expert on women? That only proves how little you know. Just because YOU saw the relationship as a marriage doesn't mean SHE did. Obviously she DOESN'T. Take the hint, she doesn't WANT to continue the relationship. She doesn't HAVE to continue the relationship.